General Question

Mtl_zack's avatar

What do you do in the case of a "boyfriend bomb"?

Asked by Mtl_zack (6762points) May 10th, 2008

this has happened at least 100 times in my 18 years of existence. i like a girl, sometimes some more than others, and it turns out they have a boyfriend. usually, i try to do my research, but someone always comes in like 10 minutes before im about to ask her out, literally (at least 7 times in my life it was an interval of 30 minutes).
im at the point where i see couples everywhere and i feel like im the only one without someone. is this a normal reaction? people say that my soulmate will come, but will she really?

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15 Answers

kevbo's avatar

Don’t let it discourage you. People break up all the time. Keep tabs on the ones you are interested in. Make sure they can sense you are interested in them and make your move when the wheels fall off their other relationship. In the meantime, keep casting your net.

Also, set in your mind that you’re open to and accepting of an available girl instead of focusing on everyone being taken.

wildflower's avatar

There’s probably a reason it comes up just as you’re about to ask them out…...that’s probably when they realise your intentions and feel it best to let you know.

Also, kevbo is right, at 18 most relationships aren’t going to last all that long. And I’m sure you’ll meet plenty of girls that aren’t taken.

It might be an idea to reconsider the way you do your ‘research’ so that you don’t get your hopes up for the wrong girl. When you talk to them initially, it wouldn’t seem that odd to say ‘so where’s your boyfriend’ or ‘is your boyfriend taking you to…..’ or something along those lines and that way you can avoid feeling shot down at the last minute.

Mtl_zack's avatar

another thing: my ocean is limited because im jewish and apparently intermarriage is a sin. my grandmother has a 4 inch book entitled “how to stop an intermarriage”. im not saying that im gonna marry her, but my grandparents think that its possible that at young ages, irrational things happen like that.
@ kevbo: i find it slightly inappropriate to pick up a girl after they went through a break up, because they’re going through a rough time. what would you say is the appropriate time period after the break up, to ask her out?

kevbo's avatar

I agree with you that the gentlemenly thing to do is wait, but (and ladies correct me if I am wrong) I don’t think that’s a concern for many girls. There are lots of girls who jump from relationship to relationship. Obviously, that brings its own set of problems, but it’s a reality that you can choose to appreciate or avoid.

On a slightly different track, there’s a saying that “no girl ever objected to being swept off her feet.” Rape and assault aside, girls say no until they say yes, and as long as they’re entertaining your pursuit (even if it’s with rejection) you’re most likely on the right track.

If you haven’t already, read How to Succeed with Women by Louis and Copeland. It’s a great book.

Breefield's avatar

Man law states: the appropriate time to ask a girl out after she ends her previous relationship is 1 week for every 1 month she was in said relationship. With the maxium waiting time being that of 2 months.

wildflower's avatar

Man Law? seriously?

cheebdragon's avatar

best way to get over someone is to get under someone else….........
or so I hear…......
; )

Bri_L's avatar

I am a twin. My brother was the evil bad boy get the girl one. I was the one they loved like a brother wanted to confide in but not date for some reason. It was frustrating as heck.

I ended up with the best hottest woman in the world and will celebrate our 12th year anniversary with our 2 kids this Oct.

You be you!!!!

ninjaxmarc's avatar

it wasn’t meant to be the right person will come…..patience is key.

Ma-goo's avatar

Your ocean is NOT limited. When I was young, our Protestant church had a little booklet entitled “What will Happen if You Date a Roman Catholic” that they gave to members of the youth group. Oh man—I couldn’t wait to find a Catholic boy! I dated all thru my 20’s—-all kinds of men, & had a lot of fun! And I think that’s the clue—FUN. People are attracted to those who like to have fun. At 27 my Mother changed her “oh, you just haven’t the right guy, don’t worry” to ” I know many women who never married & they were perfectly happy”
At that point dependable, responsible men started looking more attractive to me & sure enuf someone came along, & I was married before I turned 30. And have stayed married to this fun & nice guy for 35 years. And yes, he was Catholic!

XCNuse's avatar

I’ll tell you my life story (um.. basically), when the right person comes you’ll know it, I found this out only 3 and a half months ago (some of you may say well that isn’t long enough to know.. this was a match that honestly from what I’ve seen cannot go wrong).

The secret is not to look, I looked my whole life basically, constantly searching etc. didn’t get me anywhere, the one time I focused on my work and stopped looking someone came into my life; this was the end of last semester, it didn’t work out and hardly was anything, but either way I stopped looking and I was found. I waited about a month and after we finally talked about the situation I was found again. I may not have been found a very what I would consider perfect situation, but after exchanging a few words, all the little pieces fit together. I swear on my life she is my soul mate, we say the same things at the same time every now and then, whenever I pick up the phone to call her she calls me and vice versa, and thankfully have many of the same interests.

I could go on but I don’t want to bore you lol, I promise you though my only tip is don’t search, and I assure you you will be found.
You’ll know you’re in a good relationship when you can work on a relationship and won’t be afraid to talk to the other person without a hitch, aren’t afraid, no nothing, it just.. happens; I dunno, sometimes I just think I got lucky or by the grace of God landed up where I am.

PS tips; don’t search for one (no pressure!, if you have no pressure there won’t be any issues when you do find the one), be nice; hold the door for the next lady walking by, even if she has a boyfriend or is married, whatever, respect is key, smile, be VERY open, if you aren’t open you’ll never find the right one.

Hope this will help you :)

acebamboo77's avatar

it happens…trust me… been through it a million and one times…
ive just come to the conclusion that destiny doesnt make mistakes and everything i go through will eventually lead me to happiness, and it will do the same with u.
this is a really good example of why patience is a virtue, in times like these its hard to have it, but it really does pay off.

Mtl_zack's avatar

thanks for all the encouragement and tips. ill try to be patient, even though that isnt my area of expertise.

Zaku's avatar

Wow. 100 times? 7 literal times? I hadn’t even been interested enough in 7 girls to ask them out by the time I was 18. Sigh.

Ok, but still, advice: Don’t get attached to girls before even asking them out, if you can avoid it. Find out if they’re single before you could possibly be concerned.

punkrockworld's avatar

You’re soooo young,so you really don’t have to worry. If it didn’t happen, it didn’t happen for a reason. The right one will come along, all you gotta do is wait for it to happen. The more you’re gonna think about it, the longer it’s gonna take. Just be a social guy and I’m sure you’ll get noticed.

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