Social Question

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

"I wish you were 20 years older." Do older men give young women a chance?

Asked by Imadethisupwithnoforethought (14635points) October 13th, 2011

After speaking with the author of this question, I would like to ask the same question with genders reversed.

Older men, do you give younger women a fair chance? Why, why not?

Younger women, have you experienced the brush off from older men?

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23 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I have never had a man tell me “I wish you were 20 years older.” In fact, I think some of the most perverted and shocking come-ons I’ve received in my life have been from much older men.

fizzbanger's avatar

Old men like them young-uns.

Pandora's avatar

This is unusual. I often think, older men will jump at a chance of a younger women. Many marriages where cheating is involved, the guy will leave for a younger woman. In cases where men will give the brush off it probably either has to do with the fact she is not his type or she’s not mature enough or he’s not into teens or wants to avoid jail. When I was younger, I’ve had guys maybe say, “if I was 20 years younger, I would make a play for you”. But never the other way.

Paradox1's avatar

Why wouldn’t they? It’s the closest thing to the fountain of youth. Just look at Mr. Hefner

creative1's avatar

Who the heck are you kidding here, older men look for women half their age!!

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

@creative1 you sure? I see a bunch of people saying they assume they do. And Pandora indicated maybe some guys expressed interest but didn’t really chase her too hard.

chyna's avatar

Go on one of the dating sites such as Match. Look at men in their 50’s and they have listed “looking for women 18–38.”
At least 80% of them say that.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yeah. The first time a guy my father’s age hit on me, it was shocking and sickening. I was 13.

boxer3's avatar

It depends what “old” is I guess,
There was an older man who was a regular at my work for a while,
I am 22 – He has a son the is 34, He told me one day that he dreamed he woke up and I was there next to him…..I told him he shoud stop eating so late at night…
At my other job a man whi had to be at least 65 asked if he could take me on a dinner date…..ummmm,,,,,,. not my thing.

I guess everything is circumstantial, as of now the oldest man I’ve dated is 31.

I’m not into 60 year olds.

That’s all I know.

blueiiznh's avatar

What the heck planet are you asking this question about?

On earth it is an interesting question in that no matter what age you put in ( 1–21 or 81–101 ), the answer is always the same…..“pervert!” or “In your dreams”

Aethelflaed's avatar

I wish older men said this to me more often. But either they have no problem dating someone who’s actually closer in age to their young daughters (seriously, I’ve had this happen often enough for it to be a “thing), or they say “If I were 20 years younger”, where the emphasis is on my being young, not on how they’d still like me if I were their age.

Kardamom's avatar

Two words: Trophy Wife

GabrielsLamb's avatar

In all honesty, and all pervert speak aside because like it or not that isn’t always the truth the fact of the matter is, an older woman although in their sexual prime, will usually tend to take care of a younger man as well as being more sexuall fitted for his libido.

*Women peak at 35 to 40 and men peak sexually at 18 to 25 (18 is too young however let is be known)

An older man, by then way past his sexual prime would simply bore a younger girl to death. Although that being said, many of them are very well taken care of as compensation, and if it is a mutually acceptible situation and no one is getting hurt and the girl is 21 and over…Who is to say, and who is to judge.

It works better on the older woman/younger man end of the situation because by statistics, and it makes more sence. That’s evolution for ya.

And I wish people would stop with the snap judgements and assumptions of pervert… Not everyone is all about sex only and not everyone wants to take advantage of everyone all the time. Sometimes, there is genuine interest and love for a “soul mate” you know that hookey crap everyone keeps harping on and on about.

What if your “soul mate” just so happens to be younger or older than you?

blueiiznh's avatar

@GabrielsLamb I agree on the comments that it should not always be thought of that way, but sadly it is.
While there may be genuine interest, it gets twisted around by stereotypical thinking.
@kardamom I disagree on the “Trophy Wife” comment or concept. We are speaking of adults. Two adults are making a decision. Does that mean every younger wife is being foolish because it was all about age and appearance?

