Women, what do you think when you see a guy who could lose forty pounds?

This should be interesting.
I’m sure most of the lovely women on Fluther wouldn’t judge a book by its cover would they?

@Paul That’s a leading question. No fair. Do not try to influence, please.

It might have meant something in my teens, but I was 29 when I met my husband and I loved his little Buddha belly. As we were married we both put on a few and it got to where our health was being effected. We changed our lifestyle and are now in better shape than when we married 21 years ago.
If I were to find myself single now, my concern would be to find someone to grow old with and might have a few reservations about the health of a 60 something guy sporting that much extra weight.

You try to make him give you that money, of course.

I, myself, am attracted to athletes and people in general who look like athletes, so that’d be a no-go for me.

To answer the other questions…
Is it hard to get past that, or do you ignore it until you know more about him? It’s hard to get past it, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be friends with a fat guy.
Do you think your perception would change depending on whether you are a beautiful person or not? Um… Well, I feel I’m currently out of shape, but I still want a partner who’s in shape.
Do you think it says something about his attitudes towards health or his self control? Most definitely.
Does it make you less likely to want to talk to this guy? Yes, but only because he may feel I’m interested in him sexually if I go up to him and start talking in the setting you’ve presented. Otherwise, I’d still talk to him.

I already told you @wundayatta I like Buddha bellies. I’d speak to anyone interesting enough to carry on a conversation with. If he were inteligent and funny, all the better for our conversation.

I don’t have a specific “type” of guy that I’m attracted to.

In real life, I workout daily and would prefer someone that would want to go hiking or do some physical activities with me. If he (the one with the belly) had an aversion to health, then it would likely be short lived.

Like @Judi, my husband and I have gotten more fit & healthy together over the years, not less.

You should really ask my girlfriend this (well, i asked her it myself too, and it was all my good points outweighing the extra kilos) since she fell for me some three years ago when i was sporting a pregnant of twins belly.
Recently i saw some pictures of me from around that time and I seriously wondered why the hell she even wanted to be with a guy that ‘big’ (I was 115 kilo (253 pounds), as compared to nowadays’ 90 kilo(198 pounds)).

I like guys medium build or a little overwieght, so it probably would not be a big negative for me. I would still freely talk and flirt with him. I might think at one point he has some bad eating habits, but we all have stuff. Depends how tall is, for how big the 40 pounds looks also.

I’m such a hypocrite, because I don’t see how a woman would want a fat guy, but I also drool over some fat women haha. I’m just following the question lol.

I was madly attracted to this guy and I wouldn’t cared how much he weighed. Period!

I tend to like chunky guys, but I’m not into potbellies. So the actual weight might not be a big issue for me, but the look of a person who carries it the way you describe might be. It’s possible that my feelings would change if this was the most awesomely amazing person, but they might not. I’m attracted to what I’m attracted to, and I don’t feel any need to defend or change what gets my motor running.

I tend to find “husky” guys attractive. Like, @quiddidyquestions I am not overly attracted to potbellies.

Now, if I was dating someone who gained a belly and I loved him, I wouldn’t care.

I think it’s hot. I’d be more inclined to talk to him.

I prefer my men to be on the bigger side. I do not like skinny guys.

I am a sturdy little thing myself, petite but solid and I do not like bones grinding on bones when in intimate embrace. lol

Especially now that I am 50 I absolutely prefer mature men with some heft to them.

I thin mature men are the most attractive, as long as the emotional maturity syncs up with their chronological age. haha

40 lbs. is not THAT much…60, 70 or more is pushin’ it.

Forty pounds. That’s a specific weight…do you have a particular guy in mind? I admit, it seems like kind of a lot of extra weight to be carrying around.

I am definitely attracted to guys who are in great shape, but guys who aren’t—that’s not necessarily a dealbreaker. Although I’d probably be less likely to go out of my way to approach them.

Like you mentioned later in your question, his attitude toward fitness is really important. I try to get in an hour of exercise every day, and it’s hard enough to motivate myself on my own, so the last thing I want is a partner who will be a de-motivator. Ideally we could do fitness things together and on our own. (My current partner will let me drag him out on after work runs, and has volunteered to lift weights and come swimming with me. I like him.)

Most people struggle with regulating their weight as they get a little older. If I try to keep my weight at my ‘ideal’ of when I was 18, I’d be an anorexic, OCD, exercise freak living on about 1000 calories a day.

Fuck that!

