Social Question

kateums's avatar

Do men only date women at the same level of their attractiveness?

Asked by kateums (85points) July 11th, 2011

It seems to me, most guys date women who are at least as attractive as themselves, or often even more attractive than themselves. Do you think more women or men “date down”? General observations and personal experience welcome!

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23 Answers

filmfann's avatar

Absolutely not in my case.
I dated some beautys, and some who simply weren’t.
I remember telling one of my friends “I’m going out with a girl named ____”
He said “Is she pretty?”
“Oh” he said. “That’s cool.”

I was always more interested in the person than the appearance. That said, my wife was impossibly beautiful when we met.

nikipedia's avatar

I think couples approximate each others’ level of attractiveness, but if you have more or less of some form of social capital you can move into a different league.

For instance, most men do not want to date a woman who is taller than they are. Hence, short guys are in a bit of a predicament (lacking social capital). Fortunately (for me), I am 5’2”. So a very attractive guy who is, say, 5’5” will probably be much more wiling to date me than a very attractive guy who is 6’0”.

Also helpful to men: money, fame, authority/power.

Note: I don’t condone these rules. Just observing.

Blackberry's avatar

There’s so many combinations, it’s hard to make a generalization. Some date down, some date up, some want equal footing, some is intentional, some isn’t etc.

unused_bagels's avatar

I have a buddy who’s really smart, really good looking, but naive, is marrying the first girl he ever slept with (read: they dated for a few months via phone, he goes back home to visit her, he loses his virginity, proposes next day) and she looks really busted. Not ugly, just… less than plain. Mega Ultra Plain.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

In my years, I’ve seen men date women more physically attractive than they are. Also, men seem to expect to date women more physically attractive than they are. I’ve no other way to reason why they are so critical and demanding of women’s physiques while they neglect their own. Maybe men’s eyes register the male and female form differently, women appear fatter and men appear thinner.

poisonedantidote's avatar

No. tonight I went out with a couple of girls, one of them was much more attractive than me for sure, but the other one was much larger than me, and had more signs of age, and she was the one who was more fun for sure.

Having said that, I’m a fan of AC/DC’s Whole lotta rosie lol.

CaptainHarley's avatar

You do greatly err, assuming that most people are focused entirely on the physical appearance of the people they date. Try making friends of those you plan to date. One of them is bound to become your best friend. Marry her or him regardless of looks. I promise you’ll live a very, very happy life. : )

bob_'s avatar

Guys will go out with anybody.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Um… was that directed at me, by any chance, @bob_ ??

bob_'s avatar

@CaptainHarley I actually had not read your comment, so, sorry but no.

josie's avatar

Always “date up”. It brings out the best in you.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Based solely on my own experience and observation, it seems that, on average, men view their mate’s attractiveness as a status symbol. Of course there are always exceptions, but it seems to me that men are much more likely to date at their level of attractiveness or greater. They aspire to ‘date up’.

Women, on the other hand, seem much more likely to be forgiving about appearance. Again, there are exceptions, but as a trend, it appears to me that women are much more likely to ‘date down’ (or basing mate choice on personality, qualities, etc. rather than looks).

CaptainHarley's avatar

Any man who refuses to date a woman because she doesnt “measure up” to some false ideal created by Madison Avenue or Hollywood is, in my opinion, a fool.

keobooks's avatar

I was watching some reality show on Hulu a few months back called “Dating in the Dark”. The premise was that 3 men and 3 women would meet each other and pair off in complete darkness so they could get to know each other without looks getting in the way.

The guys were constantly finding ways to figure out what the women looked like. Also, overall, the women seemed to find almost all of the guys to be acceptable looking once they saw who they picked. The guys were amazingly picky. It really sucked when some not-so-hot guy was kvetching over some very attractive girl being just not quite up to his standards.

I also think that guys get into that “women date jerks instead of nice guys like me” thing because they go after women who are WAY out of their leagues looks-wise. And when they see girls in their range, they ignore them.

I remember telling an old room mate of mine who was whining about some gorgeous woman ignoring him for a jerk. I was like “She’s ignoring you for a HOT jerk. You’re nowhere near hot enough to get that girl, no matter how nice you treat her,” And he ignored me, always chasing after girls who would ignore him no matter what and complaining that they ignored him because he was too nice.

It never occurred to him that he was ingoring “nice girls” who weren’t as hot as he wanted and going after hot looking jerks—just like all of the women he chased. He was just as bad as them if not worse.

ETpro's avatar

See this That should answer your question.

ucme's avatar

As my grandaddy used to say, “you don’t look at the fireplace when you’re poking the fire sonny!” Yes he was a romantic old goat, spoke the truth though….kinda.

rts486's avatar

I’ve date from one end of the spectrum to the other. Personalities were great and not so great throughout, and the sex was great and not so great from one end to the other.

ETpro's avatar

@rts486 For the record, one of the most lackluster sexual encounters I ever had was with a Playboy Centerfold. She was gorgeous, but she was a dud in bed. I’ve had far hotter sex with people who were nowhere near as good looking as her. That’s not to say I’d reject a partner because they were good looking—just that there’s a lot more that goes into the chemistry than looks alone.

bob_'s avatar

@ETpro Well, I once had sex with Monica Bellucci, and it was awesome. I mean, sure, I was dreaming, but still.

ETpro's avatar

@bob_ If I’d had a wet dream about her, it would have nen awesome too.

ETpro's avatar

@bob_ Oh hey, believe me man. I haven’t touched her—not even in my dreams.

rts486's avatar

@ETpro Yes, I know what you mean. Once I hooked up with a very attractive girl, but she did absolutely nothing in bed. On another occasion I took home a girl I would describe as “plain”, but she ended up being a wildcat!

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