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Crossroadsgrl's avatar

If I've messed up with a guy but never even dated him, can I FIX it ?

Asked by Crossroadsgrl (922points) December 6th, 2011

Do men age 35–45 change their minds about women or once you have an opinion good or bad is that IT?!
Sometimes the honestly WRONG impression is given off. How can I fix it? I’m 40 for goodness’ sake. !

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17 Answers

lillycoyote's avatar

What did you mess up, exactly, and what is it you might want to fix? Your question is a little confusing! Not enough specifics! I know from all the exclamation points that it matters to you but it is really unclear, at least to me, what exactly the problem is.

the_overthinker's avatar

Yes, details would be nice.

Usually first impressions… are important, but they can be changed..

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

He thinks he knows “who I am” ...maybe..but he doesn’t. he truly doesn’t “know me”..and from who he’s following on FB and silly Twitter and all…he would LOVE me. This has been an 18 month situation and I’m hurting at this point. Need to move on…but…something very strong tells me to Hang On. ugh

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

well, my FIRST impression, was somewhat accurate, at that particular TIME in my life. But it wouldn’t be accurate NOW, I would be…Better…now, and he’s still “out there” available, and I’m getting…pissed, if you will.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

I was married. He was obviously “taken with me”.
I am now NOT married.
He is….not responding. But it’s not That Simple.
Or IS IT.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

I have no way of “running into him”. NONE. I either appear to “chase hime”, or NEVER see him again. We have totally different lives and situations and I only know his number and text. Can I change a MAN’S mind, if his INITIAL impression, was…GOOD.
Or was it…that because I was MARRIED, he wanted to SEE if he could get my attention, because I wasn’t “really available”. And now that I AM, it’s not as challenging.
Do men in their 30s still DO that??

judochop's avatar

Have you tried just writing him a letter about how you feel, asking him for a return letter filled with his reaction, thoughts and feelings?
Seems like the easiest way to find out.
Everyone on Fluther could speculate as to what he is doing or why he is appearing to act this way but the truth of the matter is that really no one knows. I mean, you know the guy personally and can’t figure it out either. Good luck.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
Response moderated (Writing Standards)
jca's avatar

@Crossroadsgrl: what you write is vague. Please provide solid details for an accurate answer.

marinelife's avatar

If you really have feelings for him (which I doubt since you don’t know him), you could come right out and ask him out. That is the only way that you will either get a response or get a non-response, which will tell you that he’s not interested.

Unfortunately, it could well be that he was only appearing interested because you were married.

blueiiznh's avatar

I can only speculate, but it may be that he wasn’t interested in the first place. Now that you are available, he is uninteresed because he more than likely is married.
dunno, just sayin…

LostInParadise's avatar

@Crossroadsgrl , Some basic info please. How did you meet this guy? Have you met him in person or just online? Does he live nearby? How much do you know about him?

As to what he thinks of you, who knows? We do not do an analysis of how we feel about others. We just react. If you are so certain that the two of you are compatible then you should let him know.

jca's avatar

Some people (all genders) tend to be flirty. It may or may not be a sign. He may just like to flirt. If you never met him, don’t put all your hopes on it because he flirts for 18 months on a website. Why has he never asked for more? You are so vague with your description but I am guessing if he never asked for more, he does not want more.

wundayatta's avatar

You sound like your reactions to this fellow are really big. Probably bigger than he deserves. If he thinks this, he will wonder at you and whether you are too desperate or something.

I gather that you were married, but aren’t now, yet you think he thinks you are still married. You think he would be interested in you if he knew you weren’t married?

I suspect you don’t want to just come out and say that, because then you really will sound desperate, so you have to find a way to tell him where it seems natural and he can get the idea that you are available, should he want to date you.

This is a very passive approach to dating, and I get that this is your personality, but I hope you will try to change. I hope you will reach out to him and see if he’s free, and if so, would he like to do something. Then it’s up to him to ask about your ex, if he cares.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

Thanks everyone yes, I WAS very vaque. Good GRIEF ! I haven’t read these in months and it was clear I made too much of him. He was my realtor, this story is in all different forms on Fluther. It’s been two years since I’ve even seen him, although the most assertive thing I did was a year ago in calling him and asking him to lunch, “to talk about houses”. This confused him and I was also somewhat messed up and not making sense in my call. Just TOO nervous over this guy. Anyway to sum it up, I did the piddly thing of friending him on Facebook March 1st, believing if nothing else I could keep in contact with him in this manner. NOPE. He friended 10 others, including other clients, just NOT me. I clearly was a bit dilussional I suppose, but I’m now much healthier and maybe he’s no longer acting flirtatious toward married women lol !!

blueiiznh's avatar

good update. glad it was at minimum a learning experience

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