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JLeslie's avatar

Men: Would you prefer your wife does not work?

Asked by JLeslie (60811points) July 8th, 2011

Does it depend on how much money you have?

Does it have anything to do with whether you have children or not?

Assume for this question the woman is just fine with not working, you are not stopping her from pursuing her goals. There is no assumption of some sort of macho, power trip, controlling male here.

Maybe you just like the simplicity in the definitions of roles? She takes care of the house and children, has dinner ready when you get home from work? Can travel with you at any time? No need to coordinate time off with her job? Focuses on looking good? What are the things you like about it, if you favor the idea?

If you prefer she works, why? Is she more interesting? Her ambition is attractive to you? Less pressure on you to be the breadwinner?

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22 Answers

incendiary_dan's avatar

I’d prefer neither of us did. But since we need money (for now), my partner and I both need to work.

jrpowell's avatar

I would love to be able to do freelance work while the wife had a steady job. The house will be spotless when you get home and the Taco Bell will be warm.

But I don’t want kids so that changes things a bit. And I am 34 so I am kinda set in not wanting kids. I wouldn’t mind adopting a older kid but I am past wanting one from my loins.

poisonedantidote's avatar

I am not married, but if I were, I would preffer that my wife not work. I have no problem if she wants to work for some own money, I have no problem if she wants to pursue a serious and demanding career, but as a matter of some form of primitive pride, I would preffer if I could do all the providing.

I just think, that in a world where sexism is still reflected in wages, a world where men are demonstrably more physically powerful on average, and a world where men are still more accepted in certain roles and generally have more opertunities on average, that the man should do the providing.

Actually, scrap that last paragraph, it’s just cheap post rationalization, I’m just on a bit of a macho power high lol. But no, seriously, I just think it’s nice to provide everything someone you love could need.

SavoirFaire's avatar

My wife is a workaholic, and I prefer her sane. So no, I would not prefer her to be unemployed. And yes, I do think she is more interesting when she has a life outside the house and I do find her ambition attractive. She is smart, she is talented, and she is effective. Exactly the kind of person I’d like in the workforce, and exactly the kind of person to whom I want to be married.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I know it doesn’t apply to me (other than the fact that if I had a wife, she’d do whatever would make her happiest) but I just ran into this article which I found pertinent to your question.

Blackberry's avatar

Wtf? No. It’s the 21st century. Get your ass out of the kitchen lol. If I had to choose, I’d rather my SO be a progressive independent woman than a housewife.

incendiary_dan's avatar

That’s my kitchen, damnit.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@incendiary_dan Thank god, ‘cause you don’t want me in there.

filmfann's avatar

My wife was a stay-home mom. She had a license to be a cosmotologist, but couldn’t find work, since many people were hesitant to hire anyone who is deaf. It was too bad, because she is quite talented at it.
Anywho, it worked out that she was home with the kids. Not that her doing such turned out to be a benefit to society, as far as I can tell.
Having a wife at home is a luxury, for sure. Few can afford it.
I have no idea how we did.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Being one of those early covered subjects of my fiancée and I this one has been covered. If the money is right and it will be before the wedding, she stays home to manage the house and the kids. I don’t plan to be out of the house from dawn to dusk, I am planning my income to come from work for myself. That job [ J ust O ver B roke ] routine is old. If I am out of the house, it is handling my business. But since we will be homeschooling our young it suits that just fine. Class can happen in bits all through the day. If the kids are helping her garden, a lesson about plants and how they change c02 to O2 can erupt. Making cookies, that can be home economics class, etc. I would encourage her to have a passion, hobby or home based business, I would even help her. There will always be eyes on the kid(s) in the early days to keep them out of trouble and teach them how to act and not by way of cussing swearing kids at some school feeding them misinformation they got of “One Tree Hill” the night before.

nebule's avatar

I’d prefer my woman or man (if I had one) to do whatever fulfils them…be that work or stay at home or stay at home and work. If you really love someone surely it’s not about what role they fulfil but who they are intrinsically.

I’d like to know the motivation behind the question really because I’m a little confused

incendiary_dan's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Damn straight. I’m not saying women can’t cook, but y’all get in my way when I’m trying to. Outta my kitchen!~

Bellatrix's avatar

Since this question is specifically directed to men, not sure why it was sent to me however, I know my husband would like me to do whatever makes me happy and I want to work. I really liked and connected with what @SavoirFaire and @Nebule said particularly.

funkdaddy's avatar

I couldn’t help but feel that she was giving up too much. I know that’s not true of everyone, some people are very satisfied staying home, but I see more that fill their lives with things that aren’t really important to them to try and find value and meaning.

Not that that isn’t true of others as well, but I think putting everything into maintaining a home and family drains your sense of self. I wouldn’t want that to happen to her. If she said it’s what she wanted, I’d try to make it happen, but not without a lot of discussion.

JLeslie's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir That article was interesting. And, a little scary.

@nebule Only motivation is curiosity about how men think about these things.

Aethelwine's avatar

A woman or man who stays home does work, they just don’t get paid for it. If kids are involved, it’s more than a 9–5 job.

JLeslie's avatar

@jonsblond I was not trying to imply the women just sit back and do nothing. As I said above it is just a different role in the marriage, I don’t think anyone is looking at it in a negative light.

Brian1946's avatar

I prefer that my wife does what makes her happy and what she thinks is best for her, regardless of how that affects her employment status.

At this time, she’s retired and that’s AOK with me.

Aethelwine's avatar

@JLeslie I know. That wasn’t necessarily directed towards you. Just in general. It’s so hard these days to get any kind of support for being a stay-at-home parent. I just read @Simone_De_Beauvoir ‘s link, and that just proves my point. It’s sad. Just the other day the parent of my daughter’s friend told me about a position that is open at the grade school, you know, just in case I’m looking for something to do during the day because I might be bored. ugh

cookieman's avatar

In our sixteen years of marriage, my wife has stayed home almost four years of it.

Two years (not in a row) were designed to be with my daughter. Went smoothly, all was well. yaay

Two additional years (in a row, following one of the years “with my daughter”) were because she couldn’t find work after having been laid off. It wasn’t pretty. Worst time in our marriage by far. She was not happy (to put it mildly). ugh

So, for her own well being (and my sanity), my wife needs to work. Far too much of her self-worth depends on it.

All that aside, which would I prefer? I prefer she work because I see our marriage as much as a “business arrangement” as much as it is a “romance” and a “friendship”. As such, we both need to contribute 50%.

Now, if she stayed home and cleaned house, and handled the bills, and oversaw household projects, etc., that’d be fine too – but that’s not my wife. She was so unhappy not working a job, she didn’t do those things either. Which meant I still had to do them (and work two jobs).

So ‘no’ – off to work with ya.

stevejones233's avatar

I think is important that both males and females have a job, something that keeps their mind occupied. So, you won’t think that the other is cheating, or you won’t stress the other with too many questions cause you got bored throughout the day. Is vital that you give yourself some space, even in a relationship. For increasing yourself confidence. And many other reasons. That is how you have a healthy relationship.

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