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WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Do you get depressed when a jelly that you admire decides to leave?

Asked by WillWorkForChocolate (23098points) September 16th, 2011

I do. :*(

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

129 Answers

JilltheTooth's avatar

When a Jelly I like leaves, I like to think that it’s because real life suddenly has so much to offer that there’s just no time left for the virtual life. That is a good thing. Pollyanna aside, yes, it makes me sad, I will miss the person a lot, and I’m thinking I’ll have to do some serious sorrow-drowning. M&Ms at the ready!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JilltheTooth Yeah, I can totally understand someone needing to leave because they have other things that are more important, but it still sucks, doesn’t it? /sigh You bring the M&Ms and I’ll bring the lindor truffles. Kleenex?

JilltheTooth's avatar

<sniffling>

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Sure. There were more wis.dm people around when I first joined who didn’t stay on. There are a few people I talk to pretty often via facebook and email who don’t come to fluther anymore. I miss what they contributed to the threads, a lot.

Just yesterday I went through and deleted people from my fluther follow list that hadn’t logged in this year, half of them were former wis.dm folk. As far as fluther people, there are a really nice bunch I used to hang out with in Campfire when I first joined, I hardly see their usernames pop up anymore and if they changed accts., I don’t know about it. Sad stuff.

koanhead's avatar

I hope y’all don’t admire me then.

janbb's avatar

Yes, there are some who have left whom I really missed.

EB_631's avatar

I don’t know, I’m new. Just stumbled across this site by accident a couple days ago(: sounds like you people meet friends on here though eh?

EB_631's avatar

Haha that’s awesome. Hi, I’m EB_631 ;D

janbb's avatar

@marinelife You’ve been crafting for a long time. Writing a novel?

gailcalled's avatar

Usually it’s best to leave the party when it’s at its peek. Perhaps the recently dear departed one was really to try other things and found this to be the moment.

(I love being able to use it’s and its in the same sentence.)

On a more sober note, I hope that there were no emergencies or catastrophes.

marinelife's avatar

I’m sad that I won’t hear their thoughts anymore, but I understand that things happen. I am always glad to see an old user come back though!

@janbb The phone rang while I was right in the middle of my answer.

janbb's avatar

@marinelife But it wasn’t me!

Brian1946's avatar

Perhaps another question about hash browns could function as a departed-jelly magnet. ;-)

tedibear's avatar

Depressed? No. Bummed, yes. And in one case, worried. I don’t like losing smart, interesting, funny people even in my cyber-life.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Bummed. It’s sorta like a good neighbor moving or a fun co-worker going elsewhere. We might hear from this person again, but will miss their candor and feel the absense.

gailcalled's avatar

Perhaps he’s off patenting his grass-covered Mini-Cooper that coordinates with @tranquilsea’s dopey over-dressed poodle?

I do love this Image.

Blueroses's avatar

When the circumstances are peculiar, I worry. Then again, I don’t like dramatic goodbyes so I guess if a friend is going to vanish, suddenly is as good a way as any.

—welcome to fluther @eb_631—

Mariah's avatar

Can someone PM me who has left? I must have missed something…

Oh, also, to answer the question: yes I do! :(

jerv's avatar

I get a little bummed, but the truth it’s that there are few jellies here that I am more than mere acquaintances with, so it doesn’t get to me too much.

@koanhead I think Izzy is the only one who actually admires you.

harple's avatar

I think when it’s seemingly out of the blue, it’s a shock, and when it’s someone that has been so fundamentally a part of “this strange little pond we call home” it can leave us grieving. The two brief returns leads me to believe that all is well and so I now choose to celebrate for his choice rather than wallow in my own sadness at his parting.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Yes, I’m curious to know who left, too… I hadn’t noticed any unusually hostile threads. Are there other reasons people leave for good?

blueiiznh's avatar

GQ!!! Write when I am not driving. :(

picante's avatar

I feel so out of touch—are we talking about the person (whose name we can’t mention) who recently celebrated a 30K milestone and then hit the highway???? Or someone else?

tranquilsea's avatar

Aw, he was one of my favourite jellies. I hope he is ok and that his family is ok.