Actually being moderatly overweight is healthier for people as they age.

A plump older person is less likely to break a bone if they fall, and if they become ill and lose 20–30-40 lbs. they will not become emaciated.

An ultra thin person has a higher risk of Osteoporosis and a higher mortality for becoming grossly emaciated if battling cancer or other illnesses.

I’m not talking morbidly obese, but we, as a society, are far too obsessed with body image.

I accept that my days of weighing 110 lbs. are long gone and I am fine with having some extra weight on my bones these days as I am with my male counterparts. :-)

@Coloma “Plump” is fine, but being 40 lbs over weight is outrageous, not mention dangerous. “Buddha bellies” are only visceral fat and inflamed organs. I don’t see how being that unhealthy is cute or OK.

@Facade

I agree about the health risks of overweight, but, it is all in how the weight is distributed. I still believe that some extra weight is healthier than living on the edge of anorexia. The heart is a muscle and it is just as dangerous for it to be starved as it is for it to be wrapped in fat.

As always, about 90% of ones heath and body fat distribution is genetic in nature.

Some people just naturally are prone to having more of a belly than others.

You just have to work with your own very unique body type for health reasons.

I would not find 40 pounds of overage on a man particularly offputting if he had qualities to which I’m attracted: wittiness, charm, sensibility, intelligence, kindness, etc. However, as the question is phrased, I would likely find the big pot belly a sign of illness, which would be a turn-off.

Going down the road a little bit, if I came to develop a relationship with this person, it’s likely I’d no longer see the pot belly. And a bit farther down the road, if the relationship went south, I’d find that pot belly highly offensive.

To recap: The belly doesn’t make the Jelly; but the Jelly’s belly is smelly when we’re belly-up.

I realized I didn’t answer the last questions.

Do you think your perception would change depending on whether you are a beautiful person or not? Maybe. I think most people go for someone who is their general level of attractiveness/fitness.

Do you think it says something about his attitudes towards health or his self control? Does it make you less likely to want to talk to this guy? Maybe. I know there are overweight people who are very active (my own mom being one of them) but most people who are overweight are that way because they are sedentary and eat too much crappy food. It’s not really a lifestyle I have interest in, and wouldn’t be attractive to me. If an overweight person seemed interesting, I would be willing to be proven wrong.

Thank you are for your responses, so far. It’s a very interesting range of answers. I guess I’m surprised at the number of women who either would like it, or would be willing to tolerate it if the guy was physically active and ate in a healthy manner. It makes me wonder how people’s preferences for body types are formed; especially those that go against the prevailing cultural standards.

It wouldn’t bother me. I dated a guy who could stand to lose about 50lbs, and I was attracted to him because he was kind and funny, and those beautiful blue eyes didn’t hurt either.

When I met Mr. Fiance, he was overweight, and has fluctuated between being slightly overweight and bordering on “fat” over our 10 years together. I’ve loved him regardless. When we met, I was much thinner – probably ideal weight for my height and build, maybe a few pounds heavier. My weight has also fluctuated over time, due to meds, depression and my mother’s genes.

@wundayatta I can say, in part, that for me it is a difference between looking and touching.

I like to look at hard bodies. Lean, muscular specimens of the human form. I don’t really like the way they feel, though, not so much. I think that over the years this has translated to my being visually attracted to a rounder form.

@wundayatta if I was Freud I would mention I grew up with an overweight father.

@JLeslie I am being 100% honest when I say that I almost wrote the exact same response.

@ANef_is_Enuf I believe you. :)

why doesn’t he lose those 40 pounds?

My dad was super thin. I don’t want to attract a guy like my dad. Just sayin’

I’m in my forties so most people my age and older have a little bit of a pooch. So the poochie tummy in and of itself is not a turn off. I’ve had my fair attraction to some chubbier fellows throughout my life (I’ve always had a little thing for Bob Hoskins and I think Billy Gardell from Mike and Molly is super cute, as is John Goodman). But I would be hesitant to get involved with a fellow who was 40 lbs. overweight for the mere fact that I would be afraid that he would die an early death. That is a concern. No one can predict the future, or how someone’s weight would effect their longevity, but it would be a concern.

But I guess if I felt a pretty good, strong connection to someone that I met who was 40 lbs. overweight, that, in and of itself would not be the deciding factor. And I’m kind of a health nut, plus I’m a vegetarian, so some of those things might play into my personal decision. I would find it more difficult to get involved with someone who was not a vegetarian (although I can easily deal with a mate who is not a veg, but who respects my dietary choice).

