It’s very unfortunate, and not very smart that you two are already having sex at aged 15. You and he are clearly not mature enough to handle all of the possible repercussions that go along with having sex.
Do you know what you would want to do if you became pregnant? Do you think (or actually know for sure) if he would stick around and support whatever decision you made regarding a pregnancy (either having an abortion, keeping the baby, or giving it up for adoption)? Have you ever had a real discussion with him about what you both would do if you got pregnant? Have either one of you been tested for STD’s? If not, why not? (If you guys are just friends with benefits, there is a 99% chance that he is sleeping around with other people, even if he tells you that he isn’t) Do you use birth control 100% of the time? And do you really know how to use it properly? (Most young people don’t, especially when it comes to putting on and sucessfully removing condoms) Are you aware that even having your friend’s penis near your lady parts can get you pregnant? (That’s because the seminal fluid, that contains sperm, starts flowing down the chute as a lubricant, even before the male has an ejaculation)
This young man, clearly does not want you as a girlfriend, or he would have asked you to be his girlfriend. He’s stated that you guys are just friends but then he doesn’t hesitate to act like you are a couple (at least sexually). He gets to have all the fun of an adult sexual relationship, without having any responsibility or feelings of love towards you what-so-ever.
Do you want a real one-one-one love/sex relationship with this guy? If you do, you need to ask him, immediately, if he wants that too. If he says no, or that he doesn’t know, you need to break up with him right there on the spot. You can’t change a guy into something that he isn’t, or make him do something that he doesn’t want to do. A young guy who’s getting hot, free sex without any responsibility, is likely to continue to want that, and only that. If he was your boyfriend, then he’d actually have to care about you, and be concerned for your welfare, and treat you like an equal. Most 15 year old boys don’t want that at all. Many 20 something guys don’t want that at all. Some 30 something guys don’t want that at all. A few 40 something guys don’t want that at all either. But most guys will tell you straight up, whether or not they want a real relationship with you (although there are some that will tell you that they are your boyfriend/husband and then cheat on you anyway). But most guys who want a real relationship with you, will tell you so.
These FWB types of relationships often benefit only the guy. Most girls hate this kind of relationship, but put up with them in hopes that one day, their guy friend will miraculously fall in love with them. That is so rare, that you’d be more likely to be hit by an asteroid. Why should he change his mind? He enjoys this type of relationship.
Don’t be one of those girls that think that their situation is different from everybody else’s crappy FWB situation. And don’t be one of those girls who asks for advice, then when given good solid advice, tells the advice givers that “he’s different” or “you just don’t know the whole situation.” If he’s different, then let us know how. If we don’t know the whole situation, then tell us. You said that He used to give me advice and such, and help me. Of course he did. That’s how he drew you into this situation. He probably likes you just fine, as a friend, but does not view you as a girlfriend at all, just a sex buddy. I’m sure that most of the deeper conversations have ended now that you’re having sex with him. Most young guys think that those deeper subjects are a pain in the ass, but they’re willing to indulge you for awhile to draw you in so will feel something for them and have sex with them. Once you’re hooked, they don’t need to keep up the deep talk.
Here’s what is likely to happen. You’ll continue to be a FWB kind of girl until he dumps you. Or you will get upset and try to get him to become your boyfriend, he won’t and then he will dump you. Or he will date around, and it will become more obvious and out in the open, to the point where you will be publicly humiliated, then he’ll dump you, before you get the chance to dump him. Or lastly (and this will probably be the worst one) he will meet someone who he actually falls in love with, it won’t be you, and then he will dump you.
Be one of those girls that says no to FWB types of relationships and having sex before they are mature enough to appreciate it for what it can be, and before has the skills and knowlege of how to handle any problems that may arise from getting pregnant, to contracting an STD to dealing with being un-loved by a person that you love.
The other thing that happens when a girl participates in a FWB type of relationship (and this is totally unfair, and sexist and proves an ongoing double standard) the girl will be labeled as a whore, desperate and slutty. A guy participating in this type of relationship will be labeled by his buddies as a cool player and a stud and a guy who knows how to dodge a bullet. He’ll get patted on the back and looked up to, you, as the female will be looked at with disdain.
End this situation now, once and for all. You might be able to be just friends with this fellow, but not likely. But end the FWB stuff right now, or you’ll just be heading for heartbreak. Better to break if off now, for yourself, than to be dumped down the line, at his convenience.
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. It really sucks to be a 15 year old girl, to fall for someone and have that person not have the same feelings back. Been there, done that.
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