General Question

Fallenangel's avatar

Why do i feel the need to not listen?

Asked by Fallenangel (260points) May 15th, 2008

So, Ive asked and reasked if i did the right thing and reguardless of the answers, I got back with her. Well guess what… It worked for a night, and it was a really great night, but now shes back to the same basic stuff. She hasnt hit me or anything, but she still as no desire to do anything, shes failing every class shes in because shes too busy trying to text me in school, or writting notes and other such things. On top of that she still has no ambitions for the future and says that she wants to be with me no matter what, and all that i need you, never leave me, without you life would be meaningless and id just die, hogwash bulls*** that really is making me feel like she more of a burden than a girlfriend. Ive started to become distant and started leaving when she falls asleep ( to go run errands, do work, or even play videogames). She’s noticed this and is really harping on me. She no longer trusts me and checks up on me randomly yet rarely believes me when I tell her that im at home doing nothing because she “didnt see my car” when it was sitting in my driveway. A little wile back we had sex for the first time (her idea) and she keeps holding that over my head and making me feel like i almost forced it upon her when she was she was the one that was in contorl the whole time. Ive only recently figured that it was only becasue she wanted me to feel almost obligated to stay with her. were going to prom tomorrow.

so my question(s) are…

Why do i never seem to want to listen to yall?
What in the world should I do?

(sorry for the long windedness)

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

25 Answers

MrKnowItAll's avatar

Use a condom.

glial's avatar

As someone going through a divorce, the only person you need to listen to is yourself. Make the best decision for you.

jrpowell's avatar

You are young. Listen to me. Most of us have been there. You do stupid shit. It’s OK to fuck up. It is normal.

Learn from it.

marinelife's avatar

If you are relating this absolutely as it is (we only have your side here) she is either very immature or really neurotic. In any case, you need to break it off for good and mean it.

Also, don’t be so hard on yourself. As to why you don’t listen, sometimes one just has to experience stuff for themselves.

That should not be a problem unless you ignore advice not to step into the patch of quicksand in front of you on the trail or the like. If you do, that is called evolution (removing your non-listening genes from the gene pool.)

I’m betting you can tell the difference between when it is important to listen and when it is fine to take in input even if you then go your own way afterwards.

scamp's avatar

I think you are going back to her because she is “familiar” to you. Maybe you think being miserable with her is better than being alone, am I right? But now you see it’s not working with her, and it seems it never will. If you still aren’t happy with her, you need to make a clean break, and stick to it this time. I think she used sex with you as another way of manipulating you. don’t let her hold that over your head. she won’t be the first girl who has used her body to try and control a guy, and I’m sure she won’t be the last.

Tell her that you gave it another shot, and it didn’t work. Then find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But by all means, drop her like a hot potato, and don’t look back!

psyla's avatar

Damn! You’ve got a clingy girlfriend, you lucky guy! Avoid the great temptation to take advantage of her. Clingy Girlfriends become boring after awhile, you need to let her go before it gets deeper than what it already is, unless you love her. The big question to ask yourself is: Does she bore you? If so, better let her go. Warning! If you easily become bored with women you might be on the road to multiple marriages! Overall though, divorces can be fun. During a divorce, keep focussed on all the new freedom you’re getting & start looking for another woman. Whatever you do, whether it be a divorce or a breakup? Don’t pine for the ex or regret the split!

wildflower's avatar

The reason you don’t listen is because you know that making the decision and breaking it off with her will be tough. You will have to be strong and she won’t take it well, so you’re avoiding it.
Slowly but surely you’re pushing your boundaries to put up with more and more, just to avoid the alternative.

In other words it’s fear. Fear of hurting her, fear of not having the strength to do what you know you should and fear of the consequences, what she will do.

Best thing you can do, is stop asking others to make the decision for you. Think about the choices you have and decide what is right and good for you. Once you’re convinced, you’ll find the strength to do whatever you decide to do.

Fallenangel's avatar

ok, from listening to most of you ( I have read all the entries im just stating that most of you have this point of view) youre saying that I should just leave. That brings two questions to mind. Should i try and talk to her about it, and should i try to just be freinds after with the presistance to keep it at just that? ( I know last time that didnt work to well, but I refuse to make the same mistake twice)

glial's avatar

You are still not listening. What do you want to do? What is your gut/heart telling you?

wildflower's avatar

If you choose to leave her, be upfront, but do it whichever way you feel you will be able to deal with it and stick to it. Talk it over if that makes it easier for you, or just tell her your decision and walk away if that’s what it takes.
Same thing for the time to come. Think about how contact with her will make you feel and what it will do to your determination before you decide whether to do it or not.

marinelife's avatar

You are the one with the data to inform that decision.

In terms of talking to her about, just say “I need to break up.” Don’t get dragged into why. If she asks or argues, just say, “Look, I have tried to work it out. It isn’t working for me. I’m sorry if it makes you (fill in appropriate blank sad? angry?), but this is what I have to do for me.”

As for the friends thing, maybe in several months, but if you offer that right now, she will just use it to try to suck you back in, which even if it doesn’t work, will make you miserable.

Fallenangel's avatar

I think I know now.
Though i think imma go off on a limb here and say imma do it after prom….
Cuz if i didnt, it would be kinda messed up =\

scamp's avatar

Ok, so now you have a plan. This will give you time to work up the strength you need to do it and stick to your decisons. Good luck to you. And most of all, BE STRONG!!

Stormcrow's avatar

Hang tough. Everyone above is correct. You gotta end it. She’s going to try like hell to get you back if she is as clingy and dependant as you say.

LunaFemme's avatar

Sometimes the only way to learn a life lesson is the hard way. It doesn’t always help when people suggest you change course & avoid hitting a wall. Sometimes you just have to hit the wall, suffer through the headache, so that you learn & never have to do it again.

As someone who has had to learn lessons the hard way most of my life, I understand the looking back and wondering why I just didn’t listen. Don’t beat yourself up too much, that headache your about to suffer through after the crash will be punishment enough!! Good luck…dig deep; listen to yourself for the right answer, & then take a deep breathe and take a big plunge!! (If you have a life motto now is a good time to use it!)

Fallenangel's avatar


My life motto isnt that great in this situation. For some reason i dont see “shit happens” as a good corse of action but thats just me. ;-)

Well thank you all, you have been such a great help with all this. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to answer my silly questions.

chill_out's avatar

This is definitely a one-sided story but regardless, what’s important is how you feel, about her and yourself. If you’re dissatisfied then break it off. You’re young and have great years right in front of you. You’ll look back at this in a year, 2 years, 5years wondering why it took so long to do what was so obvious and just laugh it off…

Enjoy the prom, go get drunk n laid!

Fallenangel's avatar

Ummm…. I think i’ll pass on that.

It would be a dick move to sleep with her, just to break up with her…...

Randy's avatar

Your obviously a smart kid if you can identify the problem and seek advice on how to handle a situation that your not sure about. That being said, take the advice of some others here and do what’s right for you.

Now that you have somewhat of a plan, you need to be strong and stick to it. You decided upon this for a reason and she is going to do whatever she can to get you back, and more than likely if she can’t, she do whatever it takes to hurt you, so be ready. Be strong, good luck and the collective is always here when you need us.

cheebdragon's avatar

Sounds like she is a CRAZY bitch, and crazy bitches become insane bitches as they get older!
seriously! you dont know how many times i have been stalked by crazy bitches just because i was friends with their boyfriend or ex boyfriend!
One girl use to sit in the window of the library with binoculars and watch my house! every single day for like 2–3 weeks.
her nickname was Nutty B

Fallenangel's avatar

Just an update for all those who care still. We went to prom and she basically ignored me, went to after prom and i ignored her and had fun. The day after she did a lot of complaining and we bickered back and forth for a wile. Then today she unloaded a buncha problems on me that were really random, like asking me to solve a fight between her father and her, and asked if i thought she should call her social worker and get her dad removed from the house. We argued some more, then she asked if we could have sex (we didn’t on the night of prom) I said no, we fought more, I broke up with her.

This time is gonna be different, because now I know that there is nothing left for me and her. Thanks for all your guidance guys, it really helped.

wildflower's avatar

Thanks for sharing. Good luck and stay strong :)

Btw, wise move to not give in to the offer of sex.

LunaFemme's avatar

You are a very classy young man, fallen, to not take sexual advantage of her when you knew you intended to end the relationship. I’m very proud of you!

scamp's avatar

I second what LunaFemme just said!

cheebdragon's avatar

Tom Leykis would be dissapointed…..
but he’s a jackass anyways so who care what he thinks.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther