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chelle21689's avatar

How is it possible that people aren't opinionated?

Asked by chelle21689 (7646points) November 16th, 2011

I think I mentioned on Fluther before that my bf was really quiet, but as we got to know each other over the past several months he can open up more. He likes to joke and play with me and he says what’s on his mind that is random which is nice.

I noticed that with his conversation style he can talk about things that he knows about and experiences. Things like cars, sports, bugs, video games, childhood experience, family, etc. but he has a hard time talking about things that require more of an opinion and creative thinking.

I try to ask him what he thinks happens after we die, what his beliefs are, “what if” or “what would you do” questions, etc. I asked him “Who would be your team if there was a zombie apocalpyse?” These type of questions he’d take forever to think and come up with an answer like “I don’t know..” or “I guess bob and bill because they seem fast i guess”

I’ll say “How do u know they’re fast?” he’ll respond “When we play football” (which I already know they do and we discussed sports before)

I think he knows how I feel because he’ll say “I don’t know….I guess I don’t know isn’t a good enough answer for you huh? I can see you’re disappointed” Most of the questions like religion or after life, aliens, or whatever he has never thought about before.

But he can talk about ghosts because he’s more interested in that topic but I’m scared of ghost stories LOL

By the way it’s very difficult for him to even write a one page paper for school

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11 Answers

tom_g's avatar

How old are you and your boyfriend?

chelle21689's avatar

He’s 21 and I’m 22 :)

marinelife's avatar

It sounds like there is an intellectual gap between you and your boyfriend. He will never change and be interested in what you are interested in.

Therefore, you have to decide if you love him enough to continue seeing him (and if you will love him anyway forever) or if your interest in him will fade in time because he does not think about these other types of things or care about them.

In the case of the latter, you should break up with him.

chelle21689's avatar

Intellectual doesn’t mean smart does it? He is smarter than me in a lot of different things where he teaches me how to do a lot of things and I admit I can be a ditz sometimes. So it can’t be that I’m smarter than him. I’ve never met anyone where they didn’t think about death or didn’t have an idea of what they wish heaven would be like.

Marinelife, we have other things in common but I just would like to expand more on topics. You really think it’s an interest thing? I’m not interested in cars which he loves but I try to talk about it by asking questions and stuff. I feel stupid when we talk about cars. Maybe he feels the same way.

marinelife's avatar

He is smart, but in a different, more practical way.

If he does not think about or wonder about those things, you can not get him to start. So, you need to think down the road, how you feel talking about cars in five years, ten years?

blueiiznh's avatar

Opinions are like a-holes, everyone has one.
Some people just don’t like to show theirs.

wundayatta's avatar

You’re asking him about things he probably doesn’t know that much about. He probably doesn’t think about death all that much. Some people don’t think it’s a worthwhile endeavor because, when it comes down to it, there’s not a lot you can do about it. So maybe he believes there’s no point in thinking about it.

People have topics they are knowledgeable about, and topics where they know nothing. There are very few, if any, people who know something about just about everything. So most people can’t talk about everything. You can’t expect that, and it is not really fair to push people to have an opinion about something they know nothing about.

You are in a new relationship and you are dealing with the issue of different areas of knowledge. Most couples do have such differences. The question is whether you have both enough common interests and tolerance of the other person’s interests to keep the good feelings going.

If you are going to feel like he’s boring because of what he doesn’t know, there will be a problem somewhere down the line. So this is something to talk about with him. It’s something to figure out. What do you need? Does it bother you or can you accept it? Based on the answers to these questions, you figure out where you want to go next.

From what you say, he sounds like a stand-up guy. I think it sounds like you like him well enough. But if you want more, then by all means, let him go and try to find someone better.

Sunny2's avatar

I’m thinking that I’m kind of like him and my husband is like you. He is always asking about things that are a matter of opinion or philosophy. I state my opinions if I have them. I never took to philosophy much. I couldn’t care about the tree falling in the forest and no one hearing it. To me there was a scientific answer and that was that. Why fuss? My son was like him and they would talk into the night about stuff like that. My daughter was more like me in her thinking. It’s a different approach to intellectual life. I do not like to argue. I make decisions more quickly. By the way, we’ve been married 49¾ years. You’ll have friends who like to think like you do.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m to going to take a stab here and say your adult and intelligent bf isn’t interested in those topics you’ve brought up or else they’re things he’s thought of and pushed aside as not so important at an earlier time in his life.

There are friends I have (husband too) who are gamers and can take enthusiastically about scenarios, characters, techniques and so on that bore me to death so I try to not talk about it with them. I avoid asking my husband to talk with me about a particular antique genre because his extent of interest is, “I like your style baby”. It means he likes what he sees but doesn’t need to study.

Do you both share a passion? Not every couple is supposed to in order to be a loving couple but it is pretty fun. Go easy on him until the both of you talk more about your individual interests.

dannyc's avatar

I have learned over time that my interest in stuff is only rarely shared by others. I seek people like me on web sites like this so I can hear, and be heard. It is not necessary that other friends, family or spouse shares my interest in this. We find areas we can explore our life together. It works fine as I never worry about being me, or them being who they are. I reflect on their strengths and hope they do the same of me. For my or their weaknesses or eccentricities, we have a good laugh.

chelle21689's avatar

Opinions are like assholes everyone has one and it stinks? lol I heard that before. I guess I’d like a in between but there’s no such thing. My ex was very opinionated, and with opinionated people I think they tend to be a smarty pants thinking they’re right and you’re wrong..very hard to deal with sometimes. LOL

I think he is a very fun and adventurous person, active and always trying new things. I love that about him…we have fun together and laugh a lot. Honestly yeah sometimes I wish we can talk about certain things that I think I’ll wonder about from time to time but I don’t think I could ever end it over this. If it comes to a point where I’m uncomfortable and frustrated a lot and it strains the relationship then I’m out.

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