Social Question

wickedbetty's avatar

Why am I still single?

Asked by wickedbetty (371points) January 17th, 2012

Just a thought, maybe someone out there can spot the thing that is keeping me single. Here it goes…

I am 25, Mormon, 5 feet 9 inches, 135 lbs, very active runner and cyclist, long dark brown hair, big blue eyes, and fair skin. I’m northern Italian looking. I feel attractive, I’m certainly not ugly…and believe me, I know ugly.

I have a bachelor’s degree and I will be attending graduate school in the fall. I work full time as a marketing director for a retailer. I spend most of my time running, working, visiting friends, and reading, listening to music, cooking (I love to cook!), and doing fun little projects.

I’m not sure what you know about mormons, but I am not the stereotype at all. I am not homely looking, I’m not a prude, and I love everyone regardless of their race, sexual orientation, and religion. I do dislike fake people, and rude people, but other than that, I’m a very nice person. I don’t have many enemies, and I often find myself surrounded by many different types of people.

I want to know why I’m attracted to the guys who never like me, and the ones that are attracted to me, I would never give the time of day to.

I also have a best friend who is a guy, and I know what you are thinking, “you are single because everyone thinks you are dating someone” not the case… I go on plenty of dates, just can’t find someone! Anyway, back to my best friend, he always tells me that I’m amazing and perfect, and that I’m gorgeous, but he certainly doesn’t want to date me. He always asks why I am single and I say, YOU TELL ME. But he can’t think of anything, yet, still doesn’t want to date me for fear of messing up our awesome friendship. I’ve never had a friend so close.

Can you please help me find out why I am single and how to fix it?!

Here are some possible things I have come up with. Before you say “Those are things ugly girls say” I promise I’m not ugly, fat, disfigured, socially awkward, lesbian looking or acting, etc.

I might be too picky.
I’m really funny and I think that intimidates guys a lot, or it might be a masculine quality that men don’t find attractive, but they find fun, entertaining.
Maybe I am in the wrong state (UT) I didn’t grow up here, and there are a LOT of soon-to-come-out-of-the-closet boys here.


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16 Answers

tranquilsea's avatar

Love happens when it happens. I found my hubby when I decided I was no longer dating anyone. He had battle through 3 rejections before I accepted a date.

The most you can do is get out there doing the things you love doing. Then you’ll meet people who enjoy the same things and eventually you’ll find someone.

Perhaps you need to look at the ones who want to date you and see if you are blowing them off for the wrong reasons.

Tropical_Willie's avatar

Que sera sera, Whatever Will Be, Will Be.
It is not to planned or scheduled.

Did you meet anyone when you were on missionary work?

wickedbetty's avatar

Both of you have give great advice. I didn’t serve a mission. Girls can go if they want, I decided not to. I went to China and taught English instead. It was so fun! But no, I didn’t meet anyone. And the girls that go are on average 3–4 years older than the boys. I think the Church does that so people wont date hahaa.

blueiiznh's avatar

Don’t think so much about it and focus on living life. When it is right, you will know.

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

In the current economy, there are a number of men in your age bracket who are too ashamed of their financial situation to ask women out.

linguaphile's avatar

How much of your question is motivated by the fact that many many girls in Utah get married right out of their missionaries at age 19/20—are you feeling like you’re getting older and feeling pressured about it?

If that’s the case… don’t stress. I would consider moving or finding a job in another state- maybe Idaho, Colorado or Arizona where there is a larger LDS community, but not as conservative as Utah (Idaho might be more conservative). Or at least move to Salt Lake City. It just might be that the guy of your dreams isn’t in Utah.

When the times right, the answer will appear. Just keep on taking care of yourself and doing your thing.

filmfann's avatar

You said: I’m not sure what you know about mormons, but I am not the stereotype at all. I am not homely looking, I’m not a prude

That certainly isn’t my experience with Mormon girls. Most of them were beautiful, and certainly not prudes.
I wondered why I stayed single for so long, then I realized the Lord was saving me for my wife.
And I am glad he did!

FutureMemory's avatar

You sound high maintenance to me. I wouldn’t want to date you either.

Sunny2's avatar

I didn’t find what I was looking for until I had decided I would probably not marry and how I would spend my life if I was single. I think that made me able to relax and not be so eager. I kept my eyes open, but not with the same intensity I had before. And there he was, just what I’d been looking for.

sevenfourteen's avatar

The right person will come as soon as you stop looking and let your guard down. I am experiencing slightly similar where I’m 22 and have no prospects and am feeling slightly bleak about finding anyone (and just as with you I’m not “undateable”). However you’re looking for someone and that means you have these certain expectations. I know you say that the guys that want to date you are not who you want to be with but how are you sure? I know for me I know what I want but I am also aware that whoever I eventually meet may be none of those things.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought – that is an extremely interesting statement because I honestly have started to believe that as well.

Paradox25's avatar

“I want to know why I’m attracted to the guys who never like me, and the ones that are attracted to me, I would never give the time of day to.” It kind of sounds like you’ve already explained why you’re still single. Only you can answer this question, not anybody else.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

” go on plenty of dates, just can’t find someone!...Anyway, back to my best friend, he always…”

kind of skirted over that one pretty quickly… seems a bit contradictory. sure you can’t find someone when “plenty of dates” are sitting right in front of you?

“I might be too picky.”

kind of skirted over that one pretty qui… oh sorry… I already said that

Bellatrix's avatar

Perhaps you are giving off “I’m desperate to be someone’s girlfriend/married” vibes? Perhaps you are, without realising it, coming across as really wanting to be in a relationship. Not terribly attractive.

As has been said, stop looking. Go about your life. Stop thinking about relationships. Just get on with being a decent, happy, enaged with life human being and men, and hopefully the right man, will come looking for you.

BandanaMike's avatar

You sound shallow. I am just being honest. You said that you are not ugly and that you “know” what ugly is. You said that the guys that are attracted to you are the guy you will never give the time of day to. What kind of attitude is that? You seem to have an extremely high opinion of yourself and you also sound very condescending to those you deem “ugly”. You seem to be a very condescending person in general.

tedd's avatar

Could be a host of reasons.

You could be too picky.

You could be too busy, and just aren’t getting enough free time/situations to meet people.

Maybe you have bad foot odor and don’t realize it?

Try a dating website. They work incredibly well in my experience. I mean you still have to work at it, and you’ll get a few duds… but I’ve had two pretty successful relationships from online dating (although I guess one of them didn’t work out… but I’m in the other now).

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