General Question

nocountry2's avatar

What are some things you do to "get back in the groove" with your SO?

Asked by nocountry2 (3684points) May 15th, 2008 from iPhone

‘Cause we all go through slumps, or weird disconnects…

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

37 Answers

psyla's avatar

Yelling louder seems to help. Whoever is louder wins and the other one has to be quiet. Then everything becomes fine. It takes alot of work but I can be the loudest if I put in alot of effort.

nocountry2's avatar

Hmm…not a yeller. Any other tips?

psyla's avatar

Dining out always works! Sex doesn’t hurt. Don’t buy gifts, they always raise suspicion… Do something nice! My favorite is to be accompanied to the hospital when I have a killer headache or a killer stomach virus at midnight. I really appreciate it when someone stays with me when I’m vomitting. That’s a true friend.

whatthefluther's avatar

Well, in my case, it seems that if I stop yelling, stop cursing, stop calling her names and stop threatening to throw her out of the house, things can be pretty darn good around here!

nocountry2's avatar

Jesus what kind of tumultous relationships do you people have?? I’m talking about slump, not yelling and cursing make-ups…

psyla's avatar

Always try to laugh and enjoy it after yelling & cursing like you were just kidding & cursing only for fun. Have a sense of humor when screaming. That way, nothing is taken too seriously.

jrpowell's avatar

Romantic weekend? Some time away from the normal bullshit that accompanies daily life may help energize your relationship. Flowers are always good too.

psyla's avatar

I agree with johnpowell. For getting out of a slump it also helps to go out in a group with friends so you can be together but not be locked into having only each other to talk to.

wildflower's avatar

What I do is: install a temporary WoW ban! Cook a nice meal, light a few candles, and listen to music instead of watching telly and talk while sharing a bottle or two of wine.

Also, a short get-a-way to a fancy hotel, a new city or a scenic area can work wonders.

sccrowell's avatar

@whatthefluther,
I think my SO must be your brother… lol

jrpowell's avatar

And if you do get private time don’t talk about money. It is amazing how much time that topic can spend overpowering a conversation. Use the time to ask how they are doing and share how you are doing.

And I don’t know if you are dating, living together, or married. My advice leans toward the latter.

BirdlegLeft's avatar

@wildflower, not the WoW band. (Insert crass comment here.) Totally kidding. I actually try to limit myself to the nights my wife works.

hearkat's avatar

Road trip!

I’ve said it in other questions before… getting out of the familiar and going to a new place will usually bring you closer together, because you rely on each other to navigate and explore.

Other than a new place, sometimes it’s nice to return to a place where fond memories were made.

wildflower's avatar

@birdlegleft
mumble and grumble all you want, you know it’s necessary :p
Not sure how it works in your house, but at mine…..let’s just say we very rarely fight for the remote! He’s got his screen and I’ve got mine…

kevbo's avatar

Foot rub. A good one.

BirdlegLeft's avatar

@wildflower, I wasn’t really grumbling, just giving you shit. I have my addiction well under control now. But, I do really throw myself in when a game is new. To be honest, I think my wife has a harder time putting down the laptop. Our solution; backyard firepit, beer and wine.

wildflower's avatar

@birdlegleft
I know – just giving back ;)
I like the way you added “now” at the end of that….but you’re right, BBQ season is a good cure.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Take E with your SO. If that doesnt get you guys closer, nothing will.

I dont know if thats your thing or not, but a nice time alone with them on E can be great for you guys. Just sit around, talk, and enjoy each others company.

BirdlegLeft's avatar

@uberbatman, to be honest, I’ve thought about it, but I’m not sure it’s my thing.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Yea, dont do it unless your sure about it. You have to go into stuff like that with a good attitude or you really wont have a good time. I can tell you this though. If you do end up doing it, and actually get good stuff, you wont regret it. The night i did it with my girlfriend was easily one of the best nights ive ever had.

jrpowell's avatar

Batman.. The person asking the question could be 50 years old. I’m sure there is some sort of Moore’s Law when it comes to finding drugs as you age. For every ten years you age it becomes six times as hard to score dope.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Very true JP but then again old hippies always get the good shit ^_^.

