If most of us are trying to be the best people we can be, why are there so many douchebags in the world?
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Jellie (
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July 7th, 2011
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49 Answers
We have different ideas of what makes people good. Even Hitler thought he was doing everyone a favor.
No I mean more simpler things like cutting in line, being rude or offensive, being inconsiderate of other people’s feelings… the standard on these things are pretty much universal.
Because most people are self-centered. And it has gotten worse in the last 30 years.
I don’t see this at all. With very few exceptions, most people I know are loving, caring, honest and real people! Any douchebags that cross my path get promptly kicked to the curb!
Today I had the worst day. A colleague sent me his contribution on a report which I had to go through and almost re do, I was at my tailor giving him the measurements for my clothes and a woman just interrupts our conversation and starts asking her questions (not just one small question) and a few other things really.
I don’t think most of us are trying to be the best they can be…
You just had a bad run of douchebag luck.
Most situations come down to a matter of perspective.
Let’s look at the woman you ran into at the tailor and possible perspectives…
> maybe she thought you were taking too long and so her interruption was justified (she thinks you’re the douche)
> maybe her dog was in the car and she didn’t want to leave him too long (people who abuse animals are universally douches)
> maybe she’s in a hurry to get back home to her kids, in her mind she’s just trying to be a good mom, which is more important to her than being polite to a stranger (what’s more important than kids?)
I’m not justifying any of them, but I think we’re all perceived as “the douce” from time to time because we have too much to do and not enough time. We can’t all be horrible people.
If I’m driving too fast am I
a) an ass
b) trying to make it somewhere on time because I don’t want to make someone I care about wait
If you’re the person I don’t make wait, I’m polite for caring. If you’re the person that made me run late because I offered to help you finish your project, I’m a hard worker.
If you’re a fellow driver, I’m a douchebag.
I don’t accept the premise that most people are trying to be the best that they can be.
People have their own standards of what the best is anyway.
Then there are the sociopaths….
I agree with @nikipedia – what ‘the best we can be’ is vastly different for all of us.
I agree with @Facade. I don’t think that most people are trying to be the best that they can be. Most people are probably trying to do what is best or expedient for themselves at any given moment.
@nikipedia also has the right idea. One man’s idea of what is good and helpful and right is another man’s horror.
@funkdaddy yea but the lady could have asked me if she was in a hurry and I would have gladly let her cut in… This is how I look at things.. if I’m in a hurry, I’ll ask the person in front of me and explain my situation…Isn’t that the right thing to do?
@sarahhhhh – put more succinctly – “you can’t please all of the people all of the time”
It’s all in the word trying from your question.
We try and sometimes succeed, sometimes we fail.
Your doing good can be someone else’s bad behaviour (opening a door for a lady can be deemed galant by my mother while my aunt may feel it is sexist).
@sarahhhhh Yes, it does. Each person’s perspective is different from our own. That is what @nikipedia was saying.
Example:
One person thinks they’re doing the world a kindness by taking in 40 cats to their house, another by shooting feral cats on their property…which one is right?
Maybe being a douchebag is the best some people can be.
Sometimes I wonder how there are so many despicable people in the “real world,” when it seems like most of the people I run across in internet discussions regarding respect towards others (most) claim to have empathetic life outlooks. I think probably, the people who are callous and uncaring for other people are probably not the people that you’ll run across in a discussion on their life outlooks. Because they just don’t give that topic enough attention to go about discussing it on the internet. Plus, people have skewed views on their behavior when they’re discussing it, and maybe don’t actually behave as respectfully as they claim to.
I think it’s because those type of people are often louder than the rest of us (in most everything they do). Maybe it just seems like there’s more of them.
I also agree with the fact that not everyone shares the same ideas on what “being a good person” is.
Also, some people really just do not seem to know any better. It’s true. Many don’t even realise they have these negative traits or that those traits are even negative in the first place ..amazing but true.
We live in a world where people are increasingly confused about how to act with one another. Questions like, Am I supposed to say something? Is this normal? Should they be doing that? Is it my business? etc. So, we learn to say nothing to the ones who are displaying these negative traits (whether they are from a different culture or not). I think this is, in part, because of the massive culture mixing (especially via the internet) that has occurred in the last couple decades. I believe it’s getting easier for us though. It just takes time to break down the confusion (it takes longer for some people).
Of course there are always exceptions. Not everyone reacts and acts the same. Society, as a whole, is quite predictable though.
I agree as well, it has little to do with trying toi be the best one can be for many, and EVERYTHING to do with total, obliviousness and lack of self and other awareness.
