Social Question

Facade's avatar

People who don't consider themselves to be straight: Are you out?

Asked by Facade (22902points) October 13th, 2011

Do people know you are gay/bisexual/queer?
Do you only share your sexual orientation with certain people or is it public knowledge?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

17 Answers

GabrielsLamb's avatar

Other peoples opinions of me would have to matter for me to be “Out” They just don’t really, so… I suppose it’s more a matter of I am what I am either way?

YoBob's avatar

Ok folks, I just gotta say this.

I am not gay/bisexual/queer, nor am I even “curious”. That being said, I only “share” my orientation and preferences with those immediately concerned. I am not “homophobic” and believe what people do in their own bedrooms is really none of my business. Not only do I believe it to be none of my business, I really would prefer it if you kept your sexual preferences between you and those you are planning on having sex with.

No, I’m not suggesting hiding in the closet, but is making a big deal over being “out” really necessary? To me it’s quite similar to other groups who have participated in the struggle for civil rights. It only ceases to be an issue when everyone quits treating it as an issue and just goes on with their business.

(And a hearty “AMEN” @GabrielsLamb)!

tinyfaery's avatar

Everyone assumes heterosexuality, that’s why you don’t have to bring it up. Heteros can wear their wedding rings, display pictures without fear and talk about plans with the spouse and kids.

I’m out. I don’t meet someone and say, hey, I’m queer, but I refuse to switch pronouns and if anybody asks about my relationship status I tell them I have been married to the most wonderful woman for 10 years. But, I live in L.A. I can’t imagine what it must be like in Texas or Kansas. I guess that’s why I would never live there.

When the wife and I are in unfamiliar situations that might be dangerous we do all we can to appear as sisters or friends. Crimes against the LGBT community are still prevalent.

Aethelflaed's avatar

@YoBob I might agree with you, if people didn’t feel the need to announce their preferences on how others deal with their sexual preferences even though they hadn’t been asked. But they do, so it’s still an issue.

DominicX's avatar

@YoBob So, it’s not okay for me to say “wow, that guy is attractive”? I could agree with that as long as you also think it’s not okay for you say the same thing about a woman. I’ll only keep my preferences to myself if you keep yours to yourself. What most “homophobic” people believe is that straight people can be open about their preferences, talk about their partners, sex, attraction, dating, etc. but gay people have to keep it hidden. The reason why people have to make a big deal about it is because you can’t hide it forever. What happens if your family and friends keep pestering you about getting a girlfriend, or ask you about attractive girls. Are you just supposed to sit and there and lie? Sometimes the truth has to come out. “Out” doesn’t mean that you go around announcing your preferences wherever you go, but it means that you don’t hide them when the topic comes up and you don’t lie. I spent my entire high school years lying and hiding it and eventually I got sick of it and realized I wasn’t going to do that anymore. That’s what it meant for me to be “out”.

“Not being an issue” goes both ways. Sure, I can keep quiet about it and lie and it “won’t be an issue” but there are people out there who think it’s okay to kick their son out of the house for being gay; there are people who think it’s okay to bully gay people to the point of suicide. So I’ll stop making it an issue when other people stop making it an issue.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Yes, everybody knows I’m gay.

@YoBob : For centuries, GLBTQ people have been beaten, murdered, executed, tarred and feathered, and had every other form of abuse thrown at them. When they burned witches in England, homosexuals used to be bound and gagged and thrown on the fire. They were not deemed worthy of their own stake just the fire. The English term faggot means a burning stick, and thus the term was appropriated for homosexuals.

Only in the last half century or so have we begun to stand up for ourselves and demand what everyone else has—safety, equality, and respect. We are not going to be quiet about it as long as there is hatred. I have a friend brutally beaten on the streets of Dallas, Texas, just because he was gay. I had an acquaintance there who was murdered for the same reason. It was all just because he was gay.

Hate exists. As long as it does, I will speak out loudly.

I’m gay, and I’m proud.

YoBob's avatar

Pretty much the reaction I expected.

DominicX's avatar

@YoBob Yeah, not surprising of you to not accept any differing opinion from your own or respond to any argument made.

YoBob's avatar

Well, @DominicX, since being rather immersed in the whole gay scene during the college years when I made a living playing in a rock and roll band fronted by two lesbians and having more than a few homosexuals I count among my best friends, I have learned over the past few decades that it is really not worth the trouble to continue such conversations with those sharing your apparent world view.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@YoBob : Anything that keeps me from freely expressing my sexuality in a healthy way just like straight people do is homophobia.

If I can’t mention the word boyfriend because it might cause someone to cringe, that is homophobia.

If I can’t hold my boyfriend’s hand in public, that is homophobia.

If I can’t give my boyfriend a peck on the cheek or a full kiss on the mouth in public, that is homophobia.

If I can’t marry because my partner and I happen to be the same gender, that is homophobia.

If I can’t inherit the assets of my partner of more than 20 years, that’s homophobia.

If I am denied access in the emergency room of the hospital with my injured partner, that is homophobia.

Shall I continue?

DominicX's avatar

@YoBob And that’s unfortunate because all I’m trying to do is understand your side. I wanted you to clarify: do you hold the view that both orientations should keep their preferences to themselves? If so, to what extent? Since you won’t answer that, I can only assume you hold the hypocritical homophobic view that gay people should keep their preferences to themselves, but it’s alright for straight people to be open about their preferences. I could be wrong, but since you won’t explain, I’m stuck with my assumptions (and they are the way they are because I have met many people who hold that hypocritical homophobic view. I’m used it. So when I see something that looks like that, I assume it is). Unless you would explain that it isn’t the case…

But, rather, you’re just further emphasizing the fact that people like you and people like me are at variance and we can’t coexist peacefully. That’s unfortunate.

And please. Don’t give me the old “but I have gay friends!”. That does not mean you are not hypocritical or homophobic.

tinyfaery's avatar

How long ago was that. We’ve come a long way baby. Plus, it makes sense that gay people who live where people want them to stay closeted, would stay closeted. Self-preservation would be my #1 line of defense in a place full of gay haters/deniers/killers.

downtide's avatar

I’m bi and trans. I’m totally out and open about being trans (it’s kind of necessary, to stop people calling me “she” all the time). I’m not out to everyone about being bi though. It’s not a secret but I just don’t consider it necessary for most people to know.

LezboPirate's avatar

I’d say I’m out. My family knows. My friends know. And every guys who asks for my number knows.

Berserker's avatar

Other than friends and my grandma, most people think I’m straight. Actually, I’m pretty sure everyone does. I’m bi though, and I’m fine with people knowing, thing is I’m not really into talking about my sexuality with people. It’s something private to me, unless obviously, I’m being intimate with someone, or wanting to be. (which happens once in a blue moon lol) Or someone that I might be interested in dating.

I would be just as closed off if I were 100% straight though. I know, doesn’t seem like it on Fluther, but in real life I’m a lot more reserved. I consider myself out as bisexual because I’ve long known it and accepted it, and accepting it really wasn’t hard at all, because it always felt natural to me, even as a kid. I just don’t feel the need to shout it out to everyone. But for those who do, that’s awesome, more power to you. As far as this goes, I’m comfortable with my methods and my nature, and that’s all I’ve ever considered important lol.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Most people know I am bisexual. I don’t hide it but it’s not always obvious since I have a long term boyfriend. I didn’t ever really come out, people just seemed to cotton on themselves.

OpryLeigh's avatar

@DominicX in @YoBob‘s defence, he did say that he only shares his sexual orientation with those that matter so, from that, I am guessing that he doesn’t think that it is ok for him to claim that a woman is attractive out loud anymore than it is ok for you to claim a man is attractive out loud. I may be way off the mark but that’s just what I got from his comment.

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