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Aster's avatar

Do you keep Fluther a secret from your s/o? I sure do.

Asked by Aster (19974points) January 19th, 2012

I would never tell him about Fluther. I’d be risking the chance he’d want to join and then he’d want to read all my questions and answers; then I’d drop out for good. Do you feel this way? I’m not ashamed of it at all. I crave my privacy!

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48 Answers

SpatzieLover's avatar

No. My husband has an account here. He knows I Fluther and leaves me to it. ;)

He prefers Twitter. I don’t Twitter at all.

john65pennington's avatar

She has Facebook and I have Fluther.

Aster's avatar

I have my Facebook so that he can read everything and no worries! LOL

janbb's avatar

He hated my involvement with Fluther and other online social networks.

Aster's avatar

@janbb why? Was he jealous of the attention to others or did he think you had work you needed to be doing?

Paradox25's avatar

No, everybody that I talk to knows I fluther and blog and I encourage them to try this themselves but they usually don’t. I even show others my posts depending on the topic.

Blackberry's avatar

No. Some thought it was stupid, and some were indifferent.

Coloma's avatar

I don’t have a SO but my daughter participates once in awhile. I feel the same, and don’t encourage friends to join because I like having some space and privacy to share what I wish without the voeurism of real life people. lol

janbb's avatar

@Aster jealous of my attention to others I think and the importance it played in my sense of self. One of the many things we never really talked out.

SuperMouse's avatar

No, my SO knows all about Fluther and has an account here as well. He is not on very often, but I am forever telling him about the latest interesting threads and things I have learned here.

marinelife's avatar

No, my husband knows about Fluther. In fact, I have asked him to join because he is so smart and witty and knowledgeable.

But he won’t.

Aster's avatar

@marinelife “asked him to join.” Gives me shivers just thinking of it ! I’d feel like I was giving up my independence! lol

bongo's avatar

Not really, he knows I use a question and answer site but he doesn’t know its fluther. We both have facebook and I have twitter but twitter is more for work based stuff. Also english is not his first language and so if he went on a Q&A site I expect he would choose a German one.
I introduced a few of my old housemates to it but they didn’t stay long, I prefer not knowing the people on here. I feel that it is my thing and I can speak about whatever I like. I really enjoy having somewhere completely separate from my everyday life I can ask anything I want and not feel embarrassed or anything.

muppetish's avatar

My significant other has an account on Fluther, but is far from being a regular here. He is more drawn to the community of Let’s Players online and I am perfectly okay with that, too. The only time I have felt uncomfortable with his access and knowledge of Fluther was when he started mentioning the websites to some of our friends. That mortified me. I don’t want anyone except him reading the stuff I post here. I’m just not ready for that and probably never will be.

Aster's avatar

@muppetish did he tell your friends your Fluther name? Dread !!

jca's avatar

I tell people I don’t know too well (like those I know from email/internet only) about Fluther. I don’t fear them figuring out who I am. However, nosy people and close friends/family I don’t tell, because I fear they will figure out who I am, and read what I’ve posted about my sex life, politics, personal life, family issues, etc.

Aster's avatar

@jca s/o equals nosy. He is; I admit it. He’s nice and gentle and my best friend and smart but .. nosy.

wundayatta's avatar

I do. It’s my place for working through things that would be too uncomfortable for her. She knows about my past, but she doesn’t want to have her face rubbed in it. So she doesn’t come online here, as far as I know.

@Aster I think you’re right that it’s important for people to have privacy within a marriage. I think a lot of people think that’s about keeping secrets. I think it’s about keeping the peace. There are things you can talk about that will only bring up hurt feelings in your partner. They aren’t secret, but they do create pain. For what?

Aster's avatar

@wundayatta I could not agree more. Let’s think of it as a smart move. Very smart.

poisonedantidote's avatar

No, I met my girlfriend online while I was still living in a different country to her, before I moved here to the UK to meet her I used fluther as evidence for my personality.

I told her: “take a look at this site, I am poisonedantidote, my posts should give you an idea as to how safe you are meeting me. Some of the things I have said on here are a joke, some are serious, so just take a look and see if you think I’m a maniac or not”

Aster's avatar

@poisonedantidote a girlfriend when you’re young is entirely different from a spouse when you’re not so darn young. It’s a “live and learn” thing. You’ll find out later. lol

wilma's avatar

Yes @Aster I am like you. This is my place to be anonymous.

rebbel's avatar

My girlfriend knows I am on Fluther, she regularly asks whether people responded to my questions.
When I read her some funny answers that Jellies posted she will ask me again, later on, if there are already new answers.
I will read (or show) her if a Jelly wrote me something sweet or complimentary in PM.
I have no secrets—-apart from my crossdress fetish.—- .

Stinley's avatar

My husband knows I like coming on here but it is private to me so I don’t share and don’t let him see what I am writing. It’s not a secret but I am a bit secretive. I think he had a look but couldn’t see the attraction…

muppetish's avatar

@Aster He did not tell them my username. I would have been mortified. My siblings know my username, but they don’t read what I post here. It’s not their cup of tea and I’m grateful. Fluther is one of the few spaces where I feel anonymous. If other people from my offline life found me here, I would feel completely naked.

Aethelwine's avatar

You might know my husband, @blondesjon. He joined about two weeks after I did a little over 3 years ago. We’re celebrating our 20 year wedding anniversary this April. We’ve learned that we communicate much better (and get along much better) when we are honest and open with each other. There was a time in our relationship when we kept things (feelings and thoughts) from each other and guess what happened? We came very close to not being a couple anymore. Once we learned to be honest with each other our relationship changed. We respect each other and love each other more than ever.

Having a place to discuss your relationship with people other than your SO might work for many people, but for us we have nothing to hide. We don’t air dirty laundry here. We discuss our problems with each other and work them out that way.

Having said that, we rarely interact on the same questions. We have different interests when it comes to answering questions and helping others here at Fluther.

bkcunningham's avatar

My husband knows I post on Fluther. He’s never used or read anything on the site by himself. I have discussed certain questions and answers with him. He wanted to answer another poster once on a question he and I were discussing and I told the Fluther poster it was him asking and asnwering while I typed.

He’s much more blunt than I am. I wouldn’t want him posting here. It would last about two minutes. It is my little secret world. He was talking to me one day and my computer was up with Fluther on the screen. He asked me what the hell @wundayatta’‘s avatar was and what the hell I was looking at. I made it larger and asked him what he thought it was suppose to be. He said an ass or boobs. That’s the extent of his interaction with the site.

So, @Aster, he doesn’t know anything at all about Fluther?

Aster's avatar

He knows nothing about Fluther, I feel zero need to “share” with him and thus it shall remain . LOL! He knows more than he needs to know about me anyway. It’s not like I was arrested and I discuss my jail time on here. Just want privacy, that’s all.

bkcunningham's avatar

I think that is cool, @Aster. Although my husband knows about Fluther, what I write about is my business. It is private and I share only what I want to share. I wonder how he would react if he read what you have written? Would he be surprised about things like your deep held beliefs and views, your humor, nothing at all or something else?

tinyfaery's avatar

No. I don’t keep any kind of secrets from my wife. I just don’t understand couples that do that. I have nothing to hide.

Aster's avatar

@bkcunningham I honestly and truly can’t think of any particular subject I would not want him to read about. I had been in a very controlling marriage for many years and now I value my solitude you might say. Or it could be I simply don’t want him bulging his eyes while eavesdropping on my conversations either on here or in any situation. I let him look at anything he wants to on his own pc without ruffling his feathers . It would be like my standing behind him watching him scan the monitor. I just don’t care for that sort of situation. That’s my story and I’m stickin to it. lol And for those who “tell all” and share all I say good; go for it. I was like that decades ago.

downtide's avatar

I don’t talk about it particularly much but it’s not a secret and if he looked over my shoulder and asked what I was doing, I’d tell him. It’s not the sort of thing he’d be inclined to join though.

Bellatrix's avatar

My husband knows I Fluther. He is often sitting next to me in the evening while I answer questions and watch TV with him. He is fine with it and has never wanted to read my answers. I tell him about questions quite often and ask his opinion on occasions too. He isn’t interested in participating himself but he has no problem with me Fluthering.

My children know too. I don’t tell anyone else though. Other than that I keep it to myself.

augustlan's avatar

Psh. My teenage kids are members here! I’m an open book, so yeah, my husband knew right from the very beginning. He honestly wasn’t crazy about it at first, but he’s mellowed on the subject considerably. The fact that it’s my job now might have something to do with that. :p

Mariah's avatar

No one from my real life knows about Fluther and I plan to keep it that way! I just think I would feel hindered in what I feel comfortable discussing if I knew any of my friends or family were reading.

wilma's avatar

That’s the way I feel too, @Mariah .

AmWiser's avatar

I don’t keep Fluther a secret from hubby. I tried to get him to join since he is a homebody and computer junky and a very likeable person. But noooo! He rather look over my shoulder occasionally and want to answer a question, but I tell him to get his own account.

digitalimpression's avatar

Unfortunately she already knows… so my plan is just to flood fluther with answers so that she can’t possibly sift through enough to get to my more questionable posts.

SavoirFaire's avatar

My wife knows. I showed her.

Doesn’t hurt that this was my top answer at the time.

Bellatrix's avatar

I saw that response @SavoirFaire… very impressive. That would have bought you many, many brownie points :D

OpryLeigh's avatar

I don’t talk about it much because he’ll make fun of me!!!!

Berserker's avatar

Nah, I’d tell them. I had a boyfriend oh so many moons ago, and I showed Fluther to him. He never joined though. :/

Blondesjon's avatar

Fuck yeah.

i told her i was @AstroChuck

OpryLeigh's avatar

I should make it clear that he wouldn’t make fun of me in a malicious way and he does know that I am on a q and a site but he does laugh when I get all worked up over a question! I know he wouldn’t join this type of site and there is the odd occasion when I will talk to him/ask his opinion on a particular discussion. I don’t hide it from him but I am glad he’s not on here. However, like @jonsblond I woukd never air our dirty laundry on here. I don’t use this site for relationship advice.

Earthgirl's avatar

He knows I Fluther which sucks really. I was so excited about Fluther when I discovered it that I had to go and tell him about it. Now I regret that. I had no idea that I would want to keep it a secret so I could be totally and completely honest and open. I mentioned my user name in passing and I am not sure he remembers it. It’s not everything that I want to keep to myself really. It’s hard to explain. There are so few people that you can divulge everything to in real life. He knows about it and he is curious. I share a lot of the things I discuss and even some of the questions I don’t answer but which spark my curiosity and get me thinking. Actually it is quite good for us as a stimulus to conversation.

Rarebear's avatar

She knows and thinks it’s totally stupid.

tranquilsea's avatar

I don’t have any secrets between my husband and myself.

I’ve often pulled him into questions here. He just thinks I’m a bit nuts for being so interested in answering questions “from total strangers”.

linguaphile's avatar

I don’t have a SO now, but when I joined Fluther, I did. There was nothing in this world that would’ve compelled me to tell him that I had a support system, a sphere, an escape hatch on the internet.

I don’t talk about Fluther with my friends or family, other than my son. It’s, again, my escape hatch and am leery about sharing it.

I have certain friends who would love Fluther, but they’re not as nice about Deaf issues as I am and would not self-censor to keep things pleasant like I do. Regardless of how I’m treated by some jellies, I tend to choose the “explaining” path, while some of my friends would not grant the offensive comments that kind of courtesy. I’d love to have them here but because of some of the comments here… I’d be instigating a war by inviting them. Not worth it.

So I’m happily mostly anonymous here!

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