A reletively conscious, self aware person may still interrupt or commit minor douchebaggary offenses on occasion…BUT…they CATCH themselves, quickly!
A person who is truly trying to better themselves is a person that is actively pursuing their self awareness and presence ‘work’, not just clicking down the track of their oblivious program.
If you really watch people, observe, notice how many stare at the ground when they walk, never look up, walk right out in front of your car in a parking lot, etc. etc.
I always joke about ” LOOK the F—K UP, would’ya…there’s an entire world above your KNEES.
Amazing how many people only see what the average Basset Hound sees. lol
I have been a people watcher for a long time, especially since I retired. As the world we live in becomes more crowded, so too there is a trend with people who, for lack of a better word are socially lazy: that is, instead of seeing themselves as a part of a community they are too consumed with their own lives to see how their actions impact everybody else. That would be about 40% of the douchebags you see. About 20% of them are so clueless about their actions they aren’t even trying to ‘be good’ in their own little world. These are the people you would say are bumping along with their head up their ass and don’t know any better. There are a small percentage of people who are active douchebage, and appear to go out of their way to make things difficult for everyone else and that the community ‘owes’ them something. Social norms don’t seem to apply to these people and they are the ones likely to jump in line, blow their horn at you for now apparent reason, Even be confrontational about some heinous sin they perceived you may have committed against them.
The percentage of people you encounter who are actually trying to make the world a better place appears to be diminishing in my opinion. This would reflect in the smaller number of people volunteering for things, the reduced number of children participating in Scouting or 4H, and the reduction of people who participate in a faith-based organization, such as going to church, or DeMolay (not sure of the spelling of that one) The Salvation Army or anything of that sort. If you look at these, you will find people that are older than most, the end of the ‘great generation’ and even Vietnam War era people.
It’s not necessarily like this all over the world. The most amazing example of a socially aware people was in Japan withe their travails There was little to no looting and people were pitching in and sharing what resources they had to pull together. One reporter I recall was amazed about how people were out cleaning up and sweeping and not breaking windows and making off with stuff.
@majorrich
I agree. And I am one that does make a conscious effort to be a decent person.
I’ll pick up others trash that they just watch blow away, smile, hold doors, make jokes, offer pay for someone that comes up a few dollars short in my travels.I pick up stray dogs on the highway and almost always stop if someone is broken down to see if they need help.
All you can do is BE the way you wish everyone was, these small contributions do make a difference. :-)
If I may speak on behalf of my fellow douchebags, we are sick and tired of you ‘normies’ with your freakin’ reasonability and civil behaviour. You know it takes much less effort to just give up and be a douchebag like the rest of us. Good luck with your well-adjusted family life and with the sleeping at night.
People tend to focus on the bad behavior. It’s because it is not normal that it stands out.
@atomicmonkey Maybe for you it takes more effort to be positive, civil and evolved. But, for many others, there’s much more effort required to keep up negativity, ignorance and selfishness.
Most people find it difficult to be something they’re not used to. You call yourself a douchebag ..I guess you’d have a difficult time being otherwise. Just as “nice” people have a difficult time being otherwise.
Because being good just doesn’t feel right. I feel more like me (thus the best I can be) when being a jerk. Not saying that I don’t behave and be a goody two shoes at times.
I think there are more people out there who are cool than those who are mean. Many people don’t understand that scowling at a stranger can ruin their time, that smiling at one can brighten their day. I am a firm believer in the idea that every little thing you do counts. I try my best to make life as enjoyable for those around me as I reasonably can. It doesn’t take much. I try to be polite. I try not to judge others before I know them. And if sometimes I fail, it is not a failing of humanity as a whole, but a personal quandary. Sometimes we are just too caught up in our own lives to worry about others, and everyone deserves a little leeway.
most people are douchebags and they WILL hurt you. People tell you to be your best. They will act as if they are good people but they are full of shit. Everyone is out for themselves.
@majorrich – That’s because Japanese are brought up (culturally) to think of the greater good rather than the individual. This deeply ingrained way of being in Japan is necessary when you consider how crowded (large population) they are into a relatively small land mass (island nation).
Conversely, many Western Civilizations (and the U.S. to a great extreme) prize the individual. While individual creativity may flourish in a society that’s focused on individualism, it also creates a very self-centered or selfish society.
I lived in Japan for a lonnng time. I had a very hard re-adjustment to life in the US because I found people so unbelievably rude here (in the US, my homeland).
Perfect example.. in the small Japanese town that I lived in, if I stopped at night at an intersection both I, and the opposing traffic stopped across the light, would turn off our headlights on our car. This was so that while we waited at the light our headlights wouldn’t bother the other drivers’ eyes.
