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wundayatta's avatar

What does it say about a person when almost every new friend they make is a drunk?

Asked by wundayatta (58663points) June 25th, 2011

I was talking to a friend not too long ago and it came up that every woman he had met in the last year or so turned out to have issues with drinking. My friend is kind of a lonely, melancholy guy who doesn’t get out that much. He sees his kids only on weekends. Like me, he has a brain chemistry problem. It’s interesting, because a couple of the women he met also had the same disorder he has.

These are mostly women he’s met online, so he really knows nothing about them before hand. But it also happened with at least one person he met in real life.

I can relate to the brain disorder thing because it also happens to me, although not to the same degree. But the drinking issue thing makes me wonder.

Do you have any theories as to how to explain it? Is there a certain kind of attitude or feeling about life that is more prevalent among drinkers than it is among the rest of us? Why would he be attracted to drinkers even before he knows they are dealing with the issue?

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8 Answers

WasCy's avatar

The “issues with drinking” could have been his own interpretation of what others (including, perhaps, the women themselves) consider to be perfectly normal social drinking.

I tend to avoid people as card-playing partners, for example, who go on and on about how “all of [their] partners are stupid”, for example. The statement reveals a lot more about their own ability than their partners’.

zenvelo's avatar

Before you mentioned this was mostly on line, I was going to say he hangs out in places where drunks are.

Alcoholics and codependents seem to have a knack for finding people in similar circumstances, maybe he should look closely at what the people he is choosing on line are saying that is attractive to him. Is it “love to take care of my man” or “drinks regularly” or “never drinks”?

I too have been surprised at the number of women I have been attracted to that have similar issues. It amazes me how many women I like that are psychotherapists of some sort.

Coloma's avatar

Well, it’s hard to see on the surface level at times, but, water seeks it’s own level, meaning on a subconscious level people attract those that mirror their own levels of development, for better or for worse. On the other hand, once one has done some ‘work’ on themselves they will be quicker to see and pay attention to red flags.

I seem to attract very narcissistic men, controlling, arrogant, but, now days I am on to the signs early on and don’t overlook behaviors and attitudes that don’t work for me.

I tend to be a very open, giving, genuine woman and very generous as well, but, no longer in a co-dependent fashion. I am aware that I may always be pre-disposed to attracting certain types, ( and this has been true of female friends as well ) but now I trust myself implicitly to be awake and aware enough to not fall into unconsciousness for long.

Photosopher's avatar

Birds of a feather…

Bellatrix's avatar

We have a beautiful friend who drinks to excess and he has now married a woman who also drinks to excess. We have seen it as enabling behaviour. They can both drink to their heart’s content and neither will nag the other.

Hibernate's avatar

Either the partner won’t be bothered by that
or
Birds of a feather flock together…

blueiiznh's avatar

like attracts like.
I have also noticed that the more rural you are, the more that drinking seems to be prevalent. Maybe its a function of not having much else to do, solitude, etc.
When there is not much to do I guess its either drink or tip cows.

Schroedes13's avatar

If “what you see is what you get”, then why are we told “don’t judge a book by its cover?” lol

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