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emeraldisles's avatar

How do I get help?

Asked by emeraldisles (1949points) January 2nd, 2012

Oh my gosh I posted a question on here yesterday about my home situation.Needless to say muy mother left the doors unlocked and wouldn’t let me or my grandmother lock them because she said her ’‘friend was coming over’’ and that she was going to get laid. My grandmother got up at 5am this morning to find the doors unlocked and porch lights turned on. She made it up. All day she has been going off and ranting/having delusions/ Not even hearing my grandmother talk to her. The she started screaming saying that she was fine and that its us who have the problem. I honestly am at the point where I absolutely hate them both. I hate my grandmother for being weak and not doing anything to get her help or to protect me. I hate whatever has taken over my mothers mind. I hate how my grandmother says she doesn’t know what to do and then she enables her. My grandmother turns around and blames me for it and says I bring it out of her. She tells me to lie and says that no one will believe me and that she will not let me leave to be with my dad or let me call the police. My grandmother almost had a heart attack today and said she was experiencing chest pains/headache and said almost drove off the road. She’s fine and back to her old ways of playing the martyr and going woe is her and that she has to make me go through it with her.I know this sounds evil, but do you think that there’s anything I can do?I think that I don’t wanta relationship with either one of them because I’m lost and I can’t handle the both of them. My grandmother denies everything that’s ever happened.

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12 Answers

chyna's avatar

Can you talk to your dad about this and tell him you want to live with him? If you live in the U.S. there is a certain age that you have to be in order to tell the courts who you want to live with, providing your dad is willing to let you live with him full time. Or your dad can ask the courts for full custody of you. Just tell your dad exactly what is going on in your household and emphasize that you no longer feel comfortable living there, that your mothers outbursts scare you and your grandmother goes along with it. Good luck.

marinelife's avatar

Try taping some of your mother’s rants and your grandmother’s threats. Then play the conversations for your dad. Then it won’t matter what your grandmother says. You will be taken out of it.

The situation sounds dangerous. You can also call child protective services.

emeraldisles's avatar

As I said previously, I will be 18 in 2 months.This is just so screwed up. My dad says that he would let me stay with him, but that he lives too far away for me to finish school where I am. Sometimes i just think i have to do something drastic for anything to change. I could write a book on everything that has happened to me living with these ’‘people’’. My grandmother has talken to my dad but refuses to talk to him. As I’ve also mentioned my dad is a crossdresser, but I can deal with that compared to this.I am willing to go to court.It just sucks because I’m not going to college, at least not next year. I need to straighten this crap out.

chyna's avatar

Do you have a close friend that would let you live with them until you graduate? The next 2 months you might not be able to if your mother throws a fit, but once you are 18, you can do what you want. Have you talked to your school counselor? See what advice you can get from them on what to do and how to get out of your house now.

Kayak8's avatar

It sounds like your home situation is unsafe, particularly if your mother is leaving the house unlocked at night and is behaving in this, frankly, crazy sounding way. Your grandmother can’t watch you every minute and a well-placed call to 911 might certainly help. You might also talk to a counselor at school and see what services are available to you in the area.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m with @chyna. Talk to your friends to see if any of their families can take you in until graduation. Even if you have to couch surf with a few families, graduation is close and you deserve to make it through. How soon after graduation will you be 18?

emeraldisles's avatar

I know I sound like such a freak but I have no close friends I can stay with. Absolutely no family or friends I can stay with. One close friend I have with lives in Texas and the other close one I go to school with but she’s got her own issues. She’s living with her mother and own abusive boyfriend so that’s not really healthy. She’s been placed on suicide watch before, so I really don’t think I should be asking her to put me up. Also the family I do have : my uncle who was psychologically, mentally, and v erbally abusive constantly to my family who I should have gotten a restraining order against and a few other relatives who are in their 80s and about to croak. I am not close to anyone in my family. They have no idea what has gone on in my life.My dad is the only person I actually get along with.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

@emeraldisles: Ask a school counselor about outreach house programs in your school district. That you have so few options and are mature enough to ask for help probably means you’ll be able to take responsibility for yourself a little earlier than your peers.

cazzie's avatar

Sounds like your mother is suffering from a pretty serious mental health issue. Is she using drugs? Does mental illness run in your family? You can call county health services and is you can demonstrate that she is a danger to herself and others, they can commit her and she can start getting help. I strongly recommend getting mental health professionals involved.

BosM's avatar

Make a plan to get out of this situation. Rethink college as an option for you. Apply to an in-state college/university, and live away, even if you have to take out loans it’s worth it for your safety and sanity. Set up a meeting with your HS student counsellor, He/she can help you with college applications and more, especially if they sense you are in danger.

You’re about to be 18, tell your grandmother that the clock is ticking and you’ll be leaving soon, so if she wants any chance of a lasting relationship with you she needs to step up and deal with the situation.

Your family should really get to counseling. I see you as coming out of all of this as the anchor of strength for your family. Make your plan, stay determined, and realize that this is not normal, nor your fault. Stay strong, you can get yourself out of this situation, even if it takes a few more months.

CWOTUS's avatar

I haven’t read all of the advice above, but from seeing who’s writing it I’m certain that most of it is good.

The first thing that I would counsel is to attempt – as much as you can – to take your own emotion out of this. That is, “try not to hate”. It won’t help anyone, won’t help the situation, and it will hurt you. As an aside, keep in mind that infants are irrational, too, or seem to be. So if you’re having sex with anyone, be careful. You don’t want to add another generation to this mix just yet.

So, I know this is hard to read, and I even cringe as I write it, but “try to be patient”. If you can temporarily detach at least your own emotional response – and definitely don’t “react” strongly even to the really crazy stuff – you may be able to maintain your own cool. You need that, because obviously someone in that house needs to be rational. It shouldn’t have to be you alone, but right now it is. This is “lifeboat conditions”, kid, and you have to be the cool, calm captain of the lifeboat.

But obviously your lifeboat needs to be rescued. So send out the SOS. If you have a relationship with a church or temple (or even if you don’t!) you can reach out to them for assistance. Child Protective Services has been mentioned, but you probably don’t want to be a foster child for two months, so I’d use that as an absolute last resort. Uncles, cousins and other family members could potentially help (for instance, I’m temporarily living with my own 87-year-old uncle to give his daughter and son-in-law a break). You might even consider getting assistance from Visiting Nurses or some other type of temporary, non-live-in help.

emeraldisles's avatar

Thanks everyone for the advice. My mother is in her oiwn world. It’s as if a demon has taken over her mind. The person looks like my mother but isn’t her at all.It looks like I’m just going to have to put up with it.

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