(Potentially NSFW) Ladies: What are your criteria for deciding if a guy's advances are creepy or not?

I just have to share this story. I hit on a woman at a club, and we started talking, although her friend was with her, so she was just off to the side. Then, a guy comes up to her and starts talking to her, and he just looked creepy, so it also didn’t help when one of the first things he said to her was “By the way, I’m not a creeper or anything..” Lol!

nsfw

If some spit dribbles down a guy’s chin, accompanied by neanderthal laughter right before he snogs ya mouth off, then that’s not going to look pretty. I’m no lady, but I knows these things.

I suppose I also have over zealous creep radar (one more reason I like ya @Mariah).

I was about 16 and skiiing alone. When that happens, they try to get single riders to ride together, and so I ended up on the lift with a guy who started out “I haven’t had any sex in sooo long, and I really need it!” I wanted to jump off the lift. But hey, this should have set off anyone’s creep radar!

When they won’t QUIT. When they won’t take a hint. When they think you’re just playing hard to get.

There is one here on Fluther.

@Jude Who is she?

Dude here, but I think I have some valuable input about this.

I think that after initial gut responses to an individual, the line between their perceived intent and what you are comfortable with is the biggest determining factor in figuring out whether someone is a creeper or not.

For instance, if you are comfortable with casual sex, and a guy approaches you obviously or ostensibly intent on engaging in casual sex, he is going to be less potentially creepy. However, if you are not comfortable with casual sex, and a guy approaches you with that intent (coupled with aforementioned pushiness and/or not knowing when to quit) he will come off as a creeper.

Furthermore, if you are looking for rather vanilla casual sex, and a guy is coming on to you wanting to screw you and then lock you in a cage and make you into a human centipede, then your creeper alarm will probably (hopefully) go off. The effect will be more intense the further your comfort zone is from what the potential creeper is looking for.

So I guess what I’m postulating is that there is a kind of creeper continuum based on what you are comfortable with, vs. what is being proposed or implicitly proposed to you.

There is a guy I met him only twice and I told him from beginning we would be only friend and nothing would go further. As I simply know if there is any chemistry with a guy that could lead more or not. Some guys you just know you won’t and I usually quite honest and not to waste their time. He kept trying to convince me to have sex with him, even I told him many time I wasn’t interested, he still kept going for months. At the end I told him I wasn’t interested in friendship anymore.

I have been seriously creeped out by both women and men in the past. I think the number one thing is that they make you feel uncomfortable. It’s really not what they do but the way they do it (for me at least that is the case), I mean what they do is part of it… but it more about who they are and how they act not a particular thing they do.

Creeps seem to be out of touch with the concept of courtesy, and seem to be less empathetic and understanding. Creeps seem not to be able to tell when they are being creepy. Body language is something that is a massive clue if someone wants to be kissed or is not interested or…. whatever. Creeps seem to be body language illiterate or apathetic.

I think most many people can tell when someone is interested or uninterested generally speaking; creeps either cannot or else ignore all the signs…. which is creepy.

P.S @Jude now you have to PM all of us who this creep is. :p

I think that even blokes sense if there’s bloke that’s a bit creepy towards women.

@Jude I’m sorry about those aggressive PMs…..I was just trying to be friendly :(

I’m in “men-o-pause” at this time, but my memoirs are, well, memorable.
I think the prize would go to the guy that wanted me to have sex with his Great Dane. 0–0

@Coloma Presumably while he watched? What a freak.

I go with my gut. The one time I did not, it cost me dearly. Err on the side of caution, that’s my motto.

@everephebe

Yes, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, he clarified I was hearing right. Gaaah!
I hope the poor dog bit his snausage off. haha

Well let me turn the tables around. If a girl comes up to me smiling and has a friendly approach, its not creepy. Can we all agree that if anyone goes to a “club” you are practically walking into a zone, where creepers just so happen tend to linger?

For me, it’s not so much about figuring out if they are objectively creepy. There are tons of guys whom I feel creeped out by, whom I wouldn’t necessarily publicly proclaim as creepy, because maybe it’s just totally me. On the other hand, if I feel creeped out around you and not safe, I have no interest in spending more time with you, even if it’s more my thing there than something they’re doing.

But, I have noticed that even though I normally think of myself as over-zealous in seeing creepers, I think I might be right some of the time. The guys that I dated where at first I felt creeped out, but couldn’t figure out why, and so kept seeing? Not good guys. The guys where I didn’t feel creeped out? Were actually good guys, and we parted for ways other than that they were a giant douchenozzle.

I do think a lot of it is picking up on my signals. If we’re flirting, maybe there’s a bit of sexual inuendo going on, but then maybe it starts making me uncomfortable, and I stop? The guys who pick up on that and stop themselves, and then change the conversation to something more “So how ‘bout them Cowboys”, those are the ones that usually don’t creep me out. The ones that don’t pick up on that, and just keep going and going and going, totally oblivious that I’m not part of it anymore, those are creepy.

Another creepy thing: Older men. If he’s old enough to be my dad, then that’s a huge signal. I know there are a lot of “love knows no age” believers on Fluther, but when an older man is hitting on me and we’ve just met (not like we’ve known each other for awhile, and things get taken to the next level), that isn’t love, that’s lust, and no.

Really, the non-creepy guys are just less imposing. They’re secure just being them, they aren’t needing everyone else to affirm them.

Girls need confidence in men.

@Blackberry it wasn’t you.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think general attractiveness plays a factor, too. George Clooney could get away with some creepy stuff that the average Joe could not.

Sometimes it can be hard to nail down why someone creeps me out but sometimes it isn’t. The creepiest guy I’ve ever met is unfortunately married to a friend of mine (one I don’t see very often). He stares lasciviously at any women’s breasts and leers.

Any sort of forcefulness comes of as creepy to me. It really isn’t attractiveness that matters. It is hygiene, grooming, and presentation. Something a well-dressed guy says might not be creepy, but would be if he was unkempt and had smelly breath it would be.

Just using my gut, that’s all.

It’s usually a gut feeling, sometimes I think people are aggressive but harmless.
Other times, its just a gut feeling that this dude is a creeper,
as others have stated wont let it go, or ones that just observe at a very close distance , realize you notice them and just emotionlessly continue to look at a person withouth even a flinch.

examples of creepy v. not.

an older man at work told me he dreamed he would wake up and Id be there. creep
an man at work told me I should meet him in the bathroom. creep
an man at work invited me to his childs birthday party, at his and his girlfriends home. I do not know his girlfriend and he openly hits on me. creep
A guy at work asked if he could pet my hair…creep
An older man said you look nice today. harmless
a man said you have a really pretty smile. harmless. ...

@Blackberry I agree with you… it is more about their look and how they present themselves most of the time… I wouldn’t call George Clooney creepy no way!!!