General Question

missbabyboo's avatar

Internet Long Distance Dating?

Asked by missbabyboo (195points) April 28th, 2008

i just want to see what others think about internet long distance some people just call it internet dating but in other words if they text or call each other, thats called a long i was wondering if you,flutherers, think its a relationship thats alright or people should just not even go there? for my opinion, i think its kind of think its alright like as long as you know that person well enough and like may never see that person but at least youre having a great time

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38 Answers

TheHaight's avatar

Theres already a question like yours actually a few questions down from yesterday!
the long dstance thing can be difficult though, it will only work if both are dedicated to eachother and patient.

peedub's avatar

That’s a very long-distance sentence. I think that if you’re OK with it, then it is OK.

loser's avatar

it never works

nikipedia's avatar

I think people who date someone over the internet who they never meet are dating an imaginary person. Not literally—but it’s much easier to project things you like onto a person who you never actually have to hang out with.

wildflower's avatar

I think it depends on what you expect from the relationship.
If you’re just looking for someone to talk to (on the phone, over email, etc.), then sure, why not – as nikipedia pointed out, the person will take on almost imaginary status, which in that scenario may be a good thing.
However, if you expect to get involved with this person (romantically), I wouldn’t get my hopes up – but then again, you should never say never.

soundedfury's avatar

I agree with niki. Physical presence is vital, if only for being able to read a person and have better insight. Absent face-to-face, we often are only projecting a certain side of ourselves.

I’ve done long-distance and it was hard. The phone calls, e-mails, text messages and occasional weekends together are only enough to not split up, they are not enough to form a relationship. They rely heavily on the shared experience that happened before you’re forced apart.

They aren’t enough, however, if that distance doesn’t have an expiration date.

Generally, proceed with caution.

babygalll's avatar

Long distance relationships are tough and can put a lot of stress on the relationship. You have to have a lot of communication!!!

scamp's avatar

You can make some great friends on the internet if you are very careful, but as far as having another type of relationship, it may be fun for awhile, but it probably won’t work long term. The reason I say this is because you are falling in love with a voice, or words on a screen, not a real person. This isn’t saying the person you are talking to isn’t real, but like Niki said, it’s kind of like having an imaginary friend.

I talked online to my present SO for close to a year before we met. We thought we knew each other because of all the things we said online and on the phone, but once we met, I was surprised at how much more I had to learn about him. People are very different when they have the anonymity of the internet to hide behind. They can tell you anything they THINK you want to hear, and hide what they don’t want you to know about them.

In some ways, it makes it even harder to get to know someone because when you meet, you have all these pre-concieved notions about what the person is like, and it strains the relationship because you have to start all over again to really get to know each other. I think it’s in your best interest to just be friends with this guy, and look for someone who is nearby. At your age, you shouldn’t tie yourself down to someone who is available to you in real life. You can’t go to the movies or out to dinner with your computer screen.

In summary, freindships can work, but love relationships are very difficult at best, and can be very dangerous.

chaosrob's avatar

Makes it very easy to lie to one another…

loser's avatar

its never okay to lie

Babo's avatar

Lets not go there!

peedub's avatar

In Babo we trust.

gooch's avatar

Its a joke. You could just date a video game because its not real.

TheHaight's avatar

oh Gooch.. You negative nancy

ninjaxmarc's avatar

I have had my experience with this and in truth its just lust for one another, enjoying conversations, thoughts, being mindful of each other. The only good I’ve had is keeping in touch with some of them and still enjoying conversations 10 years later as friends.

aaronblohowiak's avatar

my buddy is engaged to a lady he met online, and moved a couple thousand miles to be near her. notably, they both were not out looking, but they hung out at the same places on the internet and nature had its way with them.

LuckVIII's avatar

it seems that’s if you are just looking for friendships over the Internet it fine. I have 2 friends whom I never met but chat and text all the time for over 7 years. Now for dating that’s a different beast altogether. I wouldnt recommend it cause you never can tell what’s reals and made up.

edmartin101's avatar

If we are talking online dating long distance local within the USA, then I agree with all the apprehensiveness going on this matter. However, if you are dating someone internationally, it’s a different beast altogether because now you are dealing with people from a different culture. I say this because I have dated both within the US and internationally online. My experience with local gals is mind boggling, whereas gals from another country may or may not be different. If you take your time and do your homework right, you can find a good soul mate online. I certainly did find a gal from South East Asia, that was a year ago and to this day we are still dating. I eventually decided to travel to her country to meet her in person. I managed to make some local friends living in her country. So my American friend actually set a meeting place with her and later he reported to me back in the US of his experience with her. It all seems that she actually told me the truth and she was as lovely as when I met her. On the other hand you never really get to know the person 100% because just like you may change, anybody can specially women. I read it somewhere as a joke but have found it very true, Men marry women hoping they wont change, but once you marry her, her true colors come out. Women marry men hoping they will change, especially if they have bad habits; once men get married they continue to do what they were doing before, so they don’t change. So you have to reach a compromise, like in the book “Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars” it’s a good book I recommend on this subject of relationships.

missbabyboo's avatar

ok answer to my question and all, i am now dating the guy ive met online which sorta in a way is long distance relationship..he lives not that far from me since i live in california and he lives and be visiting him in july and hopefully get to know each other you flutherers think i picked the right choice?

babygalll's avatar

You are the only one who can answer that. Do you feel you made the right choice? Are you having doubts about the choice you made?

My advice to you is to have A LOT of communication with each other. Long distance relationships can put a lot of stress on both of you. Misunderstanding are going to happen, but talk through them. Never let them go. Good luck to you!

scamp's avatar

Does he have plans to move to your state, or you to his? I don’t see how this can work out between the two of you except for some online fun. When and if you do go to meet him, be very careful. Make sure you are not alone, and meet in public. I think it would be wiser for you to find someone nearby tho.

loser's avatar

wouldn’t it be a lot handier to hook up with someone who lives in the same state you do?

LuckVIII's avatar

LOL it would be easier if that person was in the same state but to be in love…. Can’t help to who you are attracted to. Let us know how it turns outs when you visit him in Texas.

chaosrob's avatar

Choosing such an obviously problematic relationship suggests that you may have some issues to work through. You can’t help who you’re attracted to, but if you’re attracted to someone generally unavailable and you choose to build a relationship that never addresses the most basic questions of learning to deal with another person on an intimate, day-to-day basis, you should try to figure out why.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

just beware and wary of your situation.
Your best bet is to have him come here around your friends and family.

I hope your mind is as strong as your heart.

missbabyboo's avatar

yes it would be handier but also thered be much more drama…because before i dated my boyfriend who lives in texas, i was really attracted to a guy who lived in the same state as me and we really liked each other, but one thing was that he was my ex.bffs boyfriend…so nothing happened so i chose to be with my next attraction which is my boyfriend now

missbabyboo's avatar

i would have him come down here and visit me and meet my friends but one thing is that i have the house to myself so thatd be more dangerous..because actually going up there and meeting would be safer because his family would be there…and i have a friend going up there with me

ninjaxmarc's avatar

glad you have it planned out.

missbabyboo's avatar

ya sorta i guess

warpling's avatar

You have to communicate a lot and often, it’s very hard and takes a lot of energy. Keeping up with fun ways to entertain each other during long breaks is great (mailing gifts, sending letters, video chatting?). It will never really work unless you see the person as often as possible and even then it can be very hard, but I personally think it can be worth it. This is coming from an 8 month relationship from one coast to another that ended from the strain of long-distance.

deaddolly's avatar

my daughter’s done these relationships….i call them practice boyfriends.

Siren's avatar

Safety should be your number one concern. Second is if he is who he says he is (ie not married, or a resident of one of our fine penal institutions). If you haven’t already, I would get as much info about him as you can before you meet him, which may include talking to his family and people at his work, just to be as sure as possible you know who he really is. Sometimes when people are less willing to share that info, it may be a good indication that they are not who they say they are, or are not sincere.

Also, you may want to hang out with him in a public area the first time around, instead of meeting him at his home or some other private residence. Like an amusement park or somewhere you can spend a big portion of the day so you can talk. Good luck with it.

Siren's avatar

ooops, didn’t see the “friend” part in your response missybabyboo. Sounds like you have the safety part covered. Good for you.

seekingwolf's avatar

I think internet dating when you NEVER meet the person doesn’t work. However, if you’ve met, and you realize that you are compatible, it’s definitely possible. Both parties must trust each other, take time to talk to each other, and, of course, visit once in a while.

kevinhardy's avatar

it works out sometimes, goodluck

Response moderated
kirkratliff's avatar

If you put in all the effort on both sides and make sure constant contact is occuring than its definitely possible. I was in one for 4 months and thats not why we broke up, so if you need any advice just contact me.

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