Social Question

rebbel's avatar

In the following situation, do you believe and/or trust your SO?

Asked by rebbel (32410points) August 16th, 2011

Say, you and your SO are out in the city center, enjoying a day off, do some shopping and eat and drink something.
Then, a stranger (to you) approaches the both of you and starts talking to your SO, calling her by a different name .
Your SO is denying and ignoring the stranger, but you think you can tell that SO is uncomfortable.
Later, when you are together alone again, you ask your SO what that was all about.
Your SO first answers that it is nothing, but after some persisting tells you that there is ‘something’ but that it is not important and that ‘it’ will not influence your relationship.
“Trust me”, your SO tells you.

So, how would you fare from that point on?
Trust your SO (and trusting that there will be no influencing because/through ‘it’)?
Let it rest?

This was a scene from the police series Wallander that I saw last weekend.
It is not a personal question in that it comes from my relationship.

I, for one, would let it rest (maybe after more confirmation that all is okay) but I would also urge my SO to tell me in due time. at least, that is how I would like to react to it.

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26 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

No, I don’t let it rest. I will let it go for the moment maybe, but then all my antennas are up and I am going to fucking find out what is going on.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

No, that’s not okay. I mean body language would tell me a lot (maybe he’s just planning a surprise party that’s complicated and needs different names, who knows?). Still, it’d bother me. I wouldn’t let it rest.

wundayatta's avatar

I’d find out why she was prevaricating. If she refused to talk about it, I’d assume she had a relationship with this guy that she wanted to hide. Then, depending on whether I wanted to keep the relationship going or not, I would either ignore it, or make a big deal of it. I don’t think I’d leave the marriage. But I suspect things would get mighty frosty at home. We’d sleep in separate beds.

Eventually, she’d have to tell the truth, and then we’d go from there.

YARNLADY's avatar

I believe in a relationship that is open to all communication. I would simply say “Let me decide that, tell me everything.”

Judi's avatar

Witness protection?

SpatzieLover's avatar

Considering how long I’ve known my SO, and know everywhere he’s been in the past, I’d believe him.

flutherother's avatar

“Called by a different name”, What is that all about? No I could not let that rest and I would have to know what was going on.

Blackberry's avatar

I would assume she was a secret agent whose cover was almost blown by a rogue agent so I wouldn’t be worried.

tinyfaery's avatar

If she just shrugged it off without any other explanation I would know something is up. I just know her too well. And, no, I would not just drop it.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Oh c’mon, I love mystery and intrigue so I’d have to hear the rest of the story. If it’s really not a threat to our relationship then my SO can go ahead and fill me in. That’s too much of a tease to just let it rest.

downtide's avatar

If this was my SO, I’d believe him. There’s actually something from his past that I know about that would make it plausible.

marinelife's avatar

It would depend on how long the person had been my SO. in my case I have been married nearly 30 years and so I think I know my SO well enough to let it ride.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Ummmm, no way would I let that rest!

Cruiser's avatar

Beginning of the end in my view.

chyna's avatar

CIA operative?

FutureMemory's avatar

Definitely a little too weird to just let it go. A lot too weird, in fact.

King_Pariah's avatar

I thought relationships involved not hiding secrets… however, I wouldn’t push aggressively, I would still push mind you to find the truth, but it could be something that hurts her, a lot.

Hibernate's avatar

I’d go with the trust.

Mariah's avatar

I’m an awful hypocrite because I believe that people should be allowed to have secrets and I want my SO to allow me to have secrets (I’m not saying that I’m okay with my SO having a secret child pornography business, but, for example, sometimes I like to write a short story or visit a website without having to share that story or website (fluther in my case, haha) with anyone from my “real life”) yet this situation would really, really bother me. I don’t know what I would do because I don’t think it’s healthy for a marriage to allow something bothersome like this fester, but to insist that he tell me what’s going on would go against my principle of allowing for secrets. I’m kind of stumped.

jca's avatar

I would ask the stranger in front of my companion why they are calling him by this name.

Kardamom's avatar

I would absolutely not let it rest. The SO is keeping something pretty important from you, and for a reason that we cannot even know or understand. It leads me to believe that the SO may not be exactly who he/she says they are, or that they lead a very different mysterious life, before we met and there may be something even more sinister going on that I can’t even think of. I can’t think of one good reason why a stranger, to me would be calling my SO by a different name, and then my SO doesn’t feel it’s necessary for me to know. That would be very troubling to me.

Haleth's avatar

Actually, I’d let it rest. I’m not an open book and I don’t expect my SO to be, either. In the question, the SO has already had one chance to talk about it, was uncomfortable, and said no. I’m not going to ask someone repeatedly to tell me something and make them even more uncomfortable. If the secret starts getting to me, I’ll break up with them rather than harass them about it. But either way, I’ll respect their right to privacy.

Also, often times if you trust someone enough to let a secret alone, they’ll tell you themselves, when they’re ready.

chyna's avatar

Kind of related – I met some jellies IRL and since my real name is nothing like my online name, they kept calling me Chyna since that is what they were used to. Their names IRL and on here were similar, so there was no issue calling them their real names. So if I had been with someone when this was happening, I wouldn’t want to explain to someone about my Fluther life. I want to keep it to myself.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I trust my SO. She would explain anything that I asked about and she would speak only the truth.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I wouldn’t be able to let something like that rest, it would seriously weigh on myh mind. Would I trust him? In all honesty, probably not. If he can’t talk to me about it then I would find it very suspicious indeed.

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