I’ll miss his sense of humour and wit.

:-(

bob_'s avatar

No.

Though if certain people were to quit, I’d strongly consider doing the same.

tinyfaery's avatar

Ok. Who left?.

I still miss people who left years ago. I try to roll with the punches. For every cool person who leaves, I’d like to think a new one arrives.

CWOTUS's avatar

Ah, @gailcalled you’re just showing off your brain again. I had a brain once, too, in days of yore.

gailcalled's avatar

@CWOTUS: Nah. I am reporting only. It was what’s his name who designed that car wearing a hula skirt.

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Response moderated
augustlan's avatar

No naming names, please.

Yes, it does make me sad from time to time, especially if I don’t know why they left. Or even when I do, and the reason itself is a sad one.

wundayatta's avatar

Here’s another person who wishes to be pmed with who left.

I understand why we don’t let people name names when we talk about who we like or who is the best this or that. But why don’t we let people name who left?

augustlan's avatar

@wundayatta Because then it becomes an “I miss so-and-so, but I’m not sorry so-and-so left” kind of thing. Still a popularity contest issue.

janbb's avatar

@augustlan yeah but I have to say I think this no naming names when some people know who we are talking about and some don’t is kind of dumb.

jrpowell's avatar

“but I’m not sorry so-and-so left” How about you address that situation when it rolls around? I think most of us can avoid that.

SpatzieLover's avatar

besides…if they left, how will they know unless they’re reading here? and if they’re easily offended then maybe Fluther isn’t the place for them?

janbb's avatar

Yes, I was thinking that too.

gailcalled's avatar

Or perhaps s/he is reinventing him/ herself after a major landmark?

gailcalled's avatar

@SpatzieLover: You sound as though you are certain. Are you allowed to divulge any info?

whitenoise's avatar

Hmmm…. Can I be in on the know please as well?

FutureMemory's avatar

I’ve figured out who it is.

cookieman's avatar

Oh, Jesus Christ on a Twinkie! Somebody please PM me as to who has left. please

SpatzieLover's avatar

Pmd already

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@gailcalled The person who left just needed more family time, and won’t be back. At least not for a while.

Nothing major happened, there wasn’t any altercation with another jelly, it was just a decision that was made about priorities.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Barring names, what freak incident occurred to spark this off?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Nothing serious, just a need for a change in priorities. =0)

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate: I understand.

Once, my wis.dm life impacted my face to face relationship with someone and I was given an ultimatum to stop. I didn’t stop and it cost me a one of the most dynamic people ever to come into my life.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I am so dumb…. How can you tell if someone has left. Does the avatar explode? Do the mods get an email? I really have no idea.
I was able to figure out who it is/was but without this question I would not have noticed for a while. Do people say goodbye?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

People don’t always say goodbye, sometimes they just take off. Some people leave their accounts intact, but others deactivate their accounts, which is what happened in this case. You’ll know someone has delted their account if you try to PM them and it says “Oh, no, we couldn’t find user ‘so and so’.”

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t think people are allowed to say good bye. They can put something on their profile, but if they delete their account, there profile won’t be there any more. Maybe there should be a kind of bullentin board where people could post and outgoing message. There is a question about what is happening in people’s lives, but unless you got on that question when it started, you don’t know what’s there.

Maybe we need a “gossip” section to add to meta, socal and general.

augustlan's avatar

People can always PM others to let them know they’re leaving. In this specific case, the member did PM a few people.

Berserker's avatar

Depressed? No. Sad and sometimes a little worried, yes. But not depressed. If they’re someone I know and like a lot, then if I know why they left, I wish them luck. Nothing lasts forever. If I don’t know why they left, I ask around, and hope they’re okay. I might get depressed if I heard some close online friend got hurt or died though. That’s never happened to me though. That I know of…when people are going on with their life, that’s always a much better alternative. :)

CWOTUS's avatar

If we’re ever going to get new features in Fluther, it would be helpful, I think, if we had a simple notification, just like “So-and-so has joined the collective” to notify us that “So-and-so has left the collective” so we wouldn’t have to go on these pretty pointless PM webs to find out “Who’s left?”

