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janbb's avatar

When have you been blindsided by something in your life?

Asked by janbb (58018points) November 12th, 2011

Something happened that you just didn’t see coming. How did you cope with it?

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22 Answers

Bellatrix's avatar

My ex refused to sign the forms so my children could attend my wedding. We didn’t get married in Australia. I had to go to court to get the papers signed to get them passports. I had written to my ex, given him all the info and he just said no or he ignored all communication.

I get in court and I was very nervous. Never had to go to court before. My ex is attending by phone and he said “I have no objection, I don’t know why it has come to this. She just needs to give me the dates and the flight details (all of which had been provided). I have asked her for this and she just refuses to keep me informed”. I was so stunned, I was speechless. He totally lied. I was flicking through my paperwork to find the evidence to show I did send him all that info and his response but I was so shocked, I couldn’t find it! The judge was really critical of my behaviour and I just had to stand there and take it because I couldn’t find the emails proving he was lying. The judge told him he had to sign the papers but it was so humiliating. Taught me a big lesson though. Be prepared for anything and have your paperwork tagged so you can find things easily.

bluejay's avatar

I was blindsided when my friend threatened to kill me if I ratted him out for plotting to kill another person. He was in turn blindsided when I ratted him out despite his most serious threat. I was then blindsided when the school counselor invited this very serious wanna-be-killer into the same room as me to talk about things! That was some scary baffling out of nowhere s**t!

MilkyWay's avatar

I very badly broke my ankle in two places, had to go through “complicated” surgery and had to go through 3 months of bed rest. It was like my whole life had been put on stop. When I broke it (playing football) I didn’t realise it was broken. Only found out after I had the X-ray done and it was quite shocking to know how it was broken.
How did I cope with it? I stayed strong and decided not to stress over it too much. Even though every day was a constant reminder of what had happened, I thought to myself : You can’t really change what happened, so it’s best to just get on with it.

JLeslie's avatar

I was blindsided by an illness I never in a million years thought I would get. It caused me chronic pain and interferred with my ability to have sex. I went to therapists after I realized it was not going away so fast to try and cope better, medical doctors were not helping me, and the first two suggested I had a psychological hang up about sex or maybe was too close to my father! I went to therapy to deal with my depression and anxiety about having a chronic illness, and coping with what comes with that. I had been having sex for 8 years already when this started, I didn’t have any hang ups. This idea that it could be all in my head, including medical doctors thinking this; meant I stayed in pain much much longer than necessary. Finally after years I found a doctor who believed me. Biopsies and other procedures proved I had something really wrong.

The worst part of the whole thing was dealing with the medical community. It was worse than the difficulties and obstacles it presented in my marriage and job.

To top everything off it is most likely what caused my infertility. If I had been treated in the beginning I may have the children I always thought I would by now.

tedibear's avatar

At one point, both of my parents were in the hospital. (1994.) My father had had heart trouble since 1975 and he was going in for his second bypass surgery. His first was in 1984. At the same time, my mother was in the hospital and we didn’t have a diagnosis for her yet. All of us were worried about both of them, but more immediately about our father. Approximately a week after my dad’s surgery, we got mom’s diagnosis. Stage four Hodgkin’s disease with a life expectancy of approximately six months. She lived six weeks after that. My mom was someone who always recovered from whatever physical ailments that she had. To lose her that quickly was a shock.

The other time was the end of my first marriage. We were supposed to go look at houses that night after four years of apartment living. I came home from work and he was already home. He was sitting in the semi-dark living room and told me that he had something to tell me. My first comment was, “You quit your job?” about which I was rather hopeful. He just shook his head and told me that he wanted a divorce. Not a separation, not “I think I want a divorce,” but “I want a divorce.” I was not expecting it in any way, shape or form. For the rest of the conversation I felt as though I were watching it as well as participating in it. Unlike my mother’s death, this was for the best.

CaptainHarley's avatar

There was a period in my life when it seemed as though all I GOT was “blindsided.” First by a near-fatal military parachuting accident, then by the military not paying me anything for months, then by being diagnosed with incurable cancer, then by my ex-wife filing for divorce so she could marry a guy from her church. I lost all motivation and was just kind of waiting to die until I met Vicky. She loved me when I thought that no woman would ever love me again. She asked ME to marry HER even though she knew everything there was to know about me, which was a really DELIGHTFUL incident of being “blindsided!” : D

augustlan's avatar

Sure, plenty of times. Bad and good instances. I was literally blindsided when I was walking across a very big road, thinking it was all clear, and BOOM a car hit me. I never saw the car, before or after it happened. One minute I was walking, the next I was on the ground. I got off lucky, though, so it was just dealing with crutches and pain for a few months.

I certainly didn’t expect to be born into a family that would abuse me and/or condone that abuse. Many, many smaller examples of being blindsided reside within this largest one. I dealt with it by surviving, firstly, and with lots and lots of therapy later on.

