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Sloane2024's avatar

If one is agreeing to have both an American wedding & an Indian wedding to satisfy the wishes of one's future in-laws, is the bride expected to pay for both weddings, or just the American one?

Asked by Sloane2024 (1879points) May 4th, 2008 from iPhone

I have agreed to have both an American ceremony & an Indian ceremony when the time comes for my boyfriend & I to get married. As I’m sure many of you know from my previous questions, I am American & he is Indian. With the average wedding costing $28,000, there’s no WAY I can afford to pay for both, so since I’m only doing the Indian ceremony to appease his side of the family, is it still my responsibility for my family to foot the bill for both? Or can his family pay for the other one?

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6 Answers

srmorgan's avatar

I would follow the traditions in each country.
In the US, generally the wedding is paid by the bride’s family. Kind of substitutes for the old practice of the bride coming into the marriage with a dowry.

What is the tradition in India? You are having the wedding to satisfy HIS family, let them pay for it or at least a substantial part of it


sleuth9216's avatar

I’m not all knowing but I’d guess no its not fair

xyzzy's avatar

Here’s some advice. Screw both weddings and use the $28000 for a down payment on a house. Why start your marriage chest high in debt?

Go for a single simple ceremony that incorporates both American and Indian aspects. If the inlaws can’t handle that, f*** em. It’s your wedding and your marriage, not theirs. Keep the costs down and instead devote that money to things that will truly strengthen your marriage by reducing financial stress ( house, decreased debt, savings, retirement investments, etc.)

So I guess my answer really is, if the inlaws want a separate ceremony, they must pay for it 100%. Anything less and they’re disrespecting you and the marriage by placing an undue burden on you.

susanc's avatar

This is much,much more important than saving money. Money can be made; money
is fluid. Making family is not fluid. It’s solid.
Why not talk it over with your mother-in-law? How bout some reverse psychology?
Tell her you believe you should borrow a lot of $$$ for a correct Indian wedding but your
friends are telling you that SHE would not want you to incur this debt. Then see what she says.

scamp's avatar

I think that since you are blending two cultures by marrying and Indian man, the wedding ceremony can reflect a little of both. With some careful planning and consideration, you should be able to have one wedding that compliments both cultures. If you have two weddings, one won’t feel “real” to either of you. Talk to his family and tell them you just can’t afford two separate weddings, and ask them what parts of the American ceremony would be offensive to them. Then ask what parts of the Indian ceremony is most important to them, and work with both families on creating a blend of the two. It will probably make planning more difficult for you, but you can find a way to make is cost effective and have a beautiful wedding that everyone involved can look back on fondly. Congratulations on you engagement. I guess this means the dinner went well!

jlm11f's avatar

the average American wedding might cost 28K…the average Indian wedding costs a lot more. According to Indian culture, the bride or her parents pay. i agree with scamp completely. these days when indian and americans marry, the wedding is typically a mix of the two customs. for example, if walking down the aisle is big for you, you can do that, but then you both can also do the walking around the fire thing as part of the hindu custom. as for the payment, just marry when you and bf are both financially secure and pay for the wedding yourselves. keeping the in-laws happy (at least early on) is a big deal. and I assure you, that if his parents are not happy, even if he sticks by you, he will never truly be happy because of the hold majority of indian parents have on their kids.

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