Social Question

Jay484's avatar

Would you get mad at you Girlfriend/Boyfriend if you were taking a break from each other and you had sex with someone else?

Asked by Jay484 (1553points) July 24th, 2011

Me and my girlfriend are taking a break from each other, i’m worried that i’m going to go to a party and have sex with another girl. Would you get mad at your girlfriend/boyfriend if they went of and had sex with some one else?

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30 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I think that by sleeping with someone else you are more or less saying that the relationship is over for you, assuming that you were monogamous while you were together. If you had planned to sleep with other people while on this “break,” then you should probably have discussed that with your girlfriend when you decided to spend some time apart.

chyna's avatar

Just curious, does the other girl know you are planning on having sex with her?

Jay484's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf we did not even plan this time apart, she said she wanted to take a break from each other

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@Jay484 well if it was discussed that you were taking a break, you should have discussed this sort of thing. I’m not saying you guys set up a schedule or anything. I’m just assuming that you talked about it.

Jay484's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf nope she basically told me she wanted to take a break and then hung up on me

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Flush that guppy down the toilet quick, before it stinks up the place. She called a “break”, you want to step out and boink some other lass, I think you guys are done. Lights out, game is over, everyone drive home safely, over, over and done.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@Jay484 well then this is the rundown: She will probably get mad. But, even if you were broken up she would still get mad. Strong feelings have that kind of effect on people. How many times have we looked at the new love interest of one of our exes and grumbled to ourselves?
What she did was pretty immature, assuming you hadn’t done something awful prior to her saying that she wanted a break and hanging up. If you still wish to put energy into the relationship and hope to save it, then I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else. The relationship is clearly fragile as it is. If you want to be realistic, it’s probably over… so I wouldn’t be too worried about how mad she is going to be over it. But I wouldn’t be very hopeful that she’s going to come running back to you if you do it.

rebbel's avatar

You are worried that you will go to a party and have sex with a girl?
Don’t go to the party then, or do go but don’t have sex with that girl.
If you are really worried that is.
You are not out of control of your own mind/behaviour, you are a human, a species that is able to make decisions.

Jay484's avatar

@rebbel well its not just party’s i’m worried about, I have a lot of girl friends that I hang out with (allot more then I have guy friends) and i’m worried that something will happen when I hang out with them

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@Jay484 rebbel’s last line still applies in those situations.

marinelife's avatar

It is not a good idea.

Kardamom's avatar

Ever since the airing of the Friends episode in which Rachel and Ross were on a break it means that the relationship is over. Even if it’s over temporarily and the couple ends up getting back together, although I can’t for the life of me figure out why you would want to get back together with someone that you broke up with. If they weren’t the right person in the first place, it’s unlikely that they will suddenly be the right person later on, unless one or both parties have made big changes (and that fact has been made clear and obvious).

I have no idea what you and your girfriend talked about when you decided to take a break but you should have discussed whether or not you would be dating or possibly sleeping around with other people when you broke up, and whether or not you two had planned to get back together after a certain amount of time.

I think the idea of telling your mate that you are on a break is kind of the coward’s way out, when what you really want to do is sleep around. It’s kind of an ambiguous term taking a break but since that show Friends aired, most people assume it means that you are no longer together and free to do as you please.

But if your girfriend has the idea that you guys will be getting back together after this period of being on a break then she probably will and should feel pretty hurt and betrayed if you sleep with or date someone else. The only way I can see being on a break and then getting back together as a workable situation, is when both parties in the couple have definite plans about what will be happening when they are on a break. I can see if one of them has to go away to college or one of them is in the military, then technically they are on a break, but most of those couples, if they’re serious about each other, will either break up for real and the let the other person live their life, or they will decide to remain a couple, only separated by distance (and not with the idea of dating other people).

Your best bet is to decide what you want to do, then discuss it with the person from whom you are taking the break. Up front communication (not after the fact) is always your best bet.

Kardamom's avatar

@rebbel Best answer ever! If this fellow is worried that he can’t control himself, then he has much bigger problems than worrying about whether his ex-girlfriend will be mad at him.

Kind of reminds me of that question by another Jelly, where the guy wanted to know how to get his friends to like him again after he slept with and/or took adavantage of a drunk girl while he was also drunk and then couldn’t figure out how he was culpable (plus he was cheating on his girlfriend).

Remain in control people.

Pandora's avatar

I wouldn’t be mad if I called the break, but I certainly wouldn’t go back to that person either. If I had remained faithful and had asked for some time apart while I thought more about where the relationship was going. If you are that concern that you can easily slip into someones bed like you slip on a bananna than its no wonder why she is thinking things over. She probably senses you can easily be disloyal and needs time to process it and make sure if her suspicions are right or wrong. You certainly would be proving her right.

atomicmonkey's avatar

She’s most likely shagging some jock right now anyway. My advice* is to have sex with at least two girls ASAP.

*Never take my advice.

