What do you do in this stage of a relationship?

If it is your fault, fix what you did.

In addition to what @DrBill siad, I would start a discussion about how you want the relationship to get closer because a) you love him, or b) he is your best friend (or whatever works for you).

You need to own your stuff, not own his stuff. Ask him what he thinks is missing in the relationship, what would make it stronger for him.

Good luck, be brave, this can be hard.

I’d be very upfront about what I did and ask how I could fix it. I would state that I didn’t want the relationship to end and that I was willing to do anything to regain the trust I lost.

@DrBill The problem at this point doesn’t seem to directly be about what I did. What I did was bad because as @tranquilsea put it, I lost his trust. Rightly so. He seems to think that I am moving on, but I’m not. I don’t know how to show him that I want to stick around.

@zenvelo This is really good advice. But he doesn’t seem to want to talk. I don’t think he really wants the relationship to work anymore, which is completely fair and reasonable. Plus, we’ve only been flirting and talking for a few months. Although things are serious emotionally, we aren’t really a couple anymore, I guess.

@tranquilsea This is exactly right. I should probably be more direct. I have really been tip-toeing around the issue.

If it’s something that can be fixed then do it. If not it’s inevitable to break up.

All of the good advice above may not save your relationship. He has to want to. If he doesn’t, then there is nothing you can do.

Try the direct approach, but don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work.

Counseling works for some. Time apart works for some. Depraved sex works for some.

I would get all passionate and say what I think is happening and what I want to have happen. Then I’d see if the other person had any ideas or perspectives that I hadn’t thought of. If they don’t come up with anything, then it’s over. If they have something that can make you see it freshly, then maybe there’s a chance.

If you love this person, I would make it clear that you do love them. Sometimes, though, that isn’t enough. Sometimes there are external circumstances that get in the way and there is nothing you can do… or nothing you are willing to do that is enough to save the relationship.

It can be a great deal or torture when you are in this position. You love this person so much, but they aren’t really available. This is especially true in long distance relationships, I have found. Distance is a huge barrier. People have lives they have built. They are unwilling to upset the apple cart, even if it is true love. Even if it is a soulmate.

It’s amazing how much power the comfort of a situation one knows well is. To give that up for the other person so the relationship can take the next step—overwhelming. Especially if one person is more impatient than the other. In my experience, women take a longer time, and men tend to need things to happen more quickly.

In the end, I think you are right. No matter how much you fight, the structural difficulties of the situation make the relationship impossible. With all the will in the world and all the passion in the world and all the communication in the world, once things have gotten to a certain point, you can’t mend the tear. It’s over.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still fight. You should fight on. There’s a chance you can fix it. And you may need to fight in order to get closure in your own mind. You need to do everything you can. Every little fucking thing you can, just in case some miracle happens, but it will be a miracle if it does happen. But then, perhaps I’m a fool because I believe in miracles, especially in matters of love.

One word “Communicate” it is the only thing to do is just open up to find out where or if it can be fixed.

Pick a time to ask him if he wants to invest in working on some stuff to strengthen the relationship or if he’d rather move on. Tell him you don’t want to move on. If he hems and haws around it then let it be. Sometimes there is bitterness that builds up that ruins love and some people don’t want to bother forgiving someone who’s hurt them, they’d rather try again with someone they hope won’t screw them in the first place.

Give him a BIG hug and then spill your guts.