@GabrielsLamb I however disagree with the stereotypical comment you made about sexual prime.
As you said, who is anyone to judge what works best or makes more sense. It is about what works for the couple.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@blueiiznh That is like saying to a person “I’m sorry, I don’t want to slap you, but everyone says I have to so that’s just the way it is.”

I don’t fall for that noise, and I have always and will always judge an individual by their actual behavior and actions, when gaged and observed properly BY ME..Meaning not on video or audio that can be faked or altered to an agenda (Which is usually why it exists in the first place) . Otherwise it’s none of my business and I don’t care, unless it directly effects me and my life.

I’m not saying that I lack a social conscience, I’m saying that if more people saw things with their own eyes and listened with their own ears life might be a lot nicer, and people wouldn’t get lynched on public assumption…

“Because that’s just the way it is.” Sometimes, you have to break those old tapes and play something else with intent to change life itself, not just the things and the people we personally or collectively don’t agree with.

*Said respectfully as I do like you Blue… No tone, no snarky! ♥

And my comment wasn’t “steriotypical.” It is a hard cold medical fact. *You can’t make that stuff up even if you try.

Aethelflaed's avatar

@blueiiznh Not every younger wife. But the trophy wife, the trading an older model in for a younger one, this is a common phenomenon.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Aethelflaed Yeah, don’t I know it.

blueiiznh's avatar

@GabrielsLamb No disrespect, tone or snarky taken or hopefully none felt as it is not my point. The point I was trying to make was that you pointed out “sexual peak” factoids and then in the same response seemed anoid about people snapping to judgement and assesment about it being “perverted”.
So I honestly was confused about the response seeming double standard to me. So I replied in more a “devils advocate” style reply. I do not always play the “devils advocate” role well. I do better when speaking from the heart and what I do know.
So here is my serious reply on a social quip.
You are certainly correct on the sexual peak age difference. Yes, it is a cruel, too common occurrence that people would merely trade a person in for a younger model. It is my belief that those type people are only fooling themselves while hurting the others they have also affected. Statistics will also show failure in that and karma will catch up with them.
It does happen in reverse as well, I sadly have felt that pain too. But from that pain comes the understanding that it is not about age, looks, prize, perv, slap, but personal selfishness.
And being on that other side have found myself in the middle of that age cookie. Do I think or base things based on age, nope. I base it on who they are, how they are, but there does become a point when physiological differences can become a real issue.

phew…I think i need a cookie break

linguaphile's avatar

20 years younger is my son’s age… so no matter how attractive the guy might be, there’s too much ick factor. Way too much.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I don’t know if I would. I’ve come across some younger women that are mature enough to satisfy that part of me, but I think I might be shortchanging them sexually.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Way WAY too much ick factor @linguaphile…but why is it men don’t seem to feel the ick factor?? After my folks divorced, my dad married a woman who was only 8 years older than me. She could easily have been a daughter’s age.

linguaphile's avatar

@Dutchess_III Men think it’s okay because society thinks it’s okay, as reflected in the stereotypes? Older man with younger woman: dayumn, he’s a stud, or she’s lucky because she’ll be taken care of (bleah). Or the historical image of an older man, younger woman persists? While an older woman with younger man: eewww who wants a loose, wrinkled, sagbag? What will happen when she gets old? Couldn’t he find a pretty, young thing his age? Haha, she’s a cougar!

Really, the stereotypes make me sick because it shows the continued gender bias, but even with that, I still won’t date someone my son’s age, especially since he’s still only 20 and 20 year old boys are icky. When I’m 55 and he’s 35…. I can’t say how I’d feel, though.

amanda_zhong's avatar

I have never had the same experience. But I think all are should depending on your own heart. If you like the one, you need give chance to see if you are able to establish and keep the relationship.

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