General Question

nikipedia's avatar

Do you follow the same patterns in relationships?

Asked by nikipedia (27526points) May 16th, 2008

Dating similar people, breaking up for similar reasons, having similar fights, behaving similarly badly, other stuff I haven’t thought of? What are your patterns? Do you think patterns are breakable? How? Do you like your patterns? Do they bother you? What about your significant other’s patterns?

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14 Answers

iwamoto's avatar

both the times i broke it up after about a year, because the love was gone…

loser's avatar

pretty much. If none counts.

witchhazel's avatar

I personally try to learn from the problems of past relationships so I don’t repeat the cycle. If your doing the same thing over and over, you would probably reconize the signs by now and avoid that behavior. Maybe you should take some time off from relationships and figure out what YOU want out of it and the kind of person you would like to be with. Just a suggestion. Good luck!

ninjaxmarc's avatar

learn and improve.

TheCouncil's avatar

I seem to be repeating the same cycle with the same girl. I think after 7 years now that it has ended once again that maybe I can escape that cycle. Here’s to hoping.

kevbo's avatar

I manipulate women to get in their pants.

hee hee! j/k niki

I overlook, smooth over, and compensate for differences and then wake up about two years later to the realization that the girl hasn’t changed to my liking. Also, I seem to date women who aren’t as (book)smart as I am. Along those lines I’ve been accused in various ways of being patronizing.
***
smart as I am.

guesswho's avatar

Sometimes I feel like a dumbass, but you gotta start somewhere. Besides… Sometimes you learn the hard way, and sometimes you don’t learn at all. People change their behavior to acheive a certian result. What are you looking for? What do you need? What do you care about?
Your ability to understand yourself and seek patience with yourself; defines your ability to love and understand others. Respect is a two way street. I don’t believe in karma, but I do Believe in love. And I do believe people can change, but only for themselves. I used to cheat on the men I thought I loved. Now I know that I never loved them because I didn’t respect the values of a real relationship. I discovered one day that my values in life has changed when i realized how much damage I was doing. I thought “I don’t want to be this person anymore. I want to know what it really feels like to be honest”. So I started being honest.
I repeated the same pattern for a long time, but I think that it depends on you. Sometimes you see stuff coming, sometimes you don’t. We act accordily…
Now I’ve met the love of my life. honest.

hearkat's avatar

I have learned and grown from each relationship, but I was making poor choices because I had low expectations for myself based on self-esteem issues from childhood abuse.

After my last long-term relationship ended, I chose to do as witchhazel said and focused on myself and my son. I have learned, from myself and the men I’ve loved, that it really is true that you cannot fully love and be loved until you truly love yourself. If you doubt you worthiness of love and happiness, you will continually doubt your beloved’s feelings and intentions.

I have worked hard to forgive myself for my mistakes, to accept myself as I am, to truly practice what I preach, to be grateful for all that is good in my life, and to be proud for all I have overcome and accomplished. And now I can honestly say that I love myself.

When I chose to start dating again, I came up with the motto: High Standards, Low Expectations. I also vowed to always be myself so as not to establish any false pretenses, and to never settle. I met some nice guys, and dated some for a bit, I even gave one guy 2 chances because of extenuating circumstances. But once I knew that a guy couldn’t reciprocate the level of honesty and openness and dedication that I offer, I ended it. I wouldn’t prolong the inevitable just to have someone to go out with on Saturday night.

Now I’ve met a man who is the first that I can call a real man. He has made mistakes in his life and has learned from them. He has made mistakes in our relationship and has sincerely apologized and made actual changes to his behavior… not just said I’m sorry to kiss ass and then resume the same actions. He has also forgiven me the mistakes I’ve made. We communicate about everything, even if it feels uncomfortable, because we see our relationship as a work in progress. We truly love each other and are making a conscious effort NOT to repeat the mistakes of our pasts, because we want to get it right this time and feel that we deserve our best effort.

scamp's avatar

@hearkat It sounds like you have done a lot of hard work and it’s paying off. I’m happy for you!

hearkat's avatar

@Scamp- Thanks! My beau and I were just discussing how great life is for us now compared to all the struggles we’ve faced in our pasts. The bitter makes one really appreciate the sweet, and we want to do everything in our power to make the sweet times last :-)

phoenyx's avatar

I would break up with any girl as soon as things became too serious; fear of commitment, I suppose. I broke up with my wife several times. It was painful for her because she didn’t understand and I really didn’t understand why I would do it either. I came to the point where I realized what I was doing and just knew that I couldn’t put her through that again regardless of whatever weird fears I had. I loved her so much that I had to commit or I’d lose her forever.

stephen's avatar

i think ur “patterns” means “character”,character is not that easy to be changed.

roxy's avatar

I did for a long time through my 20’s.It was the same story,differen’t guy but now it is a totally differen’t breed of a guy and differen’t situation so I did definately break out of the old mold!

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