Social Question

Hibernate's avatar

How would you feel if one of your parent remarried someone who's younger than you?

Asked by Hibernate (9091points) September 29th, 2011

Today I had this discussion with someone. Her ex husband remarried someone who’s just one year older then their youngest sons. Two of the kids are older than her step mom.
How would you feel in this situation?
Picture this: you go with your step parent somewhere and when someone asks who he/she is you just say “my step parent” ... this is a laugh but how would you feel?

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28 Answers

Jellie's avatar

It would be very uncomfortable for me. I’d almost be like, what is daddy/mommy doing with someone my age? Surely this new person is not mature enough for them.

Blackberry's avatar

It would be strange initially, because we know our parents well, so one may be surprised, thinking they wouldn’t do that. Depending on what they are like, that will make it easier to get along with them.

rts486's avatar

It would certainly make me say “what the heck!” But I think it would mostly depend on who the person was. My father became a widow two years ago. If he ends up remarrying, I would rather she be younger than me and a good person, than a more appropriate age and not a good person. But I would still ask why would she marry someone that much older.

intrepidium's avatar

If I don’t personally know the person in question, I’d like to at least initially give the benefit of doubt and think that perhaps he/she may be an old soul and mature beyond his/her chronological age. What the person is really like e.g. do they make my parent happy, are they kind and considerate, are they sincere and honest in the relationship etc. would be far more important than their age alone

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

No way. I’d think they lost their damn mind. I might also question the motives of someone interested in marrying someone more than 30 years their senior. This may be, in big part, because I would be concerned about my father’s finances. My mom, on the other hand, involves a lot more explaining and deeper issues that I don’t feel like getting into… so I’ll just say no. I would not be supportive.

marinelife's avatar

It would depend on the person. If they made my parent happy, I would be glad.

Pandora's avatar

At this point. Oh, Thank God, than she will be someone elses headache. LOL Only kidding.
She’s 81 years old and not in the best health. I would worry that person only has one thing on their mind, to get her house when she passes. Knowing my mom she would also have to be drugged. She’s never been very social and she is an extremely private person.

LuckyGuy's avatar

There goes the inheritance!

john65pennington's avatar

I had a similar situation in my police department. I was age 65 and most of the promoted Sgts and Lt’s were much younger than me.

They had new ideas about everything. I mostly did not agree with their actions, but in order to keep things cool, I just went along with the program.

Same applies with your question.

thesparrow's avatar

This is the American way of living. Only rich old white men can afford these sort of luxuries. I would not take the marriage or the relationship seriously. In fact, I’d be ashamed to even have a parent who would do such a thing (whether it be a mother or father).

thesparrow's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf Maybe not so deep.. perhaps she just wants a working penis. Women hit a new sexual peak at 50.

keobooks's avatar

They didn’t get married, but there was a situation in my family that I found really unsettling.

My dad’s best friend from high school comes to all our family events and he has always been like an uncle to me. Once he brought his much younger girlfriend to a family event. She was MY best friend from middle school. She was a year younger than me (skipped a grade)

It made me really uncomfortable and I was glad when they broke up. I think realizing that her boyfriend had a “niece” her age was weird for her too, though she never mentioned it to me. Things were never quite the same between us after that for some reason. We both deliberately avoid talking about it and my pseudo-uncle will blush and sputter if anyone mentions it to him.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@thesparrow that wasn’t what I meant. I meant that there are personal reasons that I wouldn’t accept such a thing from my mother. I just didn’t feel like delving into them here.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

I wouldn’t care… I don’t think that way. I treat people as individuals, and believe that age dictates how long a person has been on this earth… Not their individual level of maturity as a soul force an energy or as a living breathing purpose in the process of another persons life.

As long as they are within the legal limits of what is deemed acceptible, for a very good reason, and they love each other and it isn’t some sick twisted sence of self gratification at the expe4nse of a younger and often therefore more vulnerable mindframe.

Then honestly it’s not really any of my business. Live and let live, life is too damn short to not be happy because your parents or their kids have issue with their preferences.

Nobody knows what goes on in other peoples privacies… We all just like to believe we do based on not mch more than our own hang-ups and opinions that although these are worthwhile and important… they shouldn’t be an event that goes much beyond appreciation and respect of acknowledgement.

geeky_mama's avatar

I would reserve judgment until I got to know their new spouse.
If they truly loved my parent and it seemed to make my mom or dad really happy I’d hold my tongue.
My perspective may be a bit different b/c both of my parents are remarried. All I really want for them is to be happy with their respective mates..because at this advanced age I don’t really relate to either of my stepparents as parents really.

King_Pariah's avatar

Honestly, the only thing I’d be surprised about is that they have the swagger to get someone as young as me. Other than that, maybe a bit more disappointed than I am with them.

tedibear's avatar

Considering that my parents were in the 40’s when I was born, that would have been a pretty big age difference! And yes, I would have been uncomfortable and wondered about their motives.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Considering my mother is old enough to not unreasonably be my grandmother and considering that she made the choice a very long time ago to not get married or have a relationship, I would be super freaked out. I would probably get the guy alone and try and figure out his angle, maybe threaten him a bit.

Jellie's avatar

@KatawaGrey“maybe threaten him a bit.”

Heheh you’re so cute.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Jellie: Hopefully he wouldn’t think that. :P

thesparrow's avatar

this topic is becoming tedious

keobooks's avatar

I should mention that if my mom did it, it would completely shock me because she’s obsessed with the “fact” that people need to be the same age to get married. She dumped a guy who was only 5 years younger than her because he was too young. She’s married twice. My dad was 4 months older than her and my step dad is less than 2 months older than her. She says that there is a thrill she gets knowing that when she and both of her husbands listened to the exact same songs, watched the exact same television shows and movies at the exact same age she did them. She likes that they graduated the exact same year in high school. And are experiencing milestones at the same time.

I think she’s way too insanely anal about the age thing. If she married someone younger than me, I would know that she had been taken over by aliens. I would find it more plausible that she’d date a woman (her exact same age) even though she’s outrageously homophobic.

Ron_C's avatar

He didn’t marry her, he just lived with her. He did pretty well finding horny younger women. He waited 3 years, after my mother died before dating. I didn’t care about the age of the women he dated. He was 93 when he died, it got harder and harder to find women, his age, that could keep up with him.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I would most likely be grossed out. I am 21 and my parents are in their 50s.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Happy that they had found happiness and reminding myself that It is none of my business to interfere in their choices or needs.

BellaB's avatar

Thrilled that he went out and found someone fabulous – because he’s got great style and taste. Happy that he found someone he wants to spend mealtimes and other times with.

kritiper's avatar

I would look at my father and say, “You GO, Dad!”
If it was my mother, I’d say, “But you’re not gonna have any more kids, are you, Mom??”

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