Jay484's avatar

@Pandora i not thinking of slipping in to someones bed, hell i don’t even think I could get a girl to sleep with me

King_Pariah's avatar

If there’s a decent chance that you could get back together from this break with all the love you had before and you feel as if you have genuine feelings for her, DO NOT DO IT. If you see the relationship as more of a stepping stone, why the hell not? It’s going to end sooner or later with that outlook.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Uh…yes. A break is not a break-up. Break-up if you want to sleep with other people. It’s only fair to do that, I think.

(Am I the only person in the world who really didn’t think Rachel and Ross belonged together anyway? I cringed every time they kissed. She had more chemistry with Joey. Just throwing that in…absolutely irrelevant…sorry had to get that off my chest)

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t know what a “break” is. I don’t know the difference between a “break” and a “break-up.” To me, both are equally serious. A break is a really, really bad thing. I doubt that many relationships survive a break. I don’t know why people suggest breaks. Maybe it’s just a way to break up without having to actually say that’s what is going on.

I’ve had fights with girlfriends and I’ve been through times when I didn’t know what was going to happen, but no one ever called it a break. It was never clear what was going on. If they had been kind enough to call it a break, it would have been something of a relief, although I probably would have been tortured about whether the break would be over or whether it would become permanent. I would hate not having any power over what happens to the relationship.

In a case like that, it would all depend on what I wanted. If I was totally in love with the girl, then no one else would interest me and I’d be in agony until she decided to tell me what was going on with her. It is the most horrible thing, because all I want to do is to talk to her—in the most desperate way—and she doesn’t want to hear from me.

If I had the presence of mind to go to a party and hit on some other girl and take her home, then I’d do it. It simply isn’t right to be treated that way. Having a thing with someone else would help me get through the torture of the break (up). But I would never have that kind of presence of mind because when I fall in love, I can’t let go without a lot of time and pain.

The fact that you can even ask this question suggests to me that your girl friend really doesn’t matter that much to you. Maybe that’s why she decided to take a break. You aren’t that into her.

If that’s the case, I’d say go ahead. If you find someone who wants your body, let her have it. More power to you. You don’t have much you need to fight for, so why not?

josie's avatar

There is no such thing as taking a break. It just a figure of speech to enable the evasion of the truth. Better to face it. The sooner you’re each boinking somebody else the better.

Cruiser's avatar

With comments and quips you present here I am none too surprised she wanted a break from you.

Jay484's avatar

I am not looking for sex, im just worried that if dose happen, she might get mad at me. i’m going to take all the response and think about them, thanks for the input

Kardamom's avatar

If you’re not looking for sex, and you are in control of yourself, then sex won’t happen. Sex doens’t just happen by accident. You aren’t one of those guys that think that if you get drunk, then whatever happens is OK are you?

I still urge you to think about what you really want in your life. If you want to have a relationship with your ex, and be on a break, then consciously decide to do that, but don’t sleep with or date anyone else (maybe avoid parties). But if you really don’t care, then at least don’t lie to yourself about that fact. Men that are not looking for sex, don’t have sex. Same with women.

Pandora's avatar

@Jay484 I think you are missing the point of what some of us are trying to say. No one has sex by accident. Its a pretty deliberate act. Except in the case of rape both usually are consenting. If its a matter that you may get so drunk that you usually loose control than don’t drink or get high or do anything that would lead you to lose control. If you choose to loose control than you are making the choice to purposely let your guard down. Which will mean you could care less if you end up in bed with someone else. Which is the same as looking for it just the same.
If I knew that getting drunk leads me to loose control over right and wrong and I commit a crime after drinking, I am pretty sure the law won’t take it easy on me because I was drunk. They may if I was an alcoholic because its considered an illness now, but they probably won’t if I was an occasional drinker who liked to lose control.

athenasgriffin's avatar

What were the terms of the break? Was it understood you are allowed to see other people during the break? If not, then you would be wrong to sleep with another girl.

Who initiated the break? If you initiated the break, then she will be angry (and rightfully so) for you sleeping with this other girl. If she initiated the break, she’ll be angry, but with a little less venom.

And finally, if you care about your girlfriend you shouldn’t sleep with this other girl, because no matter what it will hurt your girlfriend. And if you don’t care about your girlfriend, you should make this break a break up.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Speaking of “break”....@wundayatta talked about how a “break” was serious and that most people don’t survive them. That’s true.

One very, very famous break? Kate Middleton and William Wales….took a “break” which the press thought was a “break-up”, went their separate ways and then got back together. The rest is history.

So, in this case…it worked. She left him alone to figure out whether he wanted to go the distance. She did not stay home and weep, she went out and made sure she was at all the clubs and in the papers. He wondered what he might be missing. Voila! It apparently worked.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

William is going to be king one day, maybe, the OP and the rest of us mooks are just going to be us. Slight game changer there.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central….Well, think about it…simply because he was the most eligible bachelor in the world and could have his pick of just about anyone…means that if he came back to her, then it was something important.

When a “mook” as you put it, breaks up….he usually comes back because no one else wants him. William isn’t a mook and he came back…..to Kate…despite the fact that other women were throwing themselves at him left and right.

Maybe he is a secret mook? Ssssh don’t tell anyone

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