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autumnofage's avatar

I just cannot wrap my mind around this...What are your thoughts...

Asked by autumnofage (465points) May 20th, 2008

I understand the appeal of marriage and all that jazz but what I don’t understand is when people talk about marriage after being together for as little as a month. Or people who get engaged after 6 months especially when they’re still young. I know sometimes this ends up working between couples but what’s the rush? Why do people need to be recognized by law as together? What’s wrong with just being together for a long time and loving a person and allowing time to reconfirm your thoughts that you will last with your SO? I guess this was more of a rant then anything..but your thoughts please :)

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14 Answers

wildflower's avatar

I agree with you. I got married after being together with my now husband for just over 6 years.
The only reason I can see why people would rush it is if they live by strict (religious) rules that require marriage.

That’s not the case for me, so there was no rush.

Wine3213's avatar

I think it’s different to everyone, but I see no reason to get married so quickly. Maybe those people have some sort of hang-up where they have to be with someone, and the most comfortable thing for them is to be married.

Tantigirl's avatar

I agree too. There really should be no rush. I met my husband when I was 18, married at 21. We have now been married for almost 20 years. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, because looking back, I think we could quite easily have waited for another couple of years until I was older.

These days there is no stigma if you become pregnant out of wedlock. A lot of the time now a wedding is simply a party for receiving a certificate that you signed in a church. It seems to me to be a whole lot of money spent on something that you will only remember by looking at your wedding photos and video.

autumnofage's avatar

I want to say I understand why some rush because of religious beliefs but actually I don’t understand rushing for that reason either. But for those who don’t have religious beliefs or at least strong one’s to possibly rush them then what’s the point? If you’re not against living together before marriage and if you’re family isn’t either why get married so fast!? Oi. People baffle me.

autumnofage's avatar

Oh and before I’m yelled at; sorry my questions and answers are unpolished, I keep spewing my rant out and not really paying attention or double checking.

marinelife's avatar

While I don’t think rushing is ever a good idea, I do have a data point on the other side. My parents met on Monday and married on Saturday. They were married 31 years until his death. They kept this a secret. My dad told me when we were on a trip the summer after I graduated from high school. When confronted, my mom admitted it, but only grudgingly.

Randy's avatar

There are reasons that people rush into it. I don’t think it’s a good idea so I won’t be getting married anytime soon but to each his own I guess.

Anyways, the reasons that people might get married quickly could include religious beliefs, pressure from family members or the finincal benefit (ie tax breaks or lower insurance payments).

marinelife's avatar

@Randy Lust?

Randy's avatar

Well, there’s usually some religious backing to consider marrage just to have sex with someone. If you wern’t religious in some way, I wouldn’t see how it would be such a big deal, so I’d throw lust in with the religious reasoning. =)

PupnTaco's avatar

I say when you know you’ve found the right person, why not make it official? A commitment is more than legal, it brings emotional assurance to the relationship.

autumnofage's avatar

@pupntaco…yeah I understand that but so many times people believe they’ve found the one after a month and it doesn’t last. I guess everyone just likes to believe they’re different. Don’t get me wrong though, I know it does happen in life but I don’t see why sooo many think that they’ll be the lucky couple especially when they’ve said the same thing before in other relationships and have those one’s not work out.

delirium's avatar

I see it all too often as well. It is one of the reasons I su sex before marriage.

I’ve been with my SO for about four years now and see no logical reason to marry him yet. Our rule us to see what happens by the time both graduate.

I also see a lot of people trying to marry early to hold on to something because that kind of love is new to them and they are scared to lose it. What they miss is that love will fade if its going to fade if you have a ring on or not.

(Note: iPhone fluther is acting up so “su” is supposed to be ” advocate”.)

Tantigirl's avatar

PupnTaco I think that what you said about it bringing emotional assurance to a relationship is true up to a point. The thing is that marriage really doesn’t stop anyone from leaving the relationship or having an affair, it never did. That is one of the reasons why I can never understand it when I hear of people wanting to break off a relationship because one or the other doesn’t want to take the formal step and make it legal. If you are happy living together, and you love each other, then why does it matter, either way? Getting married doesn’t change that in my experience.

PupnTaco's avatar

Well, that’s a good point. All I know is what works for me. Happily married 16 years.

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