The best example of being blindsided in a good way, was finding love after my divorce. I was adamant that I would never marry again, or even have a serious relationship. Naturally, I ended up falling in love with the very first guy I dated after my separation. Scared the shit out of both of us (he had made the same vows I had… “Never again!”). He accepted it a lot quicker than I did, though. I dealt with it by denying it was happening, then accepting that it was; refusing to move in with him, then finally moving in; and refusing to marry him, then saying “Fuck I’m being ridiculously stubborn about this whole thing”. I decided to throw caution (and fear) to the wind, and married him. It was a good decision.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I’m a healthy guy. Ideal BMI, never smoked, great shape, no pains, no drug use, no addictions or diseases, all parts working perfectly.
And then, as part of a regular physical, I had a PSA test that indicated I had a prostate more rotten than a congressman.

Hey, on the bright side, I found Fluther because of it.

perspicacious's avatar

@CaptainHarley @worriedguy Gosh, no warning at all. I hope you both are able to manage this. Admittedly I do not know very much about it.

perspicacious's avatar

The loss of a loved one turned me upside down.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@perspicacious I was in great shape, not overweight. I had absolutely no problems. No pains, no “performance” problems, quite active sexually. My usual 5 year physicals were all healthy. My doc ordered the normal blood tests for cholesterol, etc. but did not believe in the PSA test because he read a European study that said there are false positives that result in over-treatment. My first PSA test was required by a life insurance company so I could get coverage.
They would not cover me but they did save my life. Do I love them or hate them?

Oh and my doc now believes in the PSA test. (He’s my age and knows his numbers.)
Guys, if you are over 45, make sure you know your PSA. If you are already going for a complete physical with blood work, make sure your doc orders the PSA screening test. If the doc doesn’t, kick him in the nuts for me.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@worriedguy Amen, bro! I second that most heartily!

Mariah's avatar

No healthy fourteen year old girl expects to get hit with a chronic, lifelong condition. Hell, I didn’t even understand the implications of the diagnosis when I woke up from my colonoscopy. I thought they were going to give me some pills to take and that would be that. So I was pretty blindsided when the pills didn’t do anything except give me side effects and I proceeded to miss a month of school and get hospitalized and receive blood transfusions. That kind of stuff just doesn’t happen when you’re fourteen. At least, it shouldn’t.

Then when I got well I deluded myself into thinking it would never come back again, which just set me up to get blindsided again when I was sixteen and it did come back, and worse. And I was really blindsided when the pain that the emergency room doctor had told me was either from overexertion or a side effect of medication turned out to be sepsis and I went into septic shock and almost died. Again, I didn’t understand how sick I was. It wasn’t until I got home from the hospital and Googled sepsis that I understood what had happened to me.

After that I got wise and it never surprised me when I got sick again. Because, unfortunately, I had come to expect it.

CaptainHarley's avatar

You were lucky to have survived the sepsis. That should make you appreciate life more, just like almost getting killed several times did for me. [ HUGGGGGGGGS ]

Mariah's avatar

Oh I know I was. Extremely lucky. And I do. I don’t waste time quite the way I used to. Thanks. [HUGS!]

CaptainHarley's avatar

You know, if your doctor agrees, one of the best things you could do for yourself is to engage in strenuous physical exercise at least three times a week for about 30 minutes each time. : )

SuperMouse's avatar

Most recently I was blindsided by my ex-husband’s all out campaign to ruin mine and my husband’s (and by extension our children’s) lives. It started with a petition for full custody, then there was an “anonymous” call to CPS, talking my car, causing me to lose my house, asking the DMV to revoke my husband’s drivers license. It was really one shocking attack after another. Of course nowadays I am no longer blindsided by anything he does, I have come to expect it.

chyna's avatar

@SuperMouse What a dick! I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that.

Raven_Rising's avatar

One of our neighbors found out he had cancer. He went through chemo and everything seemed to go well. The doctors gave him a good bill of health and he was admitted to have the colostomy bag removed. He was recovering nicely and the hospital was going to release him a day early…but he never made it home. We were devastated, as was his family.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

When my grandfather became very ill in his retirement home. They said they were going to move him to hospice where he would get intensive care to help him feel better. I didn’t know what hospice was, didn’t know that’s where people are moved when they are expected to die very soon. By the time I realized this, I immediately booked flights for my mother and myself but he died the day before we could leave. I was so angry but also feeling irresponsible for not knowing about hospice in the first place. I’ve always felt my mother blames me a bit for us not being able to be with him as he passed.

JessicaRabbit's avatar

Spent the night at one of my best friends house and had to leave early in the morning. When I woke up she was crying. I didn’t really have enough time to really talk to her, to really make her feel better. I was in a rush. I tried to cheer her up quickly before I left. I made her smile before I ran out the door. Little did I know it would be the last time I would see her. She passed away a month after. Then four months after she passed, I got into a bit of a tiff on the phone with my Dad and hung up on his ear. I felt bad. I sent him a text right after, saying I was sorry and I loved him and to call me back but he didn’t and he died four days later. Just pisses me off when I think about it out of all the nice things we would say to each other, THAT was our last conversation. I have learned from this though, I don’t take anything for granted anymore. You live you learn.

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