Is it normal for it to sting when you find your ex is in a new relationship?

Very normal. If you kind of sailed through your break up the last 8 months, I have no idea if you did, then this sort of thing can trigger some grief stages that you might have skipped over.

Both of you invested a lot of time and emotions in the relationship. It is normal to feel bad. I mean if one doesn’t care at all then that person never cared for that relationship at all.

I mean, my ex and I still would like to remain in touch but on boundaries and not A LOT where it affects our relationships with our current significant others.

I don’t know why it hurts. I just found out today. But psychologically speaking, why would I be so hurt if I don’t want him back? I’m in a happy better relationship. I feel like even though me and my ex aren’t a match it doesn’t mean I don’t care about him and I feel like I always will in some kind of way…..

@chelle21689 Well, if you two were still in touch, probably part of you was still getting positive reinforcement and attention from him. Now his attention will be directed towards someone else. For many years your picture of the future was with him, so you might have accepted you two are no longer together, and you might have accepted you are with someone else, but maybe you have not had in your brain he will be with someone else. Honestly, after a 6 year relationship I would say it takes a good two years to be able to be friends with an ex and feel fine with them dating someone else. Of couse that would vary depending on the individuals and the situation.

It’s completely natural to feel that way. It brings all sorts of feelings bubbling to the surface. It’ll take time to get used to :)

You really think things would be better? I just wish I wasn’t sad and that I am happy for him that he found someone. I wish I could reach that point.

I’d like to hear some of your experiences if you can tell me some…I’ve never gone through a break up and had to deal with this. lol

Yes.

Depends on how the split between the two of you came about, and whose initiative the split was.
Suppose it was your boyfriend’s initiative and the reason of incompatibility was that you didn’t meet his level of expectations and he couldn’t meet yours it could be stingy to find out about him being in a new relationship because it could suggest that there is now a girl who, apparently, does meet his expectations in other words, another girl beats you.
But this is of course pure presumption.

@chelle21689 I had to stop talking to my ex for a very long time. When it happened to me it was different because I was not dating anyone yet.i really became a wreck knowing he was with someone else.

I think so. It’s hard to find out people who don’t make it with you can make it with other partners and especially so in these times where many of us stay interconnected through social media where we get to see images and quips from mutual friends and what not about the other person’s happiness or good fortune.

Is it possible to become friends with an ex and not care about who they’re with after a period of time of accepting it? I want to reach the point where it doesn’t hurt and I’m happy for him.

Yes, it is possible. But it also depends on how much time you invested, how you broke up, and how much emotional work you did afterwards.

It seems like even though you broke up, and you had a new boyfriend, your ex was still returning your calls and being friendly. Now that he didn’t, you realize you are no longer the most important person in his life. It sounds like you really hadn’t thought of him being with another woman and no longer being at your call.

Having to process all that is part of breaking up. It would have been something to deal with sooner or later.

Yes, it’s very normal. No matter how much a person lives his life and make decisions pragmatically, we will always be more emotional rather than rational, at least in those first five minutes of hearing that news. News that may not necessarily hurt us but elicit what could be a tinge of regret or sadness. Very natural indeed for human beings.

And with regards to your question whether its possible for you to feel happy for your ex eventually, well, yes by all means. The fact that you did not end your relationship hurling ill feelings and curses towards each other would make it even more possible and the healing or adjustment process much quicker.

It’s very normal for you to feel this way for a few reasons. As I recall, your first boyfriend kind of broke up with you out of the blue or at least you felt like he did. It wasn’t a mutual breakup, so even though you have a new fellow that you really like, it still feels kind of awful to have been broken up with, when you didn’t want that in the first place.

The other reason it feels so awful, is because that guy was your first boyfriend, not your 3rd or your 20th. The first one will always be a guage in which you compare other situations.

Another reason, is because your ex kind of hid this information from you by not taking your calls. He may have wanted to spare your feelings, or he may have felt guilty, but either way, he was kind of secretive about it and that always sucks.

And somewhere back in the recesses of your mind, even though you don’t want to get back together with your ex, part of you still wishes that it could have worked out. It’s still a loss, no matter how you look at it.

A lot of people, myself included, find the idea of being just friends with an ex, an especially repulsive idea. If I was in love with a guy and then we broke up, whatever is left is always going to be less than ideal and most often is something really unpleasant. You are never really just friends with an ex, even if you want to word it that way. One person is always going to be the dumped party, and that in and of itself can be humiliating at worst, and just plain sad at it’s best. The other person may not think of you at all, or he may not give 2 sh*ts about you anymore, or he might become overly friendly in an attempt to negate the fact that you were a couple at all or he might want you to become buddy buddy with his new girlfriend so that he won’t have to feel bad for breaking up with you (as though he’s doing you a favor). For me, any of those options is just plain horrific and I’d rather not see the person or have any contact with them, anymore. But that’s just me.

It’s good to outwardly let him and everyone else know that you are happy for him that he’s found someone new, but it’s also OK to feel sad and crummy about your breakup with him, even though those are two separate things. Just try not to let your new boyfriend know that you still feel sad when you think about the breakup. It has nothing to do with him, but he’s likely to think that it does, or that he somehow doesn’t measure up.

If you have to see your ex, for whatever reason, just plan ahead for what quick, polite response you will give him and then make for a quick, polite exit. Always be cordial and nice to him and to his new girlfriend. And if you’re new boyfriend is with you, be polite and kind to him too by introducing him as “My boyfriend, Rex” so it will be clear to all parties who he is, but don’t flaunt it, and don’t allow yourself to get engaged in much more than a quick polite sentence or two with the ex (whether you’re alone or with your boyfriend) But if you’re sweet and polite and don’t have an ugly scowl or sad frown on your face when you see her you will look like a class act.

lol well he lives across the country so i’ll never see him again.

@chelle21689 Well, there you go then : )

@chelle21689 Definitely. Usually after some time has passed you can be friends again and it doesn’t matter that they are with someone else.

Yes, normal.

Thanks everyone. Makes me feel better.