What can I do about a stressful work environment that is impacting my mental health condition?

You are carrying this “stress” from your work with you 24/7 like ankle weights and a backpack full of rocks and is weighing you down. I have been there and know that vigorous exercise allows you to burn off the stress and working out gives you an hour or so where it is just you and your workout and that is a great way to break that tether of stress that has kept you tie in knots.

Two things I can think of:

1) Can you go back down to the previous position that sounds like it was less stressful

2) Use your disability to get your job protected and get the company motivated to help seek help for you. You start this by putting your company on notice. You tell your manager, or HR, or whoever you need to tell that’s in a higher position. If they “damage your reputation” or spread the gossip, they can probably get in trouble as it should be considered confidential information.

@Cruiser I agree exercise works wonders, I now work out every other day before work and it really makes a WORLD of difference, but (and I don’t know much about bipolar disorder), that may not be enough for someone who has a mental condition. . . b/c now it’s more than just physical. Am I right?

@mrrich724 Backing down from this position is not an option and at this point it seems like my boss is already in the process of working me out the door. Being in management I also know that my superiors do alot of “back room” off the record things so it would be very difficult for me to prove that I was being treated differently because of my bipolar.

As far as the bipolar it is a bit different than regular depression. There are “triggers” that can send me into a sever depressive state that is literally paralyzing. I cannot concentrate, become severely paranoid, feeling worthless and powerless, I cannot sleep, sometimes cannot manage to make myself get out of bed or leave the house. The opposite of that is that my moods swing drastically from being deeply depressed to being in a manic state which can feel good almost like being on top of the world but also can be scary kind of like the world and myself are moving in hyperspeed. When that happens I can take on alot of work but if I go back to the other extreme due to a sudden stress trigger the whole world comes crashing down. I was previously hospitalized for self injurous behavior and for ODing and while I have wanted to self-injure just to feel some comfort in all of the craziness I have not solely because of how important being here and healthy for my son is to me.

@cruiser A great suggestion and I am open to all suggestions provided! In the past exercise as a coping method has led me down a path of some very obsessive and dangerous behavior. That is something that I wouldn’t use in this state but perhaps once I have successfully begun medication to regulate my moods.

This is a wild guess…it sounds like you live in the U.S. where we are encouraged to take on new posistions based upon our talents (what we are good at doing) versus what strengthens us (what we enjoy doing). There is a big difference between the two. If some sort of disability is tossed into the factor, it is even more important that you find the right fit.

From what has been posted so far, it appears that you have both talents and strengths to offer to the company. It sounds as if it is a matter of finding an advocate…someone who will go to bat for you…to help you find the right fit when it comes to a position. Quit looking at the other managers as someone needed to fulfill a need and talk to them about where you best fit in. A good manager will help you find the right nitche. Titles and pay should not matter. Your health and well-being are what count. Trust me…I’ve taken a step down more than once and have seen others do the same and blossom. Finding a well-balanced life is the most important thing that we all can do.

Why not have a frank discussion with your boss based strictly on your performance in your current position. Restrict the conversation to that. Your medical / psychological condition doesn’t have to enter into that discussion, nor any aspect of your home or family life. Just talk about your job. You may mutually agree that you’re in the wrong position, and you may then enlist him as an ally to find the right position for you within the company. If that discussion proves fruitless, then I’d suggest having a similar conversation with HR, at which point – since they should at least be able to hold some things in confidence – you could simply try to find a better fit for your talents within the company, even if your boss is unwilling to aid in that. At this point, you may also have to be up front about the bipolar situation, but that’s still your call.

Even if HR can’t help you find a position in the same company, it would still be advantageous to the company to help place you with another company, since that would cost them less (nothing, really) towards unemployment, if your boss’ intent is to see that you “never darken our doors again”, and you simply lose your job. A smart HR person will be able to recognize that and assist you with an outplacement and a good recommendation. (Hopefully all you need to encounter is a boss with a brain who will help you move elsewhere in the company and avoid seeking a new job with a new outfit.)

