General Question

blueberry_kid's avatar

How do I boost my self-esteem?

Asked by blueberry_kid (5905points) June 22nd, 2011

I’m honestly not the prettiest girl around. I’m a little on the chubby side and I’m really not comfertable with the way I look. I used to get made fun of ALOT. But, it’s died downsince then…

I, for one, am not shy though. I have plenty of friends and I love them all. And, appearently 44% of all girls have low self esteems. I’m one of them.

I feel so sad sometimes. I’m always calling myself fat and ugly. I can never say anything positive about myself.

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20 Answers

CaptainHarley's avatar

Accomplish a list of things of ever-increasing difficulty.

creative1's avatar

I found a way that boosted esteem was to go to the gym the working out actually gets all the good endorphines going and it can make you feel up even when your not. It will also shed any extra lbs you find you haveā€¦. If I feel a little down I go for a walk, run, or a swim and it always makes me feel better.

_zen_'s avatar

Keep writing brilliant questions like the last few and sit back and enjoy the praise from us, the bestest bunch of coconuts on the net. That would boost my self-esteem.

WasCy's avatar

Learn something and teach it to someone else. I used to think that I knew Microsoft Excel a bit, for example, until people started asking me, “How do I… ?” and asking questions I had never thought of before. In helping them to find answers, I learned a lot about Excel, and now I really do know it quite well.

Learn and teach. That’s a sure way.

Coloma's avatar

Looks aren’t everything, although in our mega shallow western culture it can sometimes seem that way.
Just be yourself, we all have gifts and talents and ‘special’ things that set us apart from others. Be kind, be honest, be a good friend, be loving, be caring, be helpful, and do happy, healthy things for yourself to feel your best and most positive.

Also know that learning to accept yourself is a really important part of ones self esteem, and that in many ways you have the ADVANTAGE, people that are not perfect often work harder to develop their inner qualities which many more physically attractive people do not.

I was always ’ cute’, and enjoyed my share of attention, but, never drop dead gorgeous, bombshell material. I also have always valued my brains, humor and integrity over my physical being.

Guess what?

In my middle age I am very comfortable with my aging process, not neurotically obsessed with losing my looks, nor looking to go under the knife to squeeze out a few more years of youthful appeal.

I have an ex friend who has really struggled in her middle age, she has always been drop dead gorgeous and yet, is the most emotionally fragile and insecure person I have ever known, she has spent $1000’s upon $1000’s on cosmetic procedures and is still a psychic mess. Be happy with yourself, you ARE one of a kind, a snowflake, and, your inner beauty is far more important than a few extra lbs. :-D

marinelife's avatar

Get the book Self Parenting. It is very helpful at making your negative self-talk conscious and changing it to more positive self-talk. That will boost your self-esteem.

Cruiser's avatar

Just be glad and I mean REALLY glad you are not them. Everybody has their faults and yours are no greater or less than anyone else. This is your life to live not theirs so embrace what you do have not only in your life but what you know in your heart you have to give. What you know you want and what you know you can give is what make who you are and don’t EVER let anyone take that away from you or deny you that opportunity to give of yourself. You will be just fine!

zenvelo's avatar

In addition to the wisdom above, please do this exercise:

Stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself in your eyes, and say “I love you” 30 times. Do this every day for a month.

It will be uncomfortable at first, but you will like it and start to love yourself by the end of the month.

No one will truly love you, or find you attractive, until you love yourself and find your self attractive.

We all know you’re a beautiful young lady, you need to learn that too.

dannyc's avatar

Everybody is worthy of love. And important to someone. And to all of us here. That makes you beautiful.

Judi's avatar

The best way to help your self esteem is to do things for people who can never repay you. It could be helping with Special Olympics, reading to someone in a nursing home, or collecting toys for foster children. Just doing things for others, with no thought of yourself, in a strange and wonderful way makes you feel better about yourself.

majorrich's avatar

Hang out at a hometown buffet or golden corral for an afternoon. Sure fire way to make you feel better about yourself.

atlantis's avatar

You don’t have to be “flawed” to have low self-esteem. There are perfect people with the perfect set of teeth, intelligence and what have you that are absolutely lost! Case in point: celebrities in rehab.

A little bit of self-doubt can be helpful. It’s only when it stops you from behaving normally in everyday situations or risk your happiness does it become a self-esteem issue.

All of the above suggestions are great. For me, I found what I really loved to do and became an expert in it. (I took up a foreign language). I never thought about my self-esteem or how it would help me in social situations or having something to brag about. I did it because I was really good at it and the exposure was great for my development. Also I had the best teachers. So that was lucky for me.

You just have to find the little part of you that makes you YOU. You’re inner child. It’s the most valuable part of yourself. And then build upon that.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

This will sound odd but it’s worked for more than a few people I know, myself too. Get a full length mirror you can hang on the back of a bedroom or bathroom door. Get used to looking at yourself naked in front of it. Exercise in front of it, dress in front of it, whatever. Make sure it’s hung in a way not to bend and show you shorter than you are because you’ll really hate it. I’ll gamble after a few months you’ll be more comfortable with yourself and not become desensitized to what you perceive as flaws but you will become more realistic about which are serious and which are no big deal.

answerjill's avatar

I was picked on a lot when I was in middle school. I started to feel much better about myself in high school. While part of it could have been that some of my peers had matured and/or found better things to do than harass me, I think that there are a few additional explanations. 1. I started to take more advanced classes with students who valued intelligence. 2. I started to participate in extra-curricular activities at school that helped me to make friends and feel good about my talents. 3. I went to a “nerd camp” in the summers that made me realize that I was not alone and that there is a whole world of other people out there who would appreciate me for me. Could you maybe join a youth group or some other activity that would allow you to explore your interests and make friends who do not go to your school?

newth's avatar

There are people out there that are attractive but have no friends at all. It is evident that you are a likable/lovable person, and people want to be your friend. Make a list of what is working for you right now in your life. Focus on that. Then work on envisioning a future you want for yourself, say in 5–10 years. Write it out as a letter if you need to and address it to a close friend (for pretend reasons if you like). Whatever you want to improve about yourself, look into doing something about it. Who says life has to be the way it is? We are the creators of our own world.

sliceswiththings's avatar

I agree with @creative1: take action and you’ll feel better. I recently did my research about nutrition, and I’ve been eating much healthier since, in addition to exercising more. Even if it didn’t make a difference (and it has!) I always feel so good after biking or swimming or just having a salad. I even have a chart with a checklist of things to do (stretching before bed, exercise, skipping sweets, etc.) and put stickers on each day that I do them. The more stickers I have, the better I feel about my accomplishments, and the more self-esteem I have.

mattbrowne's avatar

Beware of the promises of instant gratifications which only give us fleeting sensations of pleasure. Look for hard-won accomplishments as a team and as an individual. Identify your talents and strengths.

serenityNOW's avatar

Give this a read, too – When I remember the main premise of this text, I find things go smoother -

The Complete Guide to Not Giving A F&@#!

Hope that helps.

Schroedes13's avatar

No one is perfect. That’s the bottom line. When you see those “beautiful” models, many of them have a skewed sense of self as well. Just be happy in your own skin. If you feel like it makes you feel better, go to a gym. If not, just start telling yourself “I’m awesome!” It might not work right away, but as in sports, positive self-talk is a great strategy for better outcomes.

Etequetaqui's avatar

In my country the answer would be “get a breast boost!”. It’s aweful, but seems to work. I’m just telling, don’t do it.

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