I cant say for sure because i dont know, but i wouldnt imagine nocountry2 to be all that old because they asked a question about Drum ‘n Bass last week. Exactly the scene where one would find E.

jrpowell's avatar

Go outside Batman..

El_Cadejo's avatar

ouch. Im actually going and spending the next 4 days at a music festival out in the woods so there :P

I was actually looking to see if nocountry2 answered any of the age questions and saw that one in her profile.

Besides you have double my points. You go outside.

jrpowell's avatar

I’m getting paid right now. Americans work hard? The nerdy ones don’t.

nikipedia's avatar

I had an ex-boyfriend who would buy me a small gift or do something nice for me every time he was mad at me. A little manipulative, yes, but a good way to break a cycle of bickering and crankiness. So maybe rather than wait for SO to sweep you off your feet, do something awesome and selfless for him and see what fruit that bears.

LunaFemme's avatar

I just got a text message from my husband that he has made dinner reservations for us tomorrow night @ Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. He is so getting lucky tomorrow!!! Hopefully, we’ll be celebrating a change in medication after 5 of the worst months ever!!!

And, believe it or not, but I’ve been feeling more connected emotionally since I’ve been giving my husband more pity sex lately. When I say I’m numb from the waist down, I mean everywhere. So, sex has become much more emotional for me lately since it really doesn’t do anything physically.

scamp's avatar

I agree with hearkat. A road trip is a great idea! You could rent a motorhome for the weekend, and take a trip somewhere. It wouldn’t even have to be far away, because it will seem like a different world when you are set up near a river or lake in a state park. Just getting away from the hustle and bustle of your everday world can be very refreshing for both of you. You can take along candles, a selection of your favorite CDs, and a nice bottle of wine to create a very romantic atmosphere. I’ve done this several times with my SO, and we always regret it when it is time to come back home. We loved it so much, we are buying a motorhome tomorrow.

BirdlegLeft's avatar

@uberbatman, hope you don’t mind me asking, but do men have to mix Viagra or something with E?

El_Cadejo's avatar

@birdlegLeft lol. I couldnt tell you since ive never tried having sex on E. From what ive read it can be kinda difficult getting it up while under the influence and reaching climax is evidently near impossible. For girls though its supposed to be amazing. Honestly though sex is the farthest thing from your mind.(mine atleast)I thought about it a couple of times but then once the effects start you can really care less about it. Your to busy just enjoying yourself and having a good time.

BirdlegLeft's avatar

@uberbatman, thanks. Appreciate. (As an aside, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked to make sure screen name is uberbatman and not uberbateman.)

marinelife's avatar

Slumps often result from getting lost in the day-to-day routines and problem solving. Thus, some of the things I have found effective for coming out of a slump are things that make you look at your SO and vice versa with the fresh eyes of a new relationship. Those are probably personal, but some that work for us are:

Getting together in a group with good friends. I always admire my husband’s intelligence, wit and sweetness anew when I see him “on” with others outside the relationship. A secondary benefit is if there are some obnoxious folks in the group or crowd, I am always happy to being going home with my guy instead.

Road trip is one of our favorites. I think, though, that it should be any activity you two like, perhaps something you did a lot when you were first dating, but has tapered off. Maybe that’s dancing, clubbing, music, whatever.

Finally, I also endorse change of venue as others have mentioned.

Hope it goes well!

richmarshall's avatar

I’m coming up on 15 years of marriage and the disconnect usually comes when we get tied up in the daily routines without spending any real time together. So for us just spending some quality time talking and hanging out really makes a difference.

Response moderated (Spam)
nocountry2's avatar

Reconnected – underlying issues resolved. Thank you my fluthers. ;)

scamp's avatar

That’s good news! I’m happy for you.

LunaFemme's avatar

This is proof that with true love & fluther anything can be overcome!

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther