Social Question

Charles's avatar

Why do women complain about not finding a decent guy?

Asked by Charles (4815points) January 16th, 2012

Is it really to do with the quality of the men out there or are they simply too picky, holding out for something which does not exist or is so rare in real life? Their criteria often sounds simple enough: someone caring, kind, funny, smart blah blah, these traits aren’t exactly rare, yet women complain they can’t find Mr. Right or even get a decent date. Fellas, doesn’t that annoy you somewhat?

Or maybe the other answer, that what you see on TV isn’t a real reflection on real life, and is full of women who think they don’t really need men, yet constantly complain that they can’t find that special someone.

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25 Answers

john65pennington's avatar

Well, I believe that most women are going to the wrong places to meet nice guys. You can’t expect to find someone decent at a bar. My aunt is proof of this after three marriages.

My daughter has been married five times. She tells me that she has not found “Mr. Right” and will keep looking until she finds someone just like her dad.

Needless to say, these words from her, means the world to me.

Good guys are still out there, you just have to start looking in the right places.

digitalimpression's avatar

What annoys me is some of the descriptions I’ve heard of the “perfect man”.. which is something akin to the literal prince charming, complete with a suit of armor, a rose in his mouth, and speaking old English. If you aim that high, you’re never going to be satisfied with a normal person.

On the other hand, you’ll hear the same types of descriptions about a woman so…

nikipedia's avatar

Let’s definitely make generalizations about an entire group of people (women) making generalizations about an entire group of people (men).

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Men complain about the same crap.

Aethelflaed's avatar

Ugh, I know, right?!? God damn it, ladies, just go lez already! We have cookies ;D And by cookies, I, of course, mean Redacted.

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

^All the women I want to get with have gone lesbian

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

No, I really do have cookies. For real.

Aethelflaed's avatar

I love how quickly this has turned dirty.

digitalimpression's avatar

Well, I got the sugar and you got the cookies so les do dis! j/k

Honestly, the same types of BS expectations can be found on all three all four both sides of the fence.

Once people realize that no one is perfect, they’ll be happier. Myself included.

Aethelwine's avatar

@Charles Add the word some to your question and you might get some helpful answers without snark. ;)

I think some people have high expectations and won’t settle for anything less than their dream of what a perfect mate should be.

Dog's avatar

When I was dating I made an actual list of qualities I expected in my soul mate. I took a lot of time to create it then decided that if I found a guy with HALF of those qualities I would be stoked.

I found a guy who matched all of them! Not in bars, but by perusing my interests and not expecting to meet someone.

Do not get me wrong- our relationship is not perfect, we both are constantly working on it, but really the awesome guys and gals are out there. Just make a list of what REALLY MATTERS to you. Then go and follow your dreams and they will find you.


Why do girls do this was the question.
My guess would be to avoid intimate close relationships. If they create an unobtainable ideal then they can use it as an excuse to reject anyone who they might have to open up to.

zenvelo's avatar

Having been in the online dating world for a while, for those over 40 I think there is a strong expectation on both sides that they want a mate that will not require any work on their part. Women want a fit, handsome, financially stable, hardworking, adventurous, ready to travel family man. Men want a fun, sexy, fit young looking intelligent woman who is a great cook and likes to entertain.

And neither wants to have to change themselves to get along with someone else.

DaphneT's avatar

Well, I don’t complain about not finding one. I complain that they’ve already committed to someone else. lol. As far as decent guys go, what is the definition of decent?

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Not that anyone will want to believe it, but most women do not care to find “Mr. Right”, the days I spent working in the salon was an eye opener. Once they get comfortable with you, and figure you are not gay (so they can get a man’s view of relationship) you learn a lot. Most women want the bad boy, the douche, the cad. Why? Because they are more exciting, the women feel protected with the thug over the nerd. It is like a roller coaster, you never know what turn or quirk is coming next, the dangerous unpredictability is like an intoxicating drug, add in the “forbidden fruit” aspect the thug looks quite appealing. It matters not how many women he burn through. He can plug one in and another one out like changing fuses but the bad boy thug will have more luck than the geek, and if he is a pretty boy thug, he is a virtual lock. Not only can she lay claim to “He chose me, so I am better than all of them”, she get to be the one to “change” him from his bad boy ways, so she can also seem superior and good enough that he would want to change to keep her. Luckily as women get older they wised up, and the bad boy charm loses a lot of steam, but for too many women they are doomed into it because they really don’t know that they stepped in a steaming pile of **** until they are waist deep in it, their credit ruined, their cell bill up in Buck Rodgers stratosphere, their homes is trashed, and their car has been towed or totaled.

DaphneT's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central you have been in a tough woman zone. Wow. Just wow.

My expectations of the decent guy have certainly changed over the years, now I have none. I will admit I was entranced with the bad boy look in my college days, but they simply wouldn’t look at me. Then I started understanding being told that I was projecting too much neediness. hey, I was sizing them up, and why not? they were shopping too! sadly not for the same things. I was raised to expect weddings and babies and such, and when that didn’t happen I was to blame, not the man? So if men can be picky, so can women. A decent guy has to be what the woman defines for herself. If the man does’t meet that definition at the moment, circumstances can change, he can change or the woman can change her mind. A decent guy should know who he is and stay true to that. So should a decent woman.

So I have learned that Mr. Right, Mr. Perfect and Mr. Decent Guy are not the same definitions, until he’s Mr. That’s-My-Guy. I haven’t met Mr. That’s-My-Guy.

King_Pariah's avatar

As a guy, I have to admit that many guys are callous and frankly hormonal dumbasses. But there are several good picks out there. And yeah yeah yeah, call me traitor, whatever.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@DaphneT So if men can be picky, so can women. I have a good friend, who in his youth, was a bad boy thug. He was pretty suave, he could get a married woman to boot her husband from the bedroom (never happened though). I knew other guys like that as well. They might have been picky, but it was only which of the 8 girls trying to get on their arm they were going to use for the next three days or so. When you have women like nuts on a snack tray you don’t worry too much, after you piss one off enough and she leaves, you know you have 7 more to put in her place. How many women have it like that, and not because men who have less access to women just want her for her honey cave?

DaphneT's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central, I’m not sure I understand your point. in fact, I’m sure I don’t. If you are saying that women don’t have as much choice as men, I’ll concede that is true. Since we don’t have a society that tolerates males-as-bimbo behavior, women don’t have as many males-behaving-as-bimbos to choose from. Therefore women who have access to males-behaving-as-bimbos and exhibit that thug-like behavior of using a male for 2 or 3 days and selecting another from the stud-stable are roundly criticized for doing so. This pattern of criticism works to limit the number of males-behaving-as-bimbos, but why it doesn’t work for limiting the number of women-behaving-as-bimbos, I don’t know. but I can speculate.

All I’m was trying to say is that women should be picky about the men they choose, and men shouldn’t be all negative about women being picky in trying to find the decent guy.

LezboPirate's avatar

I never have a problem finding anyone worth dating. Probably because I stay away from the men. :D

Whatever. That’s funny.
Also, LOL! “Honey Cave.” Gross.

JilltheTooth's avatar

Yeah, standards are so overrated.

BandanaMike's avatar

If a woman can’t find a decent guy then the woman is not a decent woman and vice versa. Decent people find decent people. Everyone finds a bad person here and there but if all you find is bad people then it shows what kind of people you like to hang out with and what kind of people you are attracted to.

Aethelflaed's avatar

I wonder how many people, when they use the phrase “decent” in regards to finding a mate, mean more than “has a basic sense of morality that I agree with”. How many people include things like “has a sense of humor I find amusing” and “agrees that clubbing is a) fun or b) stupid” and other chemistry and compatibility things in their definition of a decent mate.

Keep_on_running's avatar

@nikipedia Hear, hear.

Why can’t we just treat individuals as just that? Individuals. Humans have this weird need to categorise everyone. You exhibit this trait, so therefore you are so and so. Men are this, women are that, it’s just as bad as saying black people are this and white people are that. It’s as if there are no shades of grey anywhere.

Paradox25's avatar

I agree with @Aethelflaed that terms like ‘decent’ and ‘sense of humor’ seem to be relative terms, especially since they are used so frequently in trying to describe the ideal mate.

Personally I think that this works both ways when it comes to each gender though, perhaps because when one does find an ideal mate (at least initially) that is decent and loyal one may tend to get bored with that and move on. I also think that like minds tend to attract so that when two less than decent mates find each other they’re so addicted to the positives that come with these types of relationships that they do not allow the memories of the negative actions sink in when the negatives finally override the positives. The end result is the perpetual state of formulating unstable relationships with less than decent people, than complaining about their less than ideal mates to take the blame off of themselves. People that generally want the quick fix and whom get bored easily tend to fall into the latter category.

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