Ranting and advice?

I have nobody to rant to. I am unmotivated to do anything. I feel like I want to accomplish something before I die. I want to be a help to everyone and do the right things but it’s sometimes hard, and I’ve been very hormonal lately.And I hate religion. and christmas. I hate christmas. I hate all holidays except for halloween. I like dressing up. I hate how people judge me for how I dress. I was holding hands with my friend, (we’re both girls) and we walked outside and took a walk holding hands, and so many people stared at us. and gave us dirty looks. and that just proves how homophobic this place is. also, I really love this girl, and it’s not the one I was holding hands with. But another girl. She says she isn’t bi anymore, and thinks shes straight, but she was never really 100% straight, but shes not a lesbian, so I think she is bi but in denial about her sexual orientation or very confused. I miss her so much. and I realized today, that I’ve been thinking about her the whole day. We barely talk, her internet sucks.. I just wish we could be together. She is so beautiful, inteligent, and just.. so down to earth. We can relate to eachother so much, and we’re hanging out next friday (which most likely won’t happen because her plans always change.) sometimes I feel like I just feel like I don’t like men at all, and just like girls but yeah. I’m also confused about my orientation. I love her so much and I am not going to force her to love me back so i’m not telling her. also I don’t want to ruin our friendship.I have to take things so slow.