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jthiel's avatar

My husband and his mom?

Asked by jthiel (7points) May 7th, 2008

I have been married to my husabnd for almost 8 years and we have 4 wonderful children. I am a stay at home mom/part time pre-nursing student. My husband works alot trying to support us 9month old 3 yrs,6yrs and 8yrs… He loves spending time with his kids but rarely me. I am very lonely at times since i am always with kids.. Anyhoo, I was talking with my hubby last night about mother’s day and asked him what he was getting me as joking… I don’t want anything… but the topic of his mom came up and it went sour fast. He started saying I was jealous of her and I won’t let him spend time with her or his 14 yr old sister… four years ago my husband wanted to take his at the time 10 year old sister to the amusement park I had no problem with that but he wanted to go with out our son who was four I just thought it was rude and I got upset and now I am jealous yes I am angery but I don’t understand am I crazy or is that weird take your kid aswell, why can’t her parents take her… Then that same year my two oldest kids went to visit and the sister smacked my kid, when I confronted my mother in law she said my son who was four was lying that his sister would not do that,, and my husband so he would hurt his mommy defended his sister and still says he doesn’t know if it happened that little brat hit my kid and got away with it and so yes I hold anger towards them poeple.. and my sons father wouldn’t even stick up for him… Now my husband says I am a bad mom and I don’t deserve any acknowledgement for mothers day I am the mother of his four children…WTF???? And he then went on to say the saying any man can be a father it takes a real man to be a dad… and then said any women can birth children but only a really woman can be a mom… I guess I don’t meet his standards maybe he should have kids with his mom…LOL What do you think I should do??? Now after the fight he says he doesn’t want to be with me cause he can’t spend time with his mom and sister…. cause i am jealous… I’m not jealous I just hate them…Strong words right….

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9 Answers

nocountry2's avatar

Counseling. It works.

Kay's avatar

It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. Do you find your husband is critical of you a lot and does not listen to your point of view? Your opinions and feelings are just as valid as his. I urge you to talk to a counselor/therapist about this separately from him to sort out your feelings first. When a couple that has been fighting a lot goes into counseling together it is usually more beneficial to be seen separately first so they can both tell their side of things without interrupting/arguing with their SO. Do you feel like your relationship is healthy?

cheebdragon's avatar

has this kind of conversation ever happened in the past? Or is this the first time?

breanne's avatar

Looks like maybe your mother-in-law is upset that you took her son away from her family. Apparently he still has a young sibling, so maybe the two of them feel that he was deprived of a relationship with her because they did not grow up together. I do not think it abnormal or heartless that he wanted to go out with just his sister, as my sister and I do it all the time. Some times adults need to do things without kids; however, having said this, if he’s an inattentive father, that is grounds to be upset, because he is putting his family above that of his immediate family. As for the smacking of your kid, no one likes to believe that their kids are capable of being violent and obnoxious like that, so let it go, as kids being kids. But I do think you guys need to sit down and discuss the future of your marriage, since it sounds like there is more upsetting him about your relationship than you know. Hate to say it, but if you let it go or fester too long, he might seek the wrong kind of attention elsewhere, rather than in a counseling session like the two of you need.

dayeshere's avatar

If you WANT to salvage this relationship then definately go to counseling. He sounds abusive to me. I have been married to my husband for almost 8 years and we have one beautiful daughter. If he EVER said any ONE of those things to me I would tell him it’s counseling or the door. He has some serious issues. Keep us updated.

8lightminutesaway's avatar

I agree with Breanne. “it sounds like there is more upsetting him about your relationship than you know. Hate to say it, but if you let it go or fester too long, he might seek the wrong kind of attention elsewhere, rather than in a counseling session like the two of you need.”
Also, both of you should be careful with the words you use, as these can needlessly destroy a relationship
“I guess I don’t meet his standards maybe he should have kids with his mom…LOL”
I understand you’re very upset, but I hope you didn’t say this to him. At the same time, he really shouldn’t have said the things he did either, they were not respectful at all, but a wrong doesn’t justify any similar action in return. These sorts of comments do not progress the situation.
I had a girlfriend who hated my mom and she made some very harsh comments about her that really hurt me, even though I don’t talk to my mom much, and just drove me away from my gf even more. And I hear guys have a strange connection to their mothers, some psychological thing. Same goes for girls and their daddies.
I think both of you need to be more understanding of each other (no offense intended at all, just trying to help). How often does he see his sister? But yeah, counseling.

cheebdragon's avatar

personally, I dont think that anyone should get in between a parent and their child, I would never want someone doing that to me.
She doesn’t want to believe that her daughter would hit your son anymore than you want to believe your son could ever hit her daughter. You might be more alike than you think and thats maybe why you dont get along.

nikipedia's avatar

What’s your question? You clearly already recognize that what he said was completely out of line, but we are of course only seeing your side of the story. Sounds like the two of you need to hash out it with a pro.

loser's avatar

couples therapy time!

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