Who knows? The conversation with your boss may give you some insights that you’re currently lacking into his expectations, and you may still be able to shine right where you are. He should at least recognize your sincere intent to address the problems head-on and make an attempt to deal with them.

Good luck with that.

@CWOTUS I actually meet with my boss on a weekly basis to discuss my performance in my current role. Since taking on the team I have improved customer experience ratings from 60% to 83% however my sales have not gone above 100%. During our last meeting he made it very clear that he believes I should be able to exceed in the position and that he feels my main opportunity is that I am not putting my employees on corrective action fast enough. He told me flat out that he will be putting me on corrective action if my sales do not increase dramatically. In my role his expectation is that I will meet 175%-200% of my sales goal. I have done everything that he has instructed me to do since taking on the role but quite frankly he basically wants me to create the level of stress that hes created for me with my associates to make them into sales machines.

I also recently (2 weeks ago) had a lengthy conversation with a senior HR manager about everything that has been going on at my job, about how I feel, and about the fact that my role is not the right role for me in my current state with the work and home stresses that are impacting me. (Please do not misunderstand, I’m positive that I could be very successful in my role if not for my current state of mind.) Not much has changed since speaking to HR. The only advice she gave me was to stop working 55–60 hour weeks (which is necessary to complete my workload) and to wait for her team to implement a plan for action.

@abysmalbeauty To me it sounds like you are the only one standing in the way of you succeeding in meeting your goals….it seems you are aware of this too. I also think you are afraid of failing at something your boss seems to believe you should have no trouble doing or they would not have tasked you with this responsibility. Stop holding back and give it your all and win or lose at least you will have a clear conscious you didn’t hold anything back! Just do it and good luck!

@Cruiser I suppose if that is the case then I’m doing all I can by seeking medical help so I can get the heck out of my own way… I hope it works sooner than later, thanks for the luck

@abysmalbeauty I sincerely doubt you will find courage in a pill or a therapy session. Your success is the fire in your belly and only you can put on your big girl pants and do what you need to do….again I wish you find the inner strength you will need to find the answer you seek.

If I may add…you may be making a fundamental mistake by taking this all on by yourself. The new job, your sons issues…all of that is a monster burden. You have lots of support around you and enlist these people to help you in this difficult time. Support from others will lighten the load you are carrying. Can you find family members that will assist you with your sons needs??? And talk to your boss and tell him you know you can do this but you would like to know you have his support in this transition period. A big mistake is to try and take all this on yourself.

@Cruiser Even though I know that I am my biggest obstacle I will not pretend that I don’t need medical help. I have 10 years experience with bipolar so I can recognize when its time to call in the big dogs, it really does have to do with a lot more than just courage at this point.

I don’t have much family help sadly but I do have my baby’s father and together we are working through the process of getting my son hep through early intervention which is the best step we can take for him right now.

As far as talking to my boss i’m not quite sure how to enlist his help without sharing the whole picture with him because he really isn’t going to get it any other way based on the conversations we have had. I’m still quite lost there.

If you are concerned about losing your job, then you should protect it by notifying the company of your illness. There are a lot of sites that can help you understand what you need to do to protect yourself (from being discriminated against and/or let go) and how to present your situation to your best advanage. It doesn’t sound like your boss is the kind of person that will help you through a situation like this. HR may/may not be any different. Many companies have free Employee Assistance programs that will get you a free session with a lawyer. If so, take advantage of this benefit and talk to an employment lawyer about your situation. Most companies are smart enough to realize what a lawsuit like this could cost them and will go to extremes to avoid it. I worked with a lady who took two six month Leave of Absences because of stress and then she quit and went to another company. When she applied back to our company, they hired her because they didn’t want to seem like they were discriminating against her.

