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cliofaye's avatar

How do you get rid of the negative people in your life if they need you?

Asked by cliofaye (405points) August 5th, 2011

So recently I decided I would cut all of the negative out of my life which included a few people that I’ve been close to for years. This was a pretty huge thing for me but it needed to be done but it didn’t work out well. When I told my ex and bestfriend (same person) that I was done with my past he didn’t take it well. A week or so later he attempted suicide, it was BAD. So I told him I wouldn’t leave him feeling like he has no one left again but all he really does is mess with my mind and my emotions, how am I supposed to begin to fix this?

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12 Answers

tom_g's avatar

Oh wow. You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness. The suicide attempt sounds like it was an aggressive attack on you. You don’t need negativity, and you don’t need people who are trying to hurt you like this.

Spend some time alone, work everything out, and let people back into your life slowly if you feel they are not a negative force in your life.
Good luck. Damn, that suicide shit pisses me off.

slopolk's avatar

To those people that are still trying to cling to you, explain to them what your new view on life is. Let them know that If they are going to act or be a certain way when they are around you then you will have to cut ties with them. This gives the person some understanding of what you want for yourself. If that doesn’t work, keep yourself busy with the activities which make you truely happy. You should never feel guilty for wanting peace and happiness in your life. You can’t lower your standards just to make someone else happy, or needs you, If they need you so bad then they will raise their standards to yours.

josie's avatar

If he needs you in order to curtail his own suicide, he has more problems than you will ever be able to solve any way. And then, not to be unkind, he will do it anyway.

And you in the meantime will have been poisoned by his negativety.

The worst thing you can do when you pick your friends is to surround yourself with negative attitudes. It will screw you up and limit your own potential.

You are absolutely justified, in fact you are morally obligated, to avoid such people.

TexasDude's avatar

Talk about codependency.

You are not responsible for this guy. He needs professional help. You are much too young to be dealing with that kind of histrionic bullshit.

cliofaye's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard he is getting help but it’s only making things worse

TexasDude's avatar

@cliofaye it’s only making things worse? He needs a new doctor then.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Then @cliofaye you need to walk away from him for your own safety. If he’s refusing to find actual help. He could call a suicide hotline to get more alternatives in his area. Possibly you could research some online for him if you feel you must be involved.

This is the definition of codependency. I think you would benefit from speaking to a therapist yourself.

lemming's avatar

If it were me, I’d dump him on social services and run: / I think.

Hibernate's avatar

His attempt of suicide it’s not your fault. A lot of things pilled up on him but you can’t always say “I’m here if you need me” to everyone around you.

I don’t cut off my relations to those around me even if they are a bad influence. I just spend less time with them. If they ask me what’s up I tell them I need time for other things too, I cannot spend all my spare time with them. Some take it as an insult but some understand it. I wouldn’t let anyone to have that control over me.

kritiper's avatar

“If they need you?” ??? What about you and your needs?
Always look out for #1, YOU, first.

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