Social Question

chelle21689's avatar

Is it bad to like someone a bit more for their looks?

Asked by chelle21689 (7646points) November 9th, 2011

Here’s an example for me. I think my boyfriend has a good personality overall. I like the way he moves, sounds, and he makes me laugh a lot. We mesh pretty well together. He is active and adventurous which I like a lot because he pushes me off my lazy butt to do more things I’ve always wanted to do. He’s also so considerate and unselfish. Also very sweet and affectionate.

Even though I like who he is, I hate to admit I think I like his looks more than his personality. I find him very good looking. He has flaws like crooked teeth, not the smoothest skin with some acne scars, he’s only 5’9, he’s pretty thin with some muscular build, he doesn’t have a big **** but I think I find him handsome. He has a nice square jaw, nice smile, cute little nose, and I love his dark eyebrows LOL they’re like really thick but neat and frame his soft brown eyes very nicely. When he doesn’t gel his hair and grows out his facial hair I find him “kinda cute” in a hobo way hahaha but when he shaves and does his hair he’s like a perfect 10 to me.

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18 Answers

tedd's avatar

No it’s not a bad thing. In fact you’re being romantically involved with him, you should be physically attracted.

Where it becomes a problem is when all the other mental/personality stuff is a terrible match, and you’re allowing that to slide because of the looks.

thesparrow's avatar

aww, that’s sweet. I find my own BF attractive too even though some people don’t think so. And I find specific features he has to be attractive in much the same way you’ve described it.

chelle21689's avatar

I feel like it’s shallow of me.

Blackberry's avatar

No, how do you think we initially become attracted to someone?

chelle21689's avatar

I know, but I thought we’re supposed to love someone more so for their personality than how they look?

Blackberry's avatar

@chelle21689 I think it’s just a saying people use to just say “the right thing”. I assume it becomes more important when we’re older, though.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I think that it is possible for attraction to grow when we like someone or care for them. I think being attracted to someone is a plus in a relationship, whether that has grown over time or been there since the first moment you laid eyes on them.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

I feel like it’s shallow of me. SHALLOW, SHALLOW, SHALLOW! That is IMO, on of the most overused, and misapplied word around. I think it was coined by unattractive people to try to make themselves feel better because the attractive people got all the looks, and the dates. WE ALL are geared to want and choose things that look better, or is pretty. We have been taught that since before we knew what pretty was. If someone was handing out free stuff, if you passed on a larger or shinier one, some adult would tell you, why didn’t you get the blue one, it was shinier. If there were the choice of cars to travel in, most will pass up the car with a little rust, and rough edges even if it ran like a Swiss watch.

The way people are usually picked are no different. You are at a friend’s BBQ you are not going to be thinking what the personality of that fat girl by the potato salad is like, your eyes are on the cute slender woman by the drinks. That dumpy guy talking to the person grilling the burgers could be Mensa smart and a millionaire wit a quick wit; means nothing when you put him up against the hansom young chiseled ne’er do well.

The mistake is when people found out that flaky pie with the golden crust is only half-filled, and not tasty, they keep eating it anyway, because it looks like a good meal.

So, long as he has some substance to go with his flash, then more power to you.

chelle21689's avatar

Thanks, makes me feel better to know. I liked the line “So, long as he has some substance to go with his flash, then more power to you.”

Of course, there are good-looking guys that I was no longer attracted to because of personality. Looks are definitely not everything but I think they are somewhat important.

CWOTUS's avatar

It would be shallow if the only thing that you liked about him was his looks.

It would be shallow if, though he were perfect in every other way: intellectually, emotionally, maturity-wise, thoughtful and considerate – and you then rejected him in favor of someone who “looked better”, but you didn’t know anything else about. Or if you simply rejected him for his visible flaws, such as crooked teeth and acne scars (to name the ones you mentioned).

flutherother's avatar

Judging people for their good looks might be shallow, but liking the way one particular person looks can run very deep.

Facade's avatar

I think you have a healthy appreciation for your boyfriend; nothing to worry about there.

thesparrow's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central How odd I seem to have chosen the dumpy one.. of course, he’d probably be grilling the burgers, making the salad AND baking the potatoes.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Don’t know. Is it bad for you? It’d be bad for me, ‘cause I must be inspired by a person intellectually and find them attractive.

chelle21689's avatar

What do you mean be inspired by intellectually? Be able to teach you things? Make you want to be a better person? Make your mind work?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@chelle21689 Get my brain worked up, get me excited by their ideas, challenge me on mine, interact with me on a level others are simply unable to. Stuff like that.

chelle21689's avatar

Hm, I rarely meet people like that. My ex was able to hold very interesting conversation because he thinks differently but he lacked a lot of affection and other things I looked for in a relationship.

thesparrow's avatar

@chelle21689 I feel like that too sometimes in my relationship. Definitely the more rational and I’m more affective.

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