Social Question

blueberry_kid's avatar

Can you help me with one of my first boy troubles?

Asked by blueberry_kid (5952points) October 14th, 2011

I have a friend who is know at school as a player. I’m not really into guys like that, because that just means they’re pretty on the outside, but ugly on the inside. I really hate that. But, this is the first time I’m really meeting him. He’s actually very nice, and is what I think very cute. The only problem is, my best friend got her heartbroken by him and my other friend has a really big crush on him.

Now, I don’t know if I like him or not because there are times where he makes fun of me and says some insults, but I brush them off. Even though I am very insecure.

This guy is different than what you may think. He’s very attractive and is very sweet. There’s also another problem: He has a cush on my very best friend Kayla. But, she is loved by every boy known to man, most likely. So, even if I did really like him, there is no way he woud like me. And another thing, he bounces around from girl to girl. Like I said: He liked a friend of mine, then a dfferent girl, then Kayla. But, a year ago, he went out with my another friend. Also, 3 of my friends. really like him. And so goes on the chain of girls for him.

The main problem is, I think I really like him. I feel like if I say something, I’m making a whole lot of my friends of upset, i’m some what of a follower and loser, and I don’t want that to happen. As well as having the humiliation; eirgo my insecurity. He’s very sweet and very cute but I feel guilty about having those feelings.

Is this bad? Am I being a terrible friend?

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24 Answers

GabrielsLamb's avatar

Let me tell you something little one… When a guy learns that young how a certain kind of girl will react intrigued and interested in return for his insults, he has learned an art that most men only ever master until they are much older. If he is pretty to boot…

My suggestion is that you steer clear until you’re mature enough to either take it for what it is, or learn to counter it. It takes prowess… I don’t think puppy love quite transcends yet.

There is a certain kind of a man who understands how you actually draw and attract certain women by insults… They are insensitive, ignorant and always VERY charming and charismatic. Trust me, I have loved enough of these to know where of I speak

Charming, insulting, and charismatic are three words for trouble! Chances are good based on the mere fact that you don’t recognize it for what it is yet that he will break your heart

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

He sounds exactly as I would expect. People don’t have the opportunity to date around and break hearts until they know how to make people like them… and that’s where the charm and perceived sweetness come into play.
Don’t feel guilty, but don’t waste your time, either.

Hibernate's avatar

I wouldn’t want to be your friend. I believe it’s saying all.

snowberry's avatar

You described yourself as a bit of a “loser”. If you feel that way now, imagine how you would feel when he hurt you (and he would if you gave him a chance)?

A suggestion: Be there for your friends because he’ll use ‘em and dump ‘em.

And by the way, I doubt anyone here thinks you’re a loser! Give yourself some time. You’ll grow and you will find an awesome young woman in the mirror one day.

spykenij's avatar

Too many girls in the mix. Sounds like nothing but trouble and a heart ache. My little sister is 11 yrs older than me, so I know for a fact that guys will do everything, including (but not limited to) acting EXACTLY how you want a good boyfriend to act. One guy tried and tried and tried with my sister and she knew he was trouble, but she eventually gave in, only for him to dump her a run of to California after high school. He would walk past the house on days she was sick and leave her flavored drinks, tissues and cough drops… ALL ONLY to get into her pants. Run, Sweety, RUN!

marinelife's avatar

You are ignoring the facts about him.

You say he is cute and sweet, but what about what he does with all of these girls?

Stay far away from him.

Listen to your head and not your hormones.

spykenij's avatar

*11 yrs younger, that is.

blueberry_kid's avatar

@Hibernate Why? Am I too happy for you?

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@spykenij I have never ever understood that. It really bugs me. If they are SO good at faking it, why can’t they just mean it and stick around to cultivate the good in another heart and actually enjoy the benefits of a real realtionship.

I don’t get liars and players at all!

snowberry's avatar

@blueberry_kid @Hibernate‘s comment could be taken 2 ways, but I doubt they were trying to insult you.

Coloma's avatar

If he insults you he can’t be nice. Period. End of story.

Always, ALWAYS look at ACTIONS and not words.

Remember love is a VERB!

LuckyGuy's avatar

I’m with @Coloma . Sorry, I don’t care how ‘cute’ he is. The first insult turned him into the toad that he is. Run! (Unless your self esteem is so low you think you deserve to be abused by a cheating toad.)
Go with the nice quiet kid sitting two rows over. He will appreciate you for who you are. He won’t cheat on you. And he will be the successful one in the future.

spykenij's avatar

I always told my sister, if you find a guy who always has his hand next to his head, he won’t break your heart. Anyone get what I’m saying?

saint's avatar

Sounds like he’s run through about everybody else. You may be the last one left. Maybe that will work to your advantage. Good luck!

Blueroses's avatar

Aw, little blue, you know how those guys have the phrase “bros before ho’s”?
Try to keep the female version in mind; “chicks before dicks.”

Even if your friend with the crush or the friend he dated before say it’s ok with them for you to go out with him, it isn’t really ok with them. It never is. Don’t sacrifice friendships for the sake of a boy, no matter how tempting he is. You’ll only regret it when he’s gone and you miss your girls.
voice of experience

Hibernate's avatar

I did, I did explain myself in private.
@snowberry ^^

Kardamom's avatar

I’m afraid you are being blinded by this boy’s physical attractiveness.

What we know: this boy is known at your school as being a player. Nice guys and nerdy/shy guys don’t get labeled as players. Players get labeled as players.

Your best friend already had her heart broken by this boy. So the boy is most likely a heartbreaker. But even if he broke up with your female friend because they just lacked anything in common, or he didn’t feel the same way about her, your female friend is still hurting. If you were to date him, now, that would be another cruel blow to her. It’s true that in life, unless you are breaking the law, you are free to do as you please and date whoever you want, but in reality, you need to learn what is socially acceptable within our bigger society (and within your smaller society of friends and classmates). Dating someone that has broken the heart of a good friend is a terrible idea. It will hurt your female friend and it will make you look like you don’t have a heart or have no sense in making a good choice about who to date.

You also said that one of your other female friends has a crush on this boy. That can only spell trouble and heartache for one or both of you ladies. It’s a horrible thing to compete with friends over a boy. One of you will lose. If you decide ahead of time never to date someone who breaks the heart of a friend, and never to go after someone when you will be competing with a friend, everyone’s heart will be better off.

You’ve said that you think he is sweet and nice, but what kind of a person insults you and makes fun of you? A mean, self centered person who doesn’t give a cr*p, that’s who. Do not try to brush off his little quips as “being cute” or “nobody understands him, he’s different.” This boy simply doesn’t care, because he doesn’t have to.

You’ve stated that he moves from girl to girl. That doesn’t make him romantic, that makes him a player. He doesn’t have to care about the girls he dates, because he knows there are a whole long line of other girls waiting to be with him. A guy like that is most likely very full of himself, and you will get dumped, eventually, just like all the other girls.

How would you feel, if you were in love with a boy and you dated him for a little while, then he dumped you and you were left heartbroken. Would you want your best friend to swoop in there and start fooling around with him? At that point, you would have not only lost the boy, you would lose your girlfriend too, because you would no longer be able to trust her to support you and care for you and treat you with respect and kindness.

It isn’t fun for anyone to have a longing for someone, with whom a real relationship is not very likely, but you owe it to yourself and to your friends to really think about what real friendship is all about, and what kind of a boy would truly make a good boyfriend (or just a good date or friend).

Looks are the least important thing, in the big picture of happiness. Unfortunately, looks are the first thing that you see when you look at a person. Do yourself a big favor now, while you are you are young and learn to look past the facade of the pretty face and get to know people for who they really are. There’s probably a couple of boys who are interested in you right now, but you can’t see them, because you’re too busy mooning over this one fellow.

Pick a smart, sensitive, interesting guy who isn’t being chased by half the female population of the school. You’ll thank yourself in the end. Be a good friend and don’t run in and try to hook up with someone who has already been with one of your friends. It’s just not nice and you’ll hurt your friend (plus you won’t be able to talk to her about the situation with out hurting her even more) and this guy is almost 99.9% likely to dump you, as soon as someone different/better comes along.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Kardamom I wish I could give you 5 GAs.
Alas, like my heart, I can only give but once. ;-)

blueberry_kid's avatar

Thank you everyone! I really needed some back up on this situation. I decided to let him go. He’s already on another girl. Tall and blonde, as usual. Why can’t he go for the average, fluffy, hispanic, red head? I really appriciate you guy’s opinion on a really big dilemma I had. Even my friend who had a crush on him is p’d off. He really isn’t worth it. Thanks everone!!! :)

Blueroses's avatar

Good girl! There’s a better one just around the corner. Maybe he’s not apparent now. Maybe he missed his bus, but he’s there for you, sweetie.

snowberry's avatar

I wonder if the tall blonde girls help to prop up his ego. He’s not looking for friendship; he’s looking for status. He’s the one with the issues.

Prediction: When he falls, he’ll fall hard and fast.

Pachy's avatar

Good for you, @blueberry_kid !!! * applause, applause *

LadyMarissa's avatar

Sweetheart…NEVER mess with a player if you don’t like getting played!!!To be honest, you are NOT emotionally ready to be friends with guy. He may be cute; but I’m pretty sure he’s NOT sweet. His sweetness is his game to get you to like him.He’s played every one of your female friends; so, I suggest that you let him just go by. He’s only going to break your heart & you’re NOT ready to deal with that yet. Actually, you should hope that he doesn’t like you. Players will pretend they like you just to get you to do what THEY want when they really don’t like you at all!!! If he thinks you don’t like him, he will work even harder to make you like him…NOT because he likes you but because he can’t accept that you don’t like him.


snowberry's avatar

@LadyMarissa said it all. Please listen.

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