General Question

MoonlitCobble's avatar

My friend say she wants to be with me and she loves me but shes dating another guy. what do I do?

Asked by MoonlitCobble (6points) May 4th, 2008 from iPhone

she says she thinks he’s amazing but loves me and only me
she would break up with him but he said he’d cut out my heart and mail it to her and she doesnt want me to get hurt

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29 Answers

skfinkel's avatar

He sounds like trouble. For her and for you.
She is going to have to work this out with him—see that he is aggressive and get out—and that will be separate from her feelings for you.
Then, she can see what’s what.

Allie's avatar

Scary. So is this other guy crazy?

MoonlitCobble's avatar

he’s very obsessed
when he says he loves her she tells me she’s lying when she says she loves him too
and that she loves me and only me
I’m so confused I dont know what to do

Allie's avatar

Well, it sounds like a bad relationship for her. If she doesn’t want to be with him anymore then she needs to make that clear to him. And he needs to hear it in a way that won’t set him off. Basically, no yelling or crying – they need to talk rationally.
As for you, I think you need to just wait until she figures things out with him.

babygalll's avatar

How old are you all? Nobody will cut your heart out and mail it to her. You can’t tell your heart who to fall in love with. If she loves you then she has to let him go, because he sounds like trouble. She better hurry and make a decision or she is going to get into more trouble!

xxporkxsodaxx's avatar

Lets see, um I doubt that he would do it, keeping in mind I don’t know the guy or how he acts/how big he is. Now are you an adult or some teenager? Same with the other guy

scamp's avatar

Tell her you want to be with her, but this situation is too dramatic for you. She needs to either get rid of this guy or stop manipulating you with dramatic stories. I don’t know any of you, but could it be she wants to string you along while she makes up her mind? Have a talk with her and tell her that you care about her and are concerned for her safety, but you can’t be a part of this scenario any longer.

I just saw your age. Ten to one says she is being a little drama queen. Tell her you are going to tell her parents about her dangerous boyfriend and his threat to you. I bet the story changes really quick.

babygalll's avatar

13?? Well this is all puppy love. He is just trying to act like a tough guy. Show the girl that you don’t care and then maybe she will come back to you. As for the other guy ignore him unless he starts to threaten you.

xxporkxsodaxx's avatar

Well I am positive that he won’t cut your heart out and mail it to anyone. Now to be honest I love fights and they build confidence, maybe not in the best way but they do none the less. If you are really worried about him then go tell your principal or counselor about it. At your age girls with come and go so I wouldn’t stick on this one situation for a while, but if you must then stick up for yourself and don’t be bullied by some punk.

mcbealer's avatar

It’s always easy to underestimate statements others make when it comes to he said she said. In your case, I wouldn’t. If for no other reason, tell a trusted adult for your friend’s safety. Her parents need to get involved too, and if she’s been honest with you, they should get a Peace Order from the courts on her behalf against this guy. What that would mean is that it would be against the law for him to contact her in any way.

As for your ties to her, keep in mind if she’s being honest she’ll need counseling and time before starting a new relationship. If she’s not being honest, RUN, don’t walk away from this quagmire.

kevbo's avatar

This probably counts as your first introduction to a game called “Rescue Me!” Girls like to play this game because either they really have a problem and need help, or because they need to create something exciting and dramatic (with them in the center) so that they can make up for whatever it is that’s missing (feeling loved, maybe). What’s true in either case is that the girl is not making good choices for herself. Now and throughout your dating life, you should regard this as a red flag. It’s very natural to think that the real problem is that there’s a bad guy out there who’s threatening her, but chances are good that the real problem is the girl is not making good choices. As long as that problem isn’t fixed, the girl will continue to bring you this kind of trouble no matter how much you help.

At your age, much of this is just games. Girls learn that they can get attention from boys by crying for help and by playing with boys’ natural inclinations to fix problems and be the hero.

Ask yourself this question (and assuming her parents are normal and supportive of her). If she really wanted to get out of her relationship with him but couldn’t because she felt trapped, then wouldn’t she go to her parents for help?

Here’s a true story, and this isn’t to scare you, it’s just to demonstrate one way this can play out when something like this happens to adults. A woman had her abusive boyfriend sent to jail. He vowed to kill her when he got out of jail. Before his release, she put a personal ad in the paper with the hopes of meeting a very manly man who would protect her. She found a very manly man, and they started dating. When the boyfriend was released from prison, he found them, followed them home, shot them both and then burned their house down with them in it.

So what do you do in these kinds of situations? It’s hard not to want to help because you’re a caring person and you have someone coming to you who needs help. It seems like she has feelings for you and it’s probably not hard for you to start having feelings for her, because you already started having a feeling of wanting to help.

When you first encounter something like this it’s very hard to say no, and many guys don’t know enough to recognize the situation as a trap of sorts. Only later or with some experience falling into a few traps do they begin to understand that the real problem is something else. So, my advice is to steer clear of this mess if you can and try next time to pick a girl who doesn’t need to be rescued. If you just can’t resist, then go ahead and play the role of the hero, save her from the bad guy and then pay attention to the outcome to see if any of the above is true.

DeezerQueue's avatar

I was about to write something along the same lines as Kevbo (fl), so I’ll save my keystrokes and add just one more thing.

Right now you are an adult in training. Don’t forget that. Unfortunately your brains aren’t quite developed enough to handle these situations in a rationale manner. If you look to some adults for guidance or model behavior you’ll see that it may appear that their brains aren’t quite well developed, either.

What do you really think you should do, given the insights that Kevbo (fl) has offered to you? In fair play, she would break it off with the other guy, give him some time to heal considering that you all know one another and you potentially becoming involved afterwards with her, and then perhaps begin a relationship with her.

After all, she is also an adult in training.

wildflower's avatar

Tell her to get back to you when she’s made up her mind. She’s clearly confused.

Babo's avatar

Run away!!!

ninjaxmarc's avatar

be the knight in shining armor.
You are young to know what real true love is.
She does need to get away from this jerk.
Learn from this guys mistakes and not be like him. Hopefully she makes and you make the right decisionl

mghb's avatar

Oh please, she is just keeping you around because you do things for her, and listen to her.
If she really wanted to be with you she would make that happen or at least take steps to. There are many many ways to have a guy not want you anymore she could be doing some of them.

You need of move on to someone that will treat you the want you want to be treated and respected as you should be respected.

Response moderated
jamzzy's avatar

dont get involved. trust me
third wheel = BAD

judyprays's avatar

get knew friends with better definitions of love.

waterskier2007's avatar

and ones that know the difference between knew and new

aidje's avatar

Sounds like she needs to break up with this guy regardless of what would happen afterward (which would hopefully involve a good waiting period before she were to enter another relationship).

allengreen's avatar

Freak alert!

JackAdams's avatar

Assassination is always an option

invic's avatar

This is pure honor right here. As a man, supposing that you and her have done nothing for her to lie about to her boyfriend, you tell her to go back to her man. Indeed it might hurt, even kill you, but you must respect that tie she has with her oter. If she wants you then she will have to break up with the other but other than that, take no part in the affair.

Dr. Zhivago anyone?

jackfright's avatar

no. your female friend sounds just as screwed up as her boyfriend.
you should remove yourself from the equation.

COBx666's avatar

love isnt for 13 year olds.

john65pennington's avatar

She cannot have her cake and eat it, too. this is an old saying that means three people in a love triangle is a receipe for disaster. she needs to make her choice and stick with it.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

If he’s really that bad, why is she still with him? Anyway, I think that you should just stay out of this.

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