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edmartin101's avatar

What's the best way to motivate somebody to do something?

Asked by edmartin101 (776points) April 28th, 2008

I have a friend I agreed to help her with school fees to attend a vocational school to learn hand embroidery. She finished the course but has such low self esteem she doesn’t believe she can do well. The more I push her and tell her she is doing ok, the harder it is for me to encourage her to do it. I wonder what am I doing wrong.

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9 Answers

mzgator's avatar

You’re not doing anything wrong. I tend to suffer from low self esteem myself. It is a personal battle for me. No one can convince me to feel better about myself, I just have to make up my mind and believe it on a daily basis. Kind words, good friendship, encouraging words all will help though. It would be great for her self esteem for someone who is not her friend to see her work and compliment her on it.

TheHaight's avatar

Just keep doing what you’re doing! like what mzgator said- it is a personal battle. I’m going through the exact same thing but with my best friend, except the self-esteem issue is a relationship issue. Her boyfriend broke up with her over 9 months ago! and she’s still pretty bummed…I’ve been there for her almost everyday and I’m sure she appreciates my listening skills. It can be frustrating, but be patient and be there for your friend.

edmartin101's avatar

I guess I am too confident of myself. Maybe I have read too many books on positive thinking that it actually did something good in me, huh! Thanks TheHaight, I’ll be more patient and just plain visit her more often. What would be good to give her to let her know I appreciate her efforts and that she is on the right track?

TheHaight's avatar

thats good that you’re confident of yourself, and can admit it- most people can’t, and need to be more confident… I know I need too. Anyways- just listening to her is good enough. Take her to a “celebratory dinner” or lunch for finishing school.

wildflower's avatar

You need to break it down to the basics: The Whip and The Carrot. What are they in this case? F.ex. The Whip could be that if she doesn’t do something about it, the course, time and effort put in to it so far was a waste and she won’t be happy. The Carrot could be that if she goes for it, she will get the satisfaction of being recognised and rewarded for her passion.
Then apply a mixture of the two suitable to the situation.

It is a classic appeal-avoid conflict: does she want to succeed more than she wants avoid failing…..
It sounds like you’re on the right track, but one idea that came to mind is you could try getting her in touch with people in the field that could give her some feedback and encouragement.

boffin's avatar

357 Magnum or 9mm Glock That inspires most…..

edmartin101's avatar

@wildflower Yeah! I never thought of that, get her to a forum like this one, but one dealing with her craft. I hope I can find one. If anybody has any leads on this one I would sincerely appreciate it. I told her I want no part in it, but now looking back I think that was a mistake cos now she says I am on my own and not get support anymore. So I guess at least for now I have to continue to take her by the hand n introduce others who arte in the same boat as she is. This sounds like a lot of homework, huh!!
@boffin The fear of inspiration huh!! take it or lose it kinda deal Wild west style….sounds like fun to me!!!

edmartin101's avatar

@THeHaight, celebratory dinner…...hmmmm that smells like a date…..... I just volunteered to help her though. What if she starts getting too close?......How should I react to that?

texteach's avatar

Maybe you can tell someone you have a job for them that no one else can do.

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