Just be sure to protect your income source so that you don’t add to your stress. Maybe you can even get a disability leave of absence and then you can focus on your problems at home and look for a job that you like better.

It sounds like you know a lot about bipolar disorder. You probably know that stress is a trigger for bipolar episodes. Adding more stress or staying within the stressful situation won’t help. However, you are committed to performing well and you don’t want to give up the job. You seem to believe that if you weren’t depressed you would be doing fine.

Of course, you’re going to beat yourself up about that, and that’ll make you ever more depressed. You’ll worry about what that will do, and you’re going to start sinking.

If you don’t mind me asking, who diagnosed you? Was it a psychiatrist? Were you put on meds? How well did you do on meds? Why did you go off them? Why are you seeing a therapist? They can’t prescribe meds. You need to see a Psychiatrist for that.

My psychiatrist usually says something to the effect of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” He doesn’t want me to go off my meds, but I’m not keen to stay on them forever if I can manage without.

It sounds like this is a depression where you feel like you are in trouble. If you are, then you probably know you can’t fight it doing what you are doing now. Getting a prescription has the best chance of helping you, but it isn’t going to help rapidly. Neither will exercise, nor therapy, nor mindfulness, nor exercise. There are no quick fixes for this. You will have to be working at it for a while. You will need help from your spouse. Does he understand your disorder? Is he sympathetic? Is he willing to chip in?

My suggestion is that you see a shrink as soon as possible. I think you should also get a therapist who can teach you mindfulness techniques. Or buy a book and learn it. It really helps. Lot of research to show that. Much better than cognitive behavioral therapy, especially for high performing folks.

I think you should get your husband to help out around the house more. Take on more responsibilities.

None of this will happen quickly. I don’t know, however, if you have time to work on this and keep your job. If it is looking like you don’t have enough time, you may have to let HR know what’s going on so you can take advantage of disabilities act. They can’t fire you for being sick. And if they do, it really helps in getting disability, afterwards. DO you have disability insurance? There is also Medicare or Medicaid, I think, if you are disabled.

You are not in an easy position. I wouldn’t (and haven’t told mine boss) tell you boss, either. It’s a crap shoot. He might get it or he might not. Far too many people in this world believe you can just tough your way through it. Far too many people have no clue what bipolar is and most don’t believe it’s real. But it is real, and sometimes that means you have to educate people about what it really is. I’d estimate you have a 50% chance of getting your boss to be an ally.

You’re in a tough place. Stick with the tried and true. Get medical help. If you do go on meds, don’t go off them again. You’ve learned that you won’t stay off permanently. Also, look for a DBSA support group in your area. My group is pretty good. Lot of smart people with good insight and who are pretty supportive an helpful. They have played a huge role in my recovery. Not all groups are that good, but it doesn’t hurt to try a few. If you don’t have any in your area, there are also online groups.

@wundayatta thank you for understanding what i’m going through and for such a thorough response!

I was diagnosed in the psych ward after I intentionally ODed and I was put on Lithium. The reason I stopped was because I stopped going to the doctor which I did for several reasons but mostly because she insisted on having my mother in the sessions or the other way around but anywho the sessions became my mom venting about dealing with me instead of being for me to get help and I just got fed up. Later on I realized that she wasn’t the right person to go to clearly but its very hard for me to talk to people because I basically don’t trust anyone so instead I just became a really big pothead and ignored all of my responsibilities besides work, messed up my credit, several relationships the whole nine. I stopped smoking when I got pregnant for my son, paid off all my debts and basically straightened out my life as much as I could for him- he is the one person who gives me purpose. I debated for 2 months before making an appointment to get help (which is next week) but I know that I need to be healthy for him so i’m getting over my reservations to do what I need to do to be the best mom he can have.

My SO doesn’t understand but hes willing to do anything I ask him to. He is one of those people that believes its all in my head- to give perspective he also thinks this about my son’s autism even though he was there when he was diagnosed.

I have done some reading on ADA and from what I understand I will need to identify specific accommodations that will help me to succeed in my job that relate to my bipolar and that is partially why i’m worried. Aside from time to get better i’m not sure that I can get an accommodation that would tell my boss not to tell me that i’m a disappointment on a weekly basis or to reduce the stress levels because of the nature of the job. Intermittent time off wouldn’t do any good because I wouldn’t be able to complete my tasks with a reduced work schedule. Perhaps they would be able to accommodate me to a position that would be better suited to my needs though as someone suggested.

I recognize that I need to learn effective coping methods and that is partially why I’m in this position so I will definitely look into mindfulness techniques as well. I don’t know if I have disability insurance to be honest, not even sure how to find out.

I’m on Lithium, too. Also Lamictal. I just came off Welbutrin. I’m going to wait six months to a year and then see if I can come off one of the others. Lithium is considered the gold standard treatment for bipolar. I’m bipolar II, so I don’t do the spending stuff.

I think it is very impressive that your son has given you the motivation to work so hard. Almost everyone (bipolar) I know pretty much straightens up and doesn’t kill themselves because of their children. I suppose people might think that if you can do it for your children, then that proves you don’t need help. You just need to straighten up.

I’m not sure how to explain it, but it doesn’t work that way. You don’t want to be holding it together with bandaids and glue. It’s too dangerous and you end up in the hospital far too often. You want long term stability, and that almost never happens on your own.

You can retrain your mind without drugs, but why? It is so much easier with meds and therapy and other supports. Ok. That was my rant for other readers, not you @abysmalbeauty.

You are in a tough situation. ADA does have them make accommodations, butyou are right. It’s hard to see what they can do. What you need is time. Time to get this under control.

The reason why I mentioned it was because I was thinking of laying the groundwork to get disability benefits. If you have a paper trail, it is a lot easier then if you get fired due to your disorder, but no one knew you had it. I know you don’t want to think that way, but if it comes to it, you may want to consider informing them as a kind of last ditch measure. Other people have advised me not to wait and to tell the bosses as early as possible. But I never have—partly because I am sure I can hold it together and partly because the stigma of mental illness is just as strong as it ever was as far as I can tell.

I’m a smart guy. I believed in mental health services and in helping people and all that, but my attitude about mental health incorporated every stereotype there was. I thought they were dangerous. I thought they were lazy. I thought they could pull it together if they wanted to. I thought they complained to much. Etc. etc.

Then I got sick around 4 years ago. Now I realize I had no idea what I was talking about. But if a smart person has no clue, how can I expect the general population to understand? I don’t. I don’t trust them a bit.

So we’re in a dangerous world. Damned if we do; damned if we don’t. I wish I could offer a more positive prognosis, but I think it’s hard. It’s doable, but it’s very difficult. I was in my group the other night, and talking about how well I’m doing, and like I felt like I didn’t belong any more. One person was telling me how far I had come—reminding me of what I was like when I first showed up, this close to ending it. It was the first time I was around a group of people who got it.

I guess I belong. You never know when you might hit something hard and fall back into the abyss. I shouldn’t get cocky, so I try to be as realistic as I can be without dragging myself down.I hope it continues to work.

@wundayatta

Well good luck to you also, i’m glad to hear that you are doing well and thank you again for the great advice. I’m sure you know how relieving it is just to be validated by another person… thinking that its all in your head and that you are lazy or broken just doesn’t help at all!

I talked to a co-worker today in my dept who just found out hes developed an ulcer due to the stress that we have been put under by my boss and he also recommended that I may want to discuss taking a leave if I am feeling this way because he also sees that my boss is only going to get worse as the months go on. He has more experience in this role then I do as hes been doing it for a year with my boss but over 10 with the company so I think I will heed his advice and at least talk with the Dr about it so I can stabilize FIRST then rectify my work situation…