Social Question

AshLeigh's avatar

How do you let someone go?

Asked by AshLeigh (16310points) January 8th, 2012

My Aunt and Uncle just left my house, for the last time before they move to Florida forever. :/
My uncle has an incurable illness, and he’s getting worse. The doctors don’t know how much longer he has, and the cold is bad for him, with his disease. That’s why he has to move.
I just don’t know what to do anymore… I know I’m gonna have to say goodbye forever soon, and I might not see him again before he dies…
How do you let someone go? How do you know that it’s going to be alright? How do you feel okay about life again when that person is gone?

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19 Answers

ZEPHYRA's avatar

I know how tough it is. Just be sure to call them regularly and chat to him so you keep in touch. It’s all a question of acceptance, you have to accept the way things are going no matter how hard. The only way to help yourself accept it at the moment is by keeping regular contact with them any way possible. Not much help, I know, but…...

deni's avatar

You should tell him how much you care about him. Write him a letter to his new address in Florida! Tell him how important he is to you. And keep in touch with him while he’s here. That’s all you can do. You’ll feel much more at peace with the situation and with yourself if you just do what you can while you can.

linguaphile's avatar

I don’t know. I just had to say goodbye to someone who recently died and it’s not easy. It was my first time knowingly losing someone this dear to me and I’m 40.

If I had a chance to see him before he died and knew he was going soon, I’d have told him how much he meant to me and given numerous examples of how he affected my and others lives, I’d have shared my favorite memories with him and given him a token from one of the memories, and I’d have told him how much I valued his presence and how I would carry on his memory after he was gone. I’d have talked to him or texted him at least once a day to just talk about daily stuff. I’d probably have made a photo album to send to him to look at before he went. I’d have told him he was my angel on earth.

But since I didn’t have a chance to say all those things, I said them anyway in my head at his funeral. I don’t know how I’ll let him go, but I know I’ll think of him everyday for a while and will appreciate it when a memory comes to me. I’ll put together a memory box of the things he left behind and will put together a photo album with all the photos I can find of him and will print it in book form at Walgreens or WalMart.

I’ve learned that saying goodbye is not an event, but a process.

You could do something like this before he goes. You could try to get to Florida to spend a couple days with them while they’re there.

My heart goes out to you and I send big, warm hugs.

AshLeigh's avatar

I just don’t know what I’m going to do.
My best friend won’t talk to me. My friend died in August. My cat, that I love more then any human, ran away. Now Scott’s sick again…

I wish I could leave this place.

augustlan's avatar

@AshLeigh I don’t have any answers better than what has already been given, but I want to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. {hugs}

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@AshLeigh You don’t let them go. They will be with you forever, just keep some things to remember them by.Think about them a little, and put yourself in their shoes. What would they want you to do? I guessing they would not want you to check out of this life would they? They’d want you to make them proud. Hang in there.

janbb's avatar

@AshLeigh I am sorry that you are going through so much pain. It sounds like you’ve been hit with a lot. One of the things that is keeping me going right now is to have a plan for each day, things I am going to do – both productive and nurturing – to get through it. The other thing to consider is getting some therapy because these are all rough things. One of the things you mention that you can do something about perhaps is to restore relations with your best friend. Do you know why she won’t talk to you; can you make it up? Having a close friend will help. Also, can you make a plan to visit Florida soon so you do have a time when you will see your aunt and uncle again? That will help with the feeling of loss.

smilingheart1's avatar

You feel deeply Ashleigh about life, people, purpose and those who are as you are will experience higher heights in the joys of life, but also lower lows than many when you experience e setbacks and loss. Be gentle with yourself and nurture your own core through nature, music, books, talk to others at what ever level you can find the connect and also listen acutely for special comfort that is trying to penetrate you. Others thoughts of love and prayers for you produce this. Down seasons of life teach us much that we cannot recognize in the more even keel times. You WILL come through this and grow more as things settle out into a different configuration as life is always changing patterns.

marinelife's avatar

You can plan a visit to your Aunt and Uncle.

You just spend as much time with them as you can before they move, and make sure to tell them that you love them.

JLeslie's avatar

I agree with @marinelife and @janbb plan a visit.

You have been hit with a lot of loss in a short time. I promise you will feel better eventually, but for now part of grieving is riding out the pain. I think acceptance helps. Accepting this is a really shitty unfair time. The thing is, in the future you will have fabulous, fun, exciting times. Just let yourself be unhappy for a while, cry, talk to friends who will listen, but also do your best to keep functioning. Keep doing your daily routine and involving yourself in life as much as possible. Life is a little bit like a roller coaster it goes up and down. I have never liked sharp ups or downs, I kind of like those little hills.

Buy a book about loss and it will help you understand the stage of mourning you are in. People usually move from shock to denial to anger to acceptance, some models include bargaining.

Also, know that you are completely normal, we all have experienced losses, and when we are young I think it is even harder to got through them, because we lack the experience, the knowledge that things smooth out over time, and that we can be happy again.

Coloma's avatar

Awwww, I’m sorry!

Yes, just make an effort to stay in touch with phone calls and emails at least every week and don’t be afraid to tell him, often, how much you love him and miss him.
If you can visit, maybe on spring break, depending on how his illness is progressing that would be ideal. Something you both can look forward to and many dying people will hang on longer, by sheer force of will, if they are anticipating a special family event.
Otherwise, as @JLeslie said, finding your way to acceptance is part of the grieving journey.
Hang in there kiddo! Love to you!

john65pennington's avatar

It sounds like your social life has hit rock bottom.

Concerning your uncle….apparently you love him very much and that is great.

Is there any way you can be with him, before he dies? This may be impossible for you and further complicates your situation. If you cannot be physically with him, then do the second best and call him at least twice a day. Morning and night. He will know your situation and how much you care for him.

Your uncle is fortunate to have a niece that loves him so much. Give him all the time and attention you can, by communication. He will appreciate it.

I know that I would. He will love you from above, for it.

saint's avatar

1. It is never easy but…
2. You simply do it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Yeah, you have no choice about it, I agree with @saint

AshLeigh's avatar

@janbb,
I can’t talk to him, because he moved 5000 miles away. We kept in touch for a while, but his girlfriend is pregnant now, and she doesn’t like me. :/ No matter how much I miss him, and love him, I can’t do that to him. He’s starting a family, and they need him more then I do.

janbb's avatar

@AshLeigh Oh – it sounded like there was an argument. Sounds like you need some other good friends then.

AshLeigh's avatar

@janbb, it’s not that I don’t have good friend. My friends are great, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. :(

janbb's avatar

@AshLeigh Sure, I understand. You have undergone a lot of losses in a short amount of time.

AshLeigh's avatar

I suppose.

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