General Question

Kokoro's avatar

How do you confront a cheating friend?

Asked by Kokoro (1424points) January 25th, 2012

I’m torn between being there for my “friend” but at the same time disappointed in the constant cheating on their significant other.

I know his relationship is going downhill, but I don’t think sleeping with all kinds of girls is the right way to deal with it. I think he needs help, but I think he needs to take responsibility too.

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9 Answers

HGl3ee's avatar

Oh boy! I had to deal with a similar situation with a friend a few months ago.. My choice in the situation had been to just leave it alone. But I think it really depends on how close you are with your friend and their SO.

I made the choice to not get involved with my friend’s business because I don’t really know his SO, it did however make me rethink my friendship with him and I chose to distance myself from the friendship. I do not tolerate cheating, but that doesn’t mean it gives me the grounds to tell my friend what is right or not.

Kokoro's avatar

@HGl3ee I feel like I can’t NOT say anything. At first it was like that, but when I found out yet again he did it—I felt like I needed a break. I suppose I thought he was something else and this just showed me that I was making up stories in my head… yet at the same time, we are very close and I want to mend things or understand.

HGl3ee's avatar

@Kokoro : if you feel like you really need to say something then I say trust your gut :) My advice would be to go about talking to him in a non-confrontational way. (When I’m faced with the need to have a sticky conversation I usually talk it over in my head a few times, or reherse with my teddy bear, ha!) If it comes across harshly that you are ticked-off at what the heck is going on then he will be more likely to clam up and not want to talk to you about things. But also respect yourself and your views on the matter, if this is a friendship-deal breaker for you then you should move on.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

I see no reason to think or say he needs help. He’s low on class and character. It’s not your job to confront him. It’s his business. If he asks you what you think or for your advice, then fire away.

marinelife's avatar

You could tell him to tell his significant other and break up with her or you will tell her.

Blueroses's avatar

You put “friend” in quote marks. If he is your friend, you should be able to tell him that you’re torn on the issue. Say “Dude, I understand what you’re going through but this makes me uncomfortable. If you deal with it honestly, I’ll be there for you for the fallout. I really don’t want anything to do with your cheating.”

Kokoro's avatar

Thanks everyone. When I really think deep into it, I feel kind of disgusted with my friend. Yet at the same time I don’t want to be judgemental!

tinyfaery's avatar

If this guy is really a friend, a true friend, your position is not to judge. It’s impossible to know what goes on in other people’s relationships. If you are worried about your friend, ask him how he is and tell him that you are available if he needs to talk.

Coloma's avatar

Tough spot you’re in, but, if it were me I’d have no problem confronting them with MY values and letting them know that I could not remain “friends” with them due to their unsavory behavior.
All of my friends know that I would never lie, cover up or look away from any nefarious behaviors. It’s entirely up to you, but comprimising your own integrity is not part of any “friendship.”

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