SpatzieLover's avatar

@CWOTUS That’s a FAB idea. That way none of these threads or PMs to everyone has to take place. It would be much more open and accessible.

augustlan's avatar

Not a bad idea, @CWOTUS. I wouldn’t mind at all if everyone knew who left, we just don’t want people talking (publicly) about the person, you know?

Aethelwine's avatar

But isn’t everyone on this question publicly speaking about this person who left, @augustlan? The user’s name just isn’t being used, but we all know who this is about.

augustlan's avatar

You do have a point, @jonsblond. Most of us (by this time) probably do know. It started as a general question, though, which is fine. Perhaps we should get it back on that track. ;)

Aethelwine's avatar

I do miss some jellies when they leave. :(

SpatzieLover's avatar

@jonsblond Yet some not so much…That’s why Auggie doesn’t want names named. ;)

FutureMemory's avatar

I don’t get depressed, simply because there are SO many active jellies. How many are there of us that post at least once a day? Hundreds, right?

There have been times when someone quit and I didn’t notice their absence for a month or more.

rooeytoo's avatar

I just gotta say @cprevite gets the prize for the most creative cursing I have ever heard!

For this little gem uttered up there^ “Oh, Jesus Christ on a Twinkie!”

I love it, it will now become my most used retort. (Unless of course I have to pay you a residual.)

cookieman's avatar

@rooeytoo: Please, use it freely. :^)

And thanks for the (multiple) PMs everybody. Now I know.
and knowing is half the battle

linguaphile's avatar

Most of the time I either don’t notice, or chalk it up to a life situation, like this jelly we might or might not be discussing on this thread.

However, I have gotten quite upset about a couple of Jellies’ departures before—I have believed one left because of something I said and I still am not sure if that is or isn’t the case. I probably will always have a twinge of guilt until I learn different. I might not even be the reason, but with that jelly gone, there’s no way to find out.

What I don’t like is when I know a Jelly left because they were being bullied or haggled by another Jelly. When I know that’s the reason, then yes, I get upset because I feel helpless.

DominicX's avatar

Yeah, I hope this doesn’t make me an asshole, but it often takes me a long time to even notice someone has left unless they’ve announced in some way or another. And sometimes I just assume they’re taking a break and don’t think they’ve permanently left.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I am really bummed out this time.
I always find it sad when a jelly that I like leaves, but this time I am really sad. I have no idea if the two jellies that quit had a mutual or related reason.. nor am I asking… but it really is particularly sad because they were both people that I liked very much. I care a lot about many of the people here, and although many of us talk outside of Fluther, I feel like without Fluther as a common link.. losing touch becomes inevitable at some point. I don’t know. It’s sad.

blueiiznh's avatar

I agree that I get bummed when that happens or if someone I admire takes a sabbatical.
If I know the sabbatical is occuring it helps, but I still miss that interaction.

However, it is someone that I have formed a bond with here, I would have a way to communicate outside of fluther if at all possible to try to not have that occur.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Is there some reason that you can’t name who it is?

janbb's avatar

“He” seems to be back!

SpatzieLover's avatar

And then goes again…silly.

Dutchess_III's avatar

GO INTO THE WATERING HOLE CHAT ROOM!!!! NOW!!!

Response moderated
bob_'s avatar

Okay, now I’m sad.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Yeah.

And so departs a fabulous lover of spatulas, and the hearts of the collective sigh in agony.

What the fuck is going on this week?

Blueroses's avatar

feel like crying

SpatzieLover's avatar

Drama. Then add some more.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Man, this is exhausting.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@JilltheTooth So help me God, if YOU leave, I’m hunting you down and beating you senseless with my stuffed monkey.

JilltheTooth's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate : Don’t worry, Darlin, I’m surgically attached.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Good, because I’d hate to have to beat you with my monkey. He’s vicious.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Getting a little titillated, here…

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Oh damn, you had to mention “tits”. I’m feeling better…

harple's avatar

oh heck, has someone else left? Would someone mind pm-ing me if so? I don’t know, go away for one day and the whole place changes!

harple's avatar

Thanks to those have pm’d me.

Sad too….

Tits.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Yes. Tits.

And now, for something to help us all feel better.

Blueroses's avatar

Ah. A trip down mammary lane.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Guys. Listen. Seriously. What the fuck is happening?

I’ve just noticed a fourth jelly that is gone.

wilma's avatar

Can someone PM me with he third and fourth who have left?
Does anyone know why?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

No, I don’t know why. It’s awful.

wilma's avatar

oops the third.

Berserker's avatar

Whatever their reasons, I’m wishing em luck out there. Sometimes you just gotta move on, man. I don’t like it anymore than anyone else, but that’s what it is.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I know, but it still sucks. And not in a good way… :*(

FutureMemory's avatar

To be honest I think our overall long term retention rate is pretty amazing.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I would appreciate a PM, as well, please. Thank you.

tranquilsea's avatar

me too because I haven’t been able to figure these ones out

gailcalled's avatar

Ditto for me.

Blackberry's avatar

So what’s the status?

Blueroses's avatar

@augustlan Can we please just put the names of the departed here? If everyone promises not to say anything negative?

The no naming names policy in this case seems to be having the opposite of the intended purpose since a lot of Jellies are feeling left out of the loop. and the flying PMs are dizzying and might not all be entirely accurate

Response moderated
SpatzieLover's avatar

^Smarty pants. Why didn’t I think of that?!

FutureMemory's avatar

I have more experience being devious than you, hah.

FutureMemory's avatar

Ruh roh…Auggie in the house..

<runs away>

augustlan's avatar

I’ll have to think about the whole naming names thing. Meantime, keep in mind that people leave for a variety of reasons… sometimes those reasons are interconnected and sometimes they’re not. Whatever their reasons, they are personal and private, unless they choose to share. As near as I can tell, none of the recent departures had anything to do specifically with the site itself, but with things going on outside of Fluther.

Quite often, people come back, whether under their old name, a new version of their old name, or with a completely new and anonymous name. Perhaps we’ll meet a few of them again. In any case, I wish them all the best.

augustlan's avatar

@FutureMemory You know I have a whip, right? ;)

FutureMemory's avatar

@augustlan My back still stings from time to time, how could I forget =/

JilltheTooth's avatar

@FutureMemory : I have been smacked with the actual, real life whip! I’m a little proud of that… ;-)

JilltheTooth's avatar

Good morning, Little Penguin!

janbb's avatar

I, too, want to go on record about naming names in threads. I understand the popularity contest issue but this has gotten ridiculous with some of us spending much more time pm’ing people than the issue warrants – and our jobs can bear! It is counter-productive, as has been mentioned, and smacks of overcontrol.

(Hiya Zuppi!)

Blackberry's avatar

I’m not sure what the big deal is about names. If someone leaves, their profile won’t be available anymore, anyway. We’re not discussing family secrets here lol.

cookieman's avatar

NAME da NAMES
NAME da NAMES
NAME da NAMES
NAME da NAMES
NAME da NAMES

I don’t really care that much. I was just in the mood for a chant.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Okay, that’s it! I can’t take it any more! I’m naming names, and that’s final.

It was Larry, Mo, Curly and… George.

Blackberry's avatar

Scaredy Cat.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I don’t want Auggie to kick my ass. I don’t mind the whip at all, but I don’t need an ass kicking; it’s too painful.

Oh yeah, and Cruiser is back. Under his regular account. I think he missed us. =0)

Dutchess_III's avatar

Auggie’s ass kickin’s hurt. It’s amazing for such a gentle person!

Aethelwine's avatar

Tweedledum and Tweedledee?
Jack, Janet and Chrissy?
Thing One and Thing Two?

Aethelwine's avatar

+5 for laughing :D

FutureMemory's avatar

I named a few in the post directly above this one…I’m still having trouble sitting down.

Blueroses's avatar

You knew the rules before you made the attempt @FutureMemory so one can only assume you wanted the punishment.

augustlan's avatar

He loves it.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Admit it, Auggie, so do you!!!

OpryLeigh's avatar

Not depressed as such but I certainly have an “aw no :( ” moment.

anartist's avatar

my goodness, I don’t know who it was either. Cat in a hula skirt? PM please.

blueiiznh's avatar

It is like a revolving door.

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