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Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Is it better asking for forgiveness after the fact, than asking permission in the 1st place?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (26837points) August 21st, 2011

I am the type of guy that will ask permission or make sure it is alright before I go do something, use or take something belonging to someone else. Many I know ask me why I bother, just go do it and if someone makes a stink I can always beg forgiveness. If I suspect I would be told “no” if I asked then would that make any apology disingenuous? Isn’t to go ahead and do something because you don’t want to risk not being allowed is somewhat on the selfish side? I want so bad to do it that I would rationalize doing it at potentially any or great cost? If someone, your family or friends etc. did something like take something of yours without asking but simply said “I am sorry” when it got discovered or they fould you were not cool with it, how would you feel?

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6 Answers

marinelife's avatar

This is not a good idea in the day-to-day of family relations.

As a philosophy, it is better left for work.

shrubbery's avatar

Asking is a courtesy, it’s polite, and I get angry when someone doesn’t. It angers me even more when they think that I’m annoyed at them for actually doing it. I tell them that all they had to do was ask and I would have said yes, but they just should have asked first. I guess some people just don’t grasp this concept- like if I was going to say yes anyway then what’s the problem? The problem is it’s rude and then I don’t know or there might have been other circumstances like “yes you can borrow that but I need it back by such and such” or “yes you can have a cookie but not too many please I’m saving them for something” rather than just thinking they are entitled to eat all the cookies because I “would have said yes”. If I’m going to say no there is a reason for it, so of course it would be hard to forgive them after the fact. I’d rather just be honest and tell them why I don’t give them permission this time, then hopefully they would understand rather than everyone getting hurt and angry afterwards.

edit :: However, there are other circumstances which might be better just to go for it and ask permission later. Maybe the person you need to ask just doesn’t understand and you’ll know that they would say no and rather than raising suspicion and making it harder for yourself to do what you want, just do it without them knowing and then they’ll see that it really was best for you. Like I dunno… a teenager wants to play a sport and their parents think they should be studying all the time but really playing sport would make them happier and more energetic and help their brain to learn better anyway so it’s a win win, but maybe you don’t tell them until after you’ve joined and can show them the results.

This is an exception though- not the rule, to me, and it really really depends on the circumstance.

john65pennington's avatar

Always ask for permission, first.

This way, you can enjoy yourself much more, than waiting for the consequences.

Good example is a date with a woman that is single. You are married. Wife says “no’. This ends this conversation. Wife says “yes”. You will wonder why she said yes, instead of no.

athenasgriffin's avatar

For me it depends on how much I want it.

If I want whatever I want really badly, there is no way I’m asking. Because it is worse if I ask, they say no, and I do it anyway than it is if I don’t ask, they have no chance to say no, and I do it.

When I really want something, I suddenly develop a backbone and lose my conscience.

Nullo's avatar

Better to ask permission, easier to ask forgiveness.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Personally, I detest passive-aggressiveness and lying by omission. I am always upfront and forthcoming with my intentions.

My FIL lives by the motto: It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Meaning he does what he pleases when he pleases, as he pleases We do not get along well.

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