What is this feeling I'm having?

I really don’t know what this emotion is. Every time I think about or talk to God about it, I start crying. It is a really deep feeling. It feels like a huge mix between sorrow, anger, fear, and loneliness. I get sad when I think about but get angry because I can’t figure out what this feeling is. I’m angry because I don’t want this feeling and I’m scared because it feels like whatever this is, it’s not good. I feel like it will take me over if I keep thinking about it. I feel alone now more than ever. You know that loneliness you feel inside, whether you’re around people or not? That’s what I have. I know God is always with me, but sometimes it’s really hard to see it. I’m afraid to tell anybody I know about this because I’m scared I’ll just start bawling and won’t be able to talk. I rarely ever cry in front of people because I feel judged. I’ve talked to God about this a lot and for some reason I kind of felt led to go here for help. Maybe God is leading me to one of you who can help. And please don’t suggest a councilor (don’t know if I spelled it right) because I don’t feel at all comfortable sharing my feelings with complete strangers.