If I got involved with someone, who needed to lose weight (or change their diet), I honestly can’t say how I would handle it. If they gave me some idea or hints that they wanted to change their diet and lose weight, then I would do my research and gently prod them on getting themelves to a doctor to get a professional opinion, and then offer to help the guy come up with a plan and help him to go forth with it.

In my own household, my father who has had heart surgery, ate a horrendous diet before the surgery (and was about 40 lbs overweight) and then almost completely lost his appetite for about a year and a half (today) after the surgery (and is now under-weight). The doctors, nutritionists and home health nurses told us and him exactly what and how much he should be eating (lean protein such as chicken and fish, tons of anti-oxident rich, vitamin rich fruits and vegetables, nuts, whole grains, olive oil instead of butter and low sodium, minimally processed foods, multiple small meals throughout the day). He didn’t care and didn’t want to be told anything about that, because he is/was always a picky eater and doesn’t like most foods, and absolutely hates everything that is healthy. So for a very brief period when he was convalescing, he ate only what we gave him (and hardly any of that, and sometimes he would literally eat nothing) After he got well enough, he just decided that he was going to eat whatever he wanted without regarding what the doctors told him. And he’s angrily adamant about that. My mother and I are really good cooks, but my mother got fed up and pretty much stopped cooking (she asked herself why should she cook, if he won’t eat anything that I make). I cook for her and myself, but my Dad pretty much eats whatever he likes, which isn’t much. So he still has a very weak appetite (sometimes he will only eat one meal a day), but the only things he will eat are very low on the nutrition scale (lots of salty condiments, fatty meat, cheese, full fat ice cream, and highly processed foods and no vegetables whatsoever). It kills me because I know that certain foods cause some of the problems that he suffers from, such as constipation, pain, memory problems, fatigue, but he absolutely refuses to eat some of the items that can be helpful.

So the bottom line for me, is that I would find it very difficult to choose a mate that was clearly overweight and didn’t want to attempt to solve that problem (or not recognize or care that is was a problem).

I can’t get past the “pregnant” belly on men because once it’s to that shape then it means it’s been a long time in forming and isn’t likely to come off with any lifestyle change.

If it’s an overweight man with a droopy sloshy belly, complete with love handles then that doesn’t scare me much because that type of man shape melts off pretty well with some exercise and/or lifestyle change.

My fiancee was about 50lbs overweight when we first started going out but I could see his weight was transitional and sure enough, he dropped it quickly.

I’ve never understood why people are so obsessed with weight or physical appearances in general. To me it doesn’t make any sense. These are things that can usually be changed. I don’t expect anyone to stay the same weight over time. If I see a male that is overweight, then he is overweight, who cares? I personally don’t judge people upon their looks. I’d probably not approach an overweight guy at a party, but then again, I wouldn’t approach a slim man as well. I’m pretty shy. I’m currently with a man that is well over 40lbs. and it doesn’t bother me at all. I’ll love and support him no matter what he weighs. Of course I care about his health and if it’s an issue, we’ll deal with it. I don’t love him for him for his size, but the size of his heart. It shouldn’t matter how attractive someone is or not. Intelligence, heart, honesty, a sense of humor…someone that will stay with you through the worst times… that’s what matters.

@Ellis1919: I’m in my 40’s and have long since forgiven myself for not being able to live up to social idealism, of all sorts. What I have observed and overheard- time and time again is weight and body shape are important to people even some of them that feel it shouldn’t be.

There is flabby, there is overweight and there is obese. These things impact people’s sexual attraction aside from love.

Just saying….I’ve lost 50 lbs…..LOL!

40 pounds over weight is a lot to me. I would wonder why he doesn’t lose it. I would think that alcohol has something to do with the excess and I don’t want a daily drinker. But I met my husband on the internet and had we met in person, I am not sure if I would have been attracted to him. He is not at all the “type” of man physically that I normally would give a second look. However, since I fell in love with his soul, his words, his thoughts long before I met his body, it didn’t matter when we did meet. He is not obese but he is no skinny guy and he has a beard, I NEVER liked beards or moustaches. But I cannot picture him without it and I love it too.

So Wundy, it all depends upon the situation.

An interesting and relevant study to update this thread

@SpatzieLover: I’m not at all surprised by that article. I work with hundreds of men and they would back that.