General Question

firewolf's avatar

What do I do about what I did?

Asked by firewolf (34points) December 17th, 2011

I did something horrible years ago. I threatened to kill someone and she was so scared she started crying. I did it out of a sick sense of happiness and love for others fear. I terribly regret and remorse what I did. I don’t know what I should do. I’m so scared. Some people have told me I should just commit suicide, and others say to just face what I did. I don’t know who this person is, but I want to at least apologize to her and let her know I will never hurt her again. I fear she will see me one day on the streets and beat me senseless or kill me for what I did. What do I do?

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20 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

Well, don’t commit suicide. You want to make amends, but you can’t directly, so why not pay it back to the universe? Maybe even volunteer at a suicide hot line. Write an open apology and post it on Craig’s List. And then do some community service.

Ayesha's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

Apologize. Sit down with her if that’s possible, have her bring a friend in the room so that she’s comfortable, and tell her how sorry and regretful you are. Spit it all out, every bit of emotion you feel towards the horrible act you committed. Communication is your best way out of the feelings you are feeling. People who have told you to commit suicide are I think being completely irrational and clueless. That’s no way to go about it. Communicate.

john65pennington's avatar

You have a big sense of guilt and rightly so. You may never see this person again, but here is my suggestion….....

Your heart is full and it never will be normal, until you pray for forgiveness. Prayer does change this, I know first hand.

And, just maybe your prayer will be relayed to this person, by way of heaven, and your forgiveness will be honored.

Living with guilt will eventually destroy you and you need to make things right in your life.

You will not be sorry.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Forgive yourself. I do.

gorillapaws's avatar

You could also try to do as much good for other people as you can to try to bring more joy to others than you’ve brought fear and sadness. That would be a start (and something you could begin today).

firewolf's avatar

I’ve prayed so much in the past month asking for forgiveness. It doesn’t help. Nothing helps. I do as much good as I can for people now. I try to forgive myself, but I just can’t. To know that I did such a horrible thing, and someone out there suffered and may still be suffering because of me just makes me sick to my stomach.
@RealEyesRealizeRealLies It’s not that easy. You say you do, but have you ever done something this sickening? It’s easy to forgive yourself for breaking someone’s stuff or stealing, but it’s not so easy to just forgive threatening to kill someone, and making them so scared they cry.

the_overthinker's avatar

It’s good that you realize what you did was wrong. Do you know her name? You should contact her and then apologize that way.

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

1. Don’t commit suicide.
2. Avoid anyone who ever suggests that you should.
3. Consider talking to a mental health professional (such as a school counselor or a priest, minister or rabbi) about the suicide ideation and about your feelings of guilt… and particularly about managing the anger that had you express a wish to harm someone mortally in the first place.

MagsRags's avatar

OP, I’m confused. You said: I don’t know who this person is. Then how could she ever see you on the streets and hurt you?

And why would “some people” tell you to commit suicide over something you did years ago? Or did they tell you that back then and you’re thinking about it now?

marinelife's avatar

You are stuck back in that moment in time. Hopefully, the woman you threatened has moved on with her life.

You should too.

If you have been trying to do good to balance it, that is good.

If you can’t forgive yourself, you need to work with a professional. You should be able to forgive yourself. You did not kill her or hurt her. You just threatened to and made her cry. That is a not an unforgivable offense.

Blondesjon's avatar

I’m going with @MagsRags on this. I need some inconsistencies cleared up before I can wade in to this one.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@firewolf “It’s not that easy. You say you do, but have you ever done something this sickening?”

Some have gone much further than making threats. Regret is a heavy burden.

Healing begins with acceptance… which you’ve done. You’ve accepted what a monster you can be. Trust me, there are worse monsters out there… and many of them cannot accept they are monsters.

Now forgive yourself. You can’t become human without forgiving yourself. We need more humans in this world… not more monsters.

firewolf's avatar

@MagsRags She was my brothers girlfriend and I can’t remember her name.
@marinelife I hope she has. I feel unforgivable though. Before I threatened her she trusted me. She seemed so nice, and I threatened her life.
@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Of course you will. There are (and will be) people in your life that are counting on you to be whole, well balanced, and stable.

Don’t make tomorrow look back on today with regret. That’s no better than making today look back on yesterday with regret.

Live, learn, heal, and get the fuck over it you panzie! People are depending on you so stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop being selfish. So you fucked up… big fucking deal… join the club asshole. You were mean because you were selfish. Don’t be regretful because you are still selfish. Get over it by putting others before yourself. Crying in your beer is just more selfishness. Think of those who depend on you to grow up and set an example. Forgive yourself and move along please.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

If you can talk to her, please do. Apologize. Explain to her in a way so that she will understand. Acknowledge her feelings. Acknowledge the pain that you have caused her. Make sure you tell her because you want to make things right, not because you don’t want to feel like “the bad guy”. Never threaten to kill her ever again. Don’t commit suicide.

plethora's avatar

Do as CWOTUS advises…

Eureka's avatar

This happened years ago? What makes you think she even remembers this? I’m sorry for being cynical, but this question seems a bit odd to me. I don’t get the sense that you actually care about anything in this situation but yourself, and your feelings.

And if you have talked about this with others, as evidenced by your statement that others have told you to kill yourself, then the time for asking people what you should do is past. Instead of whining about how horrible you feel to everyone who will listen, I think it is time for you to get over yourself.

You cannot make amends to this person, so do a random act of kindness for someone else, and move on.

YourWorstNightmare's avatar

@firewolf I feel you are being very dramatic…I’ve had friends tell me this same story, and they dramatize it so much. How old were you? Five? Let the past be the past, and do not let it ruin your future.

firewolf's avatar

Dramatic? I wish I was being dramatic. I wish I was exaggerating. I wish I was lying, or even that it was just a dream! It’s the horrible reality though and I can’t change that. All I can see everyday when I close my eyes are those sad fearful eyes on that innocent girl sitting on my couch helpless and scared. That poor girl never deserved to be treated so horribly.
@Eureka If that was the case I would have committed suicide.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

@firewolf You have empathy and that’s a good thing! Don’t let people belittle that wonderful trait out of you. Do you really want the alternative – a heart of stone? My guess is no, you do not. You want to care. Don’t let people make you feel stupid for caring. It’s not being dramatic. It’s having a conscience and being genuinely remorseful for your actions to the point of wanting to make amends, to make sure the other person is safe, and not hurting because of something you know full well you should not have done. Words can last a long time and can do plenty of damage and you recognize that because you care. In my opinion, your attitude should be revered instead of attacked.

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