I have leukemia for the second time in my life. What should I do?

I’m 19 years old and this is my second time dealing with leukemia. My doctors have given me a pretty grim outlook as well. Right now, I’m being faced with a huge decision. I went through the treatment before when I was a lot younger and in another country, and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was absolute hell and I barely made it. I’ve already been through enough suffering in my life and I’m to the point where I just want to give up. I fear that having leukemia a second time will just lead to a very miserable death.

Against my family and friend’s will, I want to refuse treatment and have as much fun as I can before I succumb to my illness. However, everyone else wants me to go through treatment. They say I just need to “have a little hope” or “believe in myself.” I feel none of that. I don’t want to become a prisoner to a debilitating disease and stay in a hospital until I’m on my last threads.

Also, those of you who have had cancer or a similar illness, what has given you hope in times of suffering and despair? What helped you deal with your sickness? How did your family and friends respond? What kind of things can I expect if I do go through treatment? What words of wisdom or inspiration can you give to someone going through this illness?

Sorry for the Berlin Wall of text here, but I am very confused and scared right now. I have a lot of questions. Thank you all, in advance.