What do you view as dignified behavior once a relationship is over?

edited by me.

Murder is a little bit of an over-reaction.

You can have my dignity. I’m lucky to make it out with a shred of sanity.

Wow. Funny you should post this in just this way. My son and his girlfriend (and mother of his baby) are in the middle of a blow up. The woman is f’ing NUTS. She’s crazy. He’s been wanting to leave for a long time, but he wanted to wait till the baby was born, and try to do this in a controlled manner, after everyone got their tax returns and stuff. Well, she physically attacked him last week (while he was holding the baby)....he left then and isn’t going back. She’s been blowing up everyone’s phones with texts ranting about how much she loves him and how she’s going to change and she knows she screwed up…just yesterday, by 11 am she’d called him 26 times!!! Anyway, her theme, over and over, is how she’s going to change and she knows she needs help, but she can’t live with out him, she needs him, she loves him soooo much on and on and on. I finally told her, “You say you’re willing to change but you’re NOT willing to change THIS…what you’re doing now!” This has been going on for a week solid. NOT dignified!

If the couple had been engaged, returning the ring without being asked is dignified. Having a problem with returning it, refusing to return it, claiming that the ring was a gift is worse than undignified. That is like announcing “I am a golddigger, or a sexworker!”

@Dutchess_III I hope he doesn’t even think of taking her back, she’ll go on until he gives in!
If they get back together again that will pretty much be his life from now on!

No…he’s not going back @ZEPHYRA!

I like that you asked this question. I think I have a lot of personal dignity and I tend to avoid being overly dramatic, name-calling, histrionics, etc. That’s not to say I’m 100% successful, because emotions sometimes get the better of me, but I have definitely been very, very hurt at someone’s behavior regarding ending a relationship and I tend to react with a stone wall of silence. I usually have loads of responses, but all I can think is looking at things from a 3rd party view and being embarrassed. So, I keep my mouth shut.

Dignified behavior to me would be to not contact the other person as a fight or accusations might ensue. And if you run into the other person just be polite, say hello and move on.

1. Giving back any possessions of the other person.

2. Being civil in public encounters.

Not bad mouthing them to others.
Not groveling.
Not jumping in the sack with the first person who comes along
Staying sober (At least in public.)

Not bad-mouthing them, even if they are bad-mouthing you.
Not going into details with everyone about why you broke up.
Not calling, emailing or otherwise harrassing them.
Not avoiding calls or emails you receive, but not doing anything to encourage misunderstanding.
Avoid public displays of deep emotion regarding the break up, whether it’s anger, relief or grief.
Remember that this was/is someone you have cared for deeply and presumably don’t wish any ill.
Allow them to get on with their lives.
Get on with your life.
Don’t forget, but learn.

My now husband broke up with his ex with great dignity (I have known him for years prior to us becoming a couple).

He paid more support than was necessary to make sure she was okay.
He didn’t argue about possessions he could replace.
He sought counselling (with a female counsellor) so he could try to see things from her perspective.
Except on a couple of occasions where she really pushed his buttons, he has never bad mouthed her.
He just moved on with his life and helped her to do the same. I am sure she doesn’t see it this way but from an outsider’s perspective, I was so impressed by his maturity and dignity.

@Bellatrix , my husband had been separated for a year but not yet divorced when I met him. He was the same way. I thought, “If he’s this nice to someone he’s divorcing, how much nicer will he be to me?”
20+ years later and I was right. He still treats me so tenderly and with so much respect. I am blessed.

That’s exactly what I thought @Judi. And I feel the same way about my husband now. We are lucky women indeed.

I turn my back to the street while pissing on her rose garden.

I still give him haircuts. I am never rude to him (even when he is to me). If I see him in the grocery store, with whomever he spent the night with, I smile and wave.

Carry on as a civilized adult. Most of the time.