After years of living and driving in this orderly, considerate society in Japan I returned to my hometown (a moderate sized college town in the mid-west of the US).
The first time I turned off my headlights at an intersection (just out of habit) the driver across the intersection flashed his high beams repeatedly at me and then later flipped me off. I am so not kidding.
@Mikewlf337
I really, really, REALLY hate to believe that, but…the older I get, the more I have realized that not everyone is built like I am. It’s like reverse projection. haha
I still refuse to become jaded to humanity.
I DO believe there is still, at least, a equal amount of good in the hearts of the teeming masses.
While one must be pragmatic, it is also true, that if you think that way you WILL attract more of the dark side than the light. This is not metaphysical bullshit…we DO create our own reality by the thought energies we maintain.
As a man thinketh…
@geeky_mama
Perfect example of like energies communing and then, the polar opposite coming into play.
I love Asia, everyone is much more present. :-)
@lucillelucillelucille is right, don’t forget about the sociopaths.
The self-entitled. The trust-fund drunks. The people in too much pain to notice they are causing more.
What a world, what a world, let God or the Aliens deal with the dark side. I REFUSE to be a slave to the dark side.
@dabbler Painting with a pretty wide brush….I an NOT in pain, don’t have a trust fund and I earned every damn dime I have!!! ;)
@geeky_mama I grew up on Okinawa and came to America in the early 70’s to a small town in the midwest. Most of the kids had never seen an Asian before so as I learned English and became assimilated I learned a lot. I still see a lot through Asian eyes, but had to give up my Japanese citizenship to join the Army. Boy! what a ride! I think I have seen about every kind of douchebag under the sun.
It is my hope that as America becomes more populous they learn how to think of the greater good.
What @Mariah says rings true. Infact that is what got me thinking.. everyone I meet, speak to or have a conversation with (whether friends or strangers) will talk all the time about how the world has gone to the dogs, people don’t respect people any more and so on… but in the real world… there’s a whole bunch of d*cks just roaming around and being annoying.
Bah.
From the answers so far, it seems that where people come from or live is an important factor. I was half hoping this would come out in the thread. I think it’s important for people to take notice and understand why/how these differences occur. I also don’t want it to turn into flaming of other countries – as I’ve seen happen before on Fluther.
In Canada, politeness and the importance of community are bred into most of us – some more so than others ..lol. I’m certainly not saying we don’t have our share of “douchebags” though. Every country/community does. I have known quite a few Canadians who moved to different areas in the U.S. (most for long periods – some are still there). One of the biggest common “people” complaints? The lack of basic manners and odd inability to be socially aware. I fully agree that it has to do with the oddly high importance placed on favouring individualism. I wasn’t going to get into that until @majorrich and @geeky_mama mentioned the Japan thing. A few of my American friends like to poke fun at my politeness and social awareness ..I find it strange that it is that foreign to them. And, yes, I am more socially aware and reserved than the average Canadian ..but their behaviour is noticeable to Americans as well. Many people find extreme individualism to be very off or odd ..and find social awareness to be the norm. Personally, I think American society took a step in the wrong direction. I do not think a country can sustain itself for long on individualism and selfishness. Just my honest opinion.
Please understand this: I am trying to be respectful. I am not trying to insult anyone. I am not saying all Americans are a rude unruly people. I know there are plenty of Americans who are decent people. I’m only giving an example of some of my experience on the matter.
@majorrich – ah, then you know just what I speak of. I went to high school in Okinawa (lived in Ginowan City next to the Kakazu park overlooking the Marine base..I think it was Funtenma) too..but in the mid-eighties after you were already in the midwest. :)
You may hate to believe that and so do I. Since I was able to understand I cared about others. They have used it against me and I no longer believe in people as a whole. I care about others but I do not care about humanity because of it’s callous cruelness to each other. I don’t say hi to others anymore. I don’t greet strangers. I keep to myself or talk to my friends and family but no one else.
@Plucky I completely agree with you and I live in the U.S. When I visited England, I was so thrilled at how polite and nice everyone was. Most of the people on our tour bus fit the description of the “ugly American” and I was so embarrassed. The British tour guide actually had to have a talk with several of these people to let them know that their behavior was un-acceptable.
I think this is why I’m so distressed. I’ve spent three years in England where generally people are polite enough. Coming home I’m just not re-adjusting.
@Mikewlf337 a lot of places compared to England seem, if not rude, just inconsiderate and harsh.
@geeky_mama I thought I was over reacting you know, thanks for that link… I do miss England :(
Cruiser that wasn’t about you, those are the folks to watch out for ! They don’t act as “loving, caring, honest and real” people that you mention.
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