A strange tubby gentleman dressed in a funny suit complete with fake beard approaches you while you shop, he smacks you on the back wishing you a merry xmas. How do you respond?

Call my lawyer. Then call the cops. Then call the goon squad.

I’d probably say, “You don’t have to hit me.”

“Bah! Humbug!”

“Merry Christmas!”

I would just say “Hey, take it easy, Santa,” while rubbing my back, and then say “Merry Christmas to you too.”

With an elbow to the belly, ho, ho, ho.

I have a very sensative back, and my friends know not to touch it, for fear of crippling me for a few days. Seriously, it’s that bad.
If a stranger did that, he would have to die.

Put him in a big slingshot and hurl him into the sun…

Oh, and I agree with @filmfann. If a stranger did that to me without warning, he will die (or at least find himself with an assault charge pressed against him).

I’d tell him, “Try that again and you’ll unleash the lethal Ninja in me!” Then I’d show him a flying kick aimed at a nearby Stop sign, to take the “Merry” out of his “Christmas”! Lol.

Report him to the shopping centre management.

Lol you told him to fuck off? XD Sounds kinda like me.

Although in that situation I might think it’s actually cool. If I was in a bad mood, I’d say nothing and look all evil. That usually works, for I know not how to smile. People go away. Otherwise, I’d wish him a happy Halloween.

I wouldn’t do anything. If it was done with good intent then I would take it as just that. I don’t have a problem with being touched providing it is not to harm me in any way. If he caused me real, lasting pain I would speak to the shop manager to make sure they can keep an eye on him around other customers.

Yeah cheers for those responses folks.
Just to say, it was a big old slap on the back out of nowhere & I have had a bit of back trouble lately. The circumstances warranted my reaction, bad santa!

You did good @ucme. But, just so you know, you’ll have nothing but a hole in your stocking this year.

@ucme And maybe, just maybe, a lump of coal. lol

@Dutchess_III That’s okay, so long as the stocking is worn by the wife…..woof woof!

I’d tell him to go shove some milk and cookies down his quadruple-chinned throat and leave me the hell alone, if he randomly approached me like that, but otherwise i’d wish him a merry christmas :) (id still include the milk and cookies part :D )