Social Question

Jude's avatar

You know someone who's wife lost a good deal of her hair due to chemo or extreme stress, she finally gets it styled and colored (with what hair she has left) and her husband tells her it looks terrible; how would that make you feel?

Asked by Jude (32134points) November 17th, 2011

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

25 Answers

janbb's avatar

Uh – let me think; Furious!

Jude's avatar

My sister has been through 5 years of hell. She is starting to get her life back and slowly getting back to her old self. She is trying to hard and her fuckhead of a husband does this.

Jude's avatar

I just about lost her a week ago.

Blackberry's avatar

Well, that’s obviously pretty messed up. Let’s hope he doesn’t pull a Gingrich and cheat on her as well. Why stay with him?

Mat74UK's avatar

The dude didn’t deserve her mate!

Jude's avatar

I finished spending three days with her and started to see a happier person. She danced around for the first time in 3 years and we laughed so much. I busted my ass for her because I want her to be happy.

harple's avatar

It wouldn’t matter right now how I felt, though I would take the opportunity to tell him he’s being a dick, what matters now is how your sister feels, and I would try to focus my attention on making her feel better about herself with her f*wit of a husband…. at least for the now… Hugs, it’s a horrible situation.

Jude's avatar

She’s a beautiful woman with an amazing personality. They’re marriage is rocky and he’s treated her like crap throughout her struggles. She could do so much better. I hope that she realizes that.

FutureMemory's avatar

What a total prick. Insensitive people are the worst…grrrrr!

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

There are women who would laugh it off and possibly agree with their spouse. There are others that would be upset by this brutal honesty. It’s about how your sister handles this opinion that matters…not yours or mine.

As angry as you might feel about the BIL’s comment, it doesn’t help your sister out to share your feelings unless she asks for your advice. Right now, she has more important things, like her health, to focus on rather than a comment that offends you.

With that said, it is understandable how you feel. Your three days with her and the laughter was exactly what she needed. Hang in there dear friend. Cancer and the treatments means a roller coaster ride for the whole family. I’ve been in your shoes, and my heart goes out to you.

chyna's avatar

He’s a total dick.

Coloma's avatar

Insensitive to say the least, but, if he has been that way for years and she’s stayed with him…well….just another brick hurled at her wifely wall.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’d say he’s either an insensitive half wit or they are so comfortable in their marriage and communication that he knows she’d take it as only about the haircut.

Jude's avatar

She’s been sick. Things have started to improve and I hope that she will move on. It is more complicated @Coloma than you think.

Coloma's avatar


I’m not thinking anything other than it sounds like she puts up with abuse. I hope she heals from her illness and has the strength to take inventory of her situation.
To be gravely ill and to be abused is a very serious thing.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

well people are terrible at dealing with their loved one’s cancer and too often this manifests in asinine things said

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I would be absolutely livid, and I’d make it a point to tell the husband that I think he’s an insensitive fucktard.

blueiiznh's avatar

Sorry to hear all she has gone through and then have a dick-head comment like that be made.

He should think about what if the roles were reversed. DickWad!


The guy keeps envisioning his wife to be the woman before she had cancer and chemo. The ordeal of cancer was very stressful for the woman, but it wasn’t fun and games for the husband either. He said an idiotic thing. Sometimes when people have gone through a lot of stress, they say the wrong things at the wrong time. He may be venting his own stress, and in the process, hurt his wife mindlessly. Still, it was very wrong of him to say that.

blueiiznh's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES I agree with you, but after 5 years he has to accept the reality at some point.


@blueiiznh After 5 years? Huh? But I think the dude was still under stress, like we all are sometimes, and say the wrong things at the wrong time, even to the people we love——because stress often makes us do irrational things.

blueiiznh's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES I completely agree that they both are under stress. It however in my opinion does not give a person an excuse.

everephebe's avatar

I think he was being honest-
-ly insensitive.


@blueiiznh I think stress is an excuse, don’t you think? It sometimes makes us say irrational, even hurtful things. It was wrong, but in some cases it can’t be helped. ;)

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther