Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Do men get more of the blame for problems between the sexes?

Asked by wundayatta (58663points) August 9th, 2011

My impression is that women complain that they are hurt and misled more by men than men complain about women. Or, if they are equal in complaining, that men get more of the blame for whatever misunderstandings occur between the sexes.

Sometimes, men are called oppressors of women. If so, are the women hurt more, as the claim would suggest, or are men hurt as much as women are, but in more hidden ways. In other words, does this “oppression” truly help men, or are there hidden costs that end up ruining the value of oppression for men?

For example, women complain of being treated as being valuable for the sexual functioning of their bodies instead of for their mental capabilities. Men, arguably, can be treated as “success objects,” yet men rarely complain of this, even though it creates great stress in their lives, and may reduce the length of their lives.

Anyway, is more of the blame for the problems of women placed on men than the blame for the problems of men are placed on women? If men get more of the blame, why do they get this blame and do they deserve it?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

16 Answers

linguaphile's avatar

I could be wrong… but from what I’ve seen… when a young teenage girl gets pregnant, I don’t see much guy blamin’ goin’ on.

When she has to go get government assistance, I don’t see much guy blamin’ goin’ on.

When a couple divorce based on affairs… in average company, when a guy has an affair it’s tsk tsk (she must not have given him enough)… when a woman has an affair it’s OMG, what a skank.

I’m sure others have different experiences though… we usually define things by our own experiences.

Cruiser's avatar

Are you serious man?? Draw your own conclusions! “They” are reading this and taking names!!

FutureMemory's avatar

Did Hypocrisy_Central hack into Wunda’s account?

JLeslie's avatar

I would say for people <50 it is pretty close to even if we leave cheating out of it, and just discuss the couple as a couple. I do think men are more likely to be cheaters, especially if the souse is a chronic cheater. Women get blamed for wanting men to read their minds, for gaining weight, for being bitchy, for being moody, for being too demanding, for not being complimentary towards their husbands, for not wanting to have sex, all sorts of things. Men for not sharing their feelings, for not helping around the house, for not helping with the kids, etc. Both sexes can be blamed for having tempers, spending unwisely, being abusive, etc.

woodcutter's avatar

I think women are more vocal about things that piss them off, and they talk amongst themselves more, so it seems that the loudest voices get the most attention and consideration. It’s less “manly” for men to bitch about their spouses and tend to keep that stuff on the down low. Complaining and bitching men are unatractive to listen to.

ddude1116's avatar

I don’t think that either party gets more or less blame, but more than women are under a larger amount of scrutiny than men. But it is just as likely that men do, in fact, talk less about such issues and would also depend on more specific factors like place and social status.

chewhorse's avatar

I think it’s the men who gets the blunt of the blame.. After all, who ever heard of a woman being in the “dog house”..?

iphigeneia's avatar

@chewhorse And then the woman gets blamed for putting him there!

CWOTUS's avatar

Wait! What?! There are problems and misunderstandings between the sexes? When did this happen? Why was I not informed?

Damn, no one tells me nothing around here. So I’m going to guess that I take the fall for that, as usual.

zenvelo's avatar

I could get in trouble for this, see, men expect blame to be put on us for being jerks.

I think men blame women just as much as women blame men. But men are dismissive, so once they’ve expressed themselves they let it go. Women are more into emotional processing, so they discuss it more.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t know, you seem to complain more than all of us put together ~

As usual, there are concentric circles to consider. The smallest one is the personal circle. The only way to make a conclusive statement such as ‘women in my life complain about men more than men in my life complain about women’ is if you find yourself surrounded with such a crowd but it isn’t how all women and men are. The circle above is the cultural cirlce. This circle includes notions about how the genders are supposed to behave. Taking our society only, women are both encouraged and berated for being more emotional, talkative and likely to complain. So what is a woman to do if what she’s been taught is to talk it out, to pester and to nag and was likely to see the women in her life do this? Men have been taught to ‘talk it out with fists’ or ‘not act like a sissy’ (which is presumably what complaining is about), etc so that’s why they are likely to ‘deal with it in silence’ even if they do want to complain. The third circle to consider is systemic, where we deal with policy, national laws and stuff like lawful sexism – this is a patriarchal society in many ways (don’t force me to list all the ways or to bombard you with website) and men are highly privileged so any woman with half a brain will eventually come to be extremely angry about the state of things (and many men as well) and if that’s what you call complaining, there isn’t enough complaining happening, in my opinion.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I can only answer from my own observations and experiences which are that men complain more about women and blame the women- to other men when they think no women are around to listen in. Their #1 complaint? The woman’s looks. You should see them though when they’ve got a woman their peers are all gaga over though- she’s a queen then.

chewhorse's avatar

@iphigeneia… Yeah, but.. Didn’t he deserve it..? No foul then.. =)


Usually we men do. And the “problems” are sometimes started by women themselves. Like @woodcutter said, in general they tend to be more whiny and complaining than men, so they often start the problems, and we men end up shouldering the blame.

@zenvelo, I agree with you 100 percent.

chewhorse's avatar

But to answer you’re question: Yes we do, and we wear it proudly (anything to keep the ladies happy).

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther