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saint's avatar

If the brilliant Congress banned toilet paper tomorrow, in order to save the fragile planet, how would you ..."take care of business"?

Asked by saint (3972points) January 24th, 2012

They say necessity is the mother of invention. What would you do while you waited for somebody to come up with a commercially available alternative?

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34 Answers

digitalimpression's avatar

Leaves. Very soft leaves.

gailcalled's avatar

There was life for a very long time before toilet paper.

People used various kinds of vegetative matter, such as the new cattail fluff, milkweed fluff and moss.

People used water (and still do). Many cultures eat only with the right hand because the left one is used for just such cleansing.

fundevogel's avatar

Quick! Someone make a Demolition Man reference.

EverRose11's avatar

If we crapped as they did back in the days before toilet paper which was squatting… there would be no real need for paper, Seriously look it up ! Infant don’t you wonder what the heck they make toilet paper from, and could it be harmful for us? That will be the next thing they will discover is causing some sort of cancer :-(.

Fly's avatar

…napkins?

mazingerz88's avatar

Water hose! I would ask Mr. Bean and/or the Three Stooges to demonstrate. Nyak nyak nyak!

gasman's avatar

Got change for a five? (old joke)

Blackberry's avatar

People would have occupied congress by then and they would repeal that BS.

Coloma's avatar

I just watched the documentary “Babies” a few nights ago. The Nairobi mother used a dry corn cob to scrape her babies poo from her knee. Me? I’d buy as many cans of baby wipes as I could fit in my car.

zenvelo's avatar

I’d get one of those toilets with the water jet nozzle. Not a bidet but like it. Get me clean and a bit of fun too.

Sunny2's avatar

Cheap wash cloths that could be laundered (like diapers.)? Different color for each family member?

Bellatrix's avatar

Old newspaper scrunched up used to be our standby loo paper as a child. Newsprint on your… well you can imagine the rest.

Also, there are people now who use cloths rather than paper and wash them. Some already consider it to be far more environmentally friendly and to do a better job.

Or as @zenvelo suggests, if I could afford it, go for a @Judi special toilet.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Do what the Flintstones did, whatever that may have been.

zenvelo's avatar

@ZEPHYRA The Flintstones used either a rock or an animal with soft fur. No thanks!

cookieman's avatar

bidet + wash cloth = freshly clean buttocks

john65pennington's avatar

Sears catalogue OR corn cobs.

OUCH !

sevenfourteen's avatar

honestly Congress could never ban toilet paper because they’re full of more crap than the US public after beer and wing night combined

@Coloma – did you watch it online? I’ve been wanting to watch that movie for the longest time!!

Coloma's avatar

@sevenfourteen I ordered it through Netflix. It is ADORABLE! I want to move to Mongolia and live in a yurt. It chronicles 4 babies through their 1st year of life. A baby girl in San Francisco, a baby boy in Mongolia, a baby girl in Japan and a baby boy in Nairobi.
Totally captivating! 10 thumbs up!

rebbel's avatar

Bunnies, and when those are finished, chicks.

fundevogel's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I hope you’ve got a stockpile. They discontinued print catalogs in 1993.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@fundevogel That’s a really old joke. People with outhouses used the Sears catalog that way.

Berserker's avatar

@fundevogel I’d make use of the three seashells, if I knew just how the hell they worked.

fundevogel's avatar

@Berserker Are you sure about that?

Berserker's avatar

@fundevogel Dude gross. Yet…it seems so simple. How come nobody ever figured that out? Maybe because poop doesn’t really have a habit of hanging out halfway out one’s ass waiting for it to be gently plucked. Still, I see how that might work. Awesome link lmao. XD And direction with PICTURES!! I denno whether to be inspired or traumatized.

fundevogel's avatar

@Berserker, As is often the case, I think the correct answer is “a little of both”.

Bellatrix's avatar

:-| Sheesh…. nasty @fundy.

Bellatrix's avatar

As my husband pointed out, if you were close enough to the sea to find seashells, couldn’t you just dip in and wash. I think I would prefer that to the seashell torture. Imagine if you pinched just a little too close to your bum.

Berserker's avatar

@fundevogel I always like to get the best of both worlds.

My favorite part in that movie though…

So, how do you feel about destroying this really expensive building just to save one hostage?

Hey, fuck you, lady!

:D

Or something like that, anyways.

fundevogel's avatar

@Bellaboo I can’t say I didn’t wince posting it.

@Berzerker no matter how you slice it Demolition Man is a “special” sort of movie

Berserker's avatar

@fundevogel For sure. That whole sex scene that didn’t actually happen…I don’t know what it was, if not special.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

black market TP

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