Alright, you frothy, elf-skinned flap dragons! Can you create an amusing Shakespearean insult?

Frothy Goatish Loggerheaded Hedge-Pig

You droning, idle-headed…....hugger-mugger asshole!

I doubt if the grub-slicked plog-muffins that pass for pseudo-intellectual yapdogs feeding at the ink-font could put two words together in a row, much less manage to tar and feather any of the other slack-sighted type-widgets around here.

—Ok, it’s a little wrought, but what do you expect from a slack-sighted type-widget?

You frothy moldwarp wench!
Thy vessel cup has cursed me!
Fear borne of a phantom itch!
This phallus now crimson!
Pus flows as the River Thames!
You succulent succubus!

( in other words I hate your vagina because I got crabs )

Thy quilt
doth wilt.

Unhand her thou ruttish pox-marked mumble-news!

Hehehe, keep them up! You guys are great!

You mewling fen-sucked dewberry of a man!

You pusillanimous offspring of a toad and a goat!

Er, not without using the word “petard” and I would hate to offend . . . (terrorists and others) . . .

@marinelife I love that word, but I never want to use it because I’ll sound like a douche lol.

You yeasty pox-marked maggot-pie!

(I am a little shocked that Shakespear didn’t use the term “penis-holster”)

Thou rank foolish incestuous shrewd wench!

You should be women and yet your beards forbid me to interpret that you are so…

Your breath smells so good you attract stinging insects.,,

Fuckin assholes.

Kay I’ll try better.

’‘looks at list’’ Maggot pie lol.

When thy mother hast released the last night’s sup from her pustuled backside whilst fornicating with a dung wagon manipulator on thy day of birth, thou hath been cursed with existence from such a holy unification! End thy life now, ye misbegotten malformation, for the best of part of thou hath ran down her leg and hath given the Devil shame! Maggot pie!

Anybody know any actual old English? I’d love to know where hast and hath come in. I’m pretty sure I did it wrong, and it doth bug me.

@Symbeline Goodness. I love you.

@KateTheGreat I like Shakespeare a lot, but I have to give credit for what I came up with to Victorian vampire literature and Lee Ermey. XD

How dare you impute my honor you diseased rhinoceros turd. You vile, maggot infested, half-witted, maniacal, homicidal, sphincter licker.

@Hypocrisy_Central That’s it.

You need to star as a badass samurai in a movie. :)

I’m detecting a tremendous lack of Iambic Pentameter

@King_Pariah Thou hath offended my lack of hnour; unsheathe thy blade, curr!

@Hypocrisy_Central I could use your katana right about now…

Fuck meter… I say this as a poet.

@Symbeline This website shows what Old English used to look/sound like and has a sample from Beowulf’s prologue about ¾ down.

Hey, cool! Thanks for the link. :) I might have to reconstruct my answer…

Thou art a wretched fool, fight with a blade?
Nay, I shall smite thee